I feel free. Today I decided to block the numbers of those who only contact me to try and get me to go to church! I'm even a little excited. I know that's weird,but it's the way I feel. I'd been having the thought but you know..guilt crept up. THAT was when it occurred to me these people have never been true actual real friends. We've never socialized outside a church event.

I was a convert I never paid tithing or fully bought into the whole thing the way some members seem to, but I did feel the spirit..though I wonder if that was sometimes just the spirit of people being nice to me. I have met some good people and kept in touch. I do like aspects and some teachings. Most of those people moved away. Part of me wants to pull my name from the rolls;another part of me feels like that's dramatic or something. Mostly, I don't want to go anymore and I don't want to be bothered about it! We moved a d didn't share our address so they can't really come here. Anyway, I really feel for that version of myself that needed to be told I was a good and worthy person by a bunch of seemingly shiny happy people. I don't want to drink or have affairs, but I want to feel free to practice my spirituality on my own terms without questions or interviews (I hate those interviews). I was always worthy. That's all.

> I was always worthy.


Yep!

Much better than ‘perfect’.

It's nice you can take some good things with you. Too much anger can be self destructive.

Agreed.

You are now even MORE worthy :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2022 01:45PM by Soft Machine.

The block option is so underrated.

Spammers, toxic people, useless people, telemarketers, etc… poof they’re gone.

Glad you used it. And don’t feel “guilty” about it. Guilty means you did something wrong.

Good for you.
They are potential spam and that's how they should be treated on your phone.

I can really identify with how easy it was as a member, to conflate normal emotion from human interaction with “the spirit”.
The beauty of human connection transcends any ginned up “spiritual experience”. Decades away from the church have demonstrated that truth to me countless times.

So true.

Sunday Morning with Jane Pauley. Invariably there will be an inspirational story that hits me in the heart and makes me tear up. Does that mean I'm "feeling the spirit" or does it just mean my sense of compassion and empathy did not me leave me when I left the faith?

+1

Plus I watch just to see the sun images they flash at the end of each segment. They must have done tens of thousands of different images over the decades.

I do appreciate the comments. The emotions are really coming. I'm ashamed of myself, ashamed of the version of myself who needed random 19 year old boys to tell me I was worthy. I'm ashamed that I allowed myself to sit in a room with a random old man and apologize for my past as if he's any better a person. Right now it feels like I'll be cringing forever.

Sorry it feels that way. You eventually saw it what it was. Congrats. I wish my kids did. They don't have the regret and embarrassment you do but neither your insight which is worthy insight.

Elder Berry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sorry it feels that way. You eventually saw it
> what it was. Congrats. I wish my kids did. They
> don't have the regret and embarrassment you do but
> neither your insight which is worthy insight.

Thank you. I'm looking at it from the outside..the good the not so good and the things I refuse to be associated with.

I think it's definitely a sign of a cult when a member feels a strong sense of freedom and relief after severing their ties with their religion.

Religion is supposed to create calm, not discord. When the calm comes after leaving you know there's something wrong...