Posted by:
Recovered Molly Mormon
(
)
Date: August 28, 2015 12:46AM
Topic was closed...so thought I would throw my two cents in.
*You fell in love. You fell out of love. Love can always come back IF its the choice of two people who want to work at it.
It sounds like SHE fell out of love with you too. We work with people we love. We make their dreams, goals and desires as valuable as our own. If YOU are the only person making only HER dreams come true..there is a lack of balance.
*Your marriage sounds like an arrangement of convenience with an attitude of entitlement. Being a SAHM is a gift, not a right.
*Marriage is NOT all about the kids (Mormonism really focuses on a couple staying together forever, even if miserable. Raise the babies and pay your tithe. Your personal happiness with your spouse matters not. This thinking does not work!
A marriage is a commitment for two people who both the best of what they have to the table to feast on. You BOTH give 100%. Not 50%. 50-50 is for divorce.
If you really do not want a divorce, go look in your wife's eyes and say...You know what? I MISS my wife. Have you seen her?
What happened to the woman that was focused on a shared relationship with the man she married? The one that does not give the leftover scraps of time and affection, but carves out a healthy chunk of her time JUST FOR HIM. Yes, the children are important, but it is also important for the children to see Mom and Dad loving and respecting one another.
Mormonism creates dysfunctional families based on poor matching. I did the same THING.
Now, here is the harsh reality. When you became the apostate you may have become less worthy in your wife's eyes. She may be thinking..."My husband 'left' me, so Im going to make him PAY". So, it is possible in her realm you are being punished with indentured servitude towards her for "changing" the image of what she thought was the ideal marriage and family.
If she is a True Blue Mormon, she has been molded and conditioned to believe that if she stayed true to the faith, she deserved the worthy, forever, faithful spouse. She may feel a lot less "effort" now since the "prize" has devalued.
It is time to bring all your thoughts out into the open with your wife. You told some strangers here, but now you need to have a sit down and tell her that you are not happy and you do not love her. Let her know the things you do appreciate. Tell her the things you miss. If you have not made any decisions about staying or going...tell her that too. If changes need to be made (from either her or yourself) speak up!
At this point, you have both been married long enough and are wise enough to know about cause and effect...and trending. There has been an obvious decline in the satisfaction of your marriage for both of you.
Is it time to ask-can we BOTH be happy in this?
So, when is it over? When there is nothing left to salvage, fix, discuss, heal and an impasse has been reached where one or both parties can not be happy with the current conditions.
One thing I have always mentor others on is to ask yourself..
"How bad does it have to be, before you call it quits?"
There. You just defined your breaking point.
RMM