I found that a hard part of leaving mormonism.
To leave the mindset behind of always having to strive for better.. always having to 'grow' always needing to look forward in fear of eternity and judgement...always feeling that somebody is watching you, judging you.. are you good enough, clean enough, holy enough, worthy enough...


I missed out on so much because I was always looking towards eternal salvation... I couldn't wait to get married, I couldn't wait to have kids.... I had to progress.. constantly.. and I was so busy with all that, that I kinda forgot to live.
And I grieve for that time. I really do.




It takes such hard work to learn to live NOW.. to just enjoy life! To just enjoy.
Life is now.
It's okay to enjoy the hell of my day.
It's MY body! it's okay to make it feel good!!

Ugh..
I left the church many years ago and I'm still struggling with issues like that sometimes..

I'm getting better at enjoying my life, but I suppose I'll always grieve missed opportunities.

YES. My BIC spouse has a LOT of trouble with this. Much more than I do.

The Geezer worries constantly that all he does is not "enough". There's this menacing ideal that hovers in his mind. Things have to be just a certain way sometimes or he gets very upset. When I ask him why he gets hung up in trivial details, he can't answer.
It's like there's an invisible rule book he's compelled to follow and every time he thinks he's done "enough", the bar gets raised. He works SO hard. 60-70 hour work weeks are the norm. Then there's always a critical home improvement project--someone might see the fading paint/fence leaning ever so slightly/lawn 1/4 inch too tall. This stuff keeps him awake at night sometimes.

I know it's his upbringing at work and I take care to remind him that he doesn't have to be "enough" for me...he is EVERYTHING to me already. Sometimes I just forcibly drag him out of his rumination. "Geezer, you and I are going fishing, or I will tie dye your business shirts."

I honestly think he feels guilty about being happy. Good thing he has me, evil exmo hippie sorceress. According to his parents I have no conscience. Woo hoo!

As someone who has been little too much like your husband--oh hell, a lot like your husband--I have to say your post and you tickle me.

I am sometimes surprised that after all these decades of being an apostate heathen, just how much of my extreme BIC upbringing is still lying underneath it all.

passing through Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> I honestly think he feels guilty about being
> happy. Good thing he has me, evil exmo hippie
> sorceress. According to his parents I have no
> conscience. Woo hoo!

^^^ I automatically like you. :)

Great Thread! Love it! I feel like the older I get the more I appreciate the "unpainted" fences. Gives character to life. No more keeping up with the Jone's. To H@%$$ with the Jone's. Sunshine, fresh air, wind and rain in my face. It's all Good.

thanks for that Becca !

brb ~ enjoying that exmo life

Oh, I relate to everything you said.

It takes awhile after leaving to really get out of that mindset. But it's like one day you wake up and realize that you just haven't thought like that in forever. God and Satan don't micromanage your life. No one is reading your every thought--your thoughts are your own. Totally. That was such a great realization.

But as you said, the constant striving to "progress," which isn't really progression at all, sucked the joy out of life. You don't even know it until that pressure is gone. "Progression" take on a whole new meaning. Wanting to progress to become a better person, to make a better contribution to the world, IN THIS LIFE, can be a very joyful pursuit. Who knew?

"I missed out on so much because I was always looking towards eternal salvation... I couldn't wait to get married, I couldn't wait to have kids.... I had to progress.. constantly.. and I was so busy with all that, that I kinda forgot to live.
And I grieve for that time. I really do."

Ditto. I was so busy with church that I forgot to live and enjoy life. There were times when I felt so confused because the inactive, the apostates, the nevermos et all seemed to just not care about the gospel yet they had so much fun. The gospel was supposed to bring happiness. And it did when I joined because I was on journey of discovery but it really sucked in the last years when the real effects of mormonism caught up with me.

I'm learning to enjoy life. More than that I'm learning to cherish life, cherish the now because at any time it will change. And more especially cherish the people around me and the time I spend with them.

deconverted2010 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Ditto. I was so busy with church that I forgot to
> live and enjoy life. There were times when I felt
> so confused because the inactive, the apostates,
> the nevermos et all seemed to just not care about
> the gospel yet they had so much fun. The gospel
> was supposed to bring happiness.

Actually, that was a big shelf breaker for me.
This one persone whom I was trying to convert (gawd I cringe big time thinking about that still.. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)
he was WILD!
Well to me he was.

He smoked, drank wine and beer.. , pretty much slept with anyone who was willing whenever he felt like it and he had a great time!
He had a great life!
He was happy, and free and just.... FREE!

And I couldn't believe it. I was miserable inside..had been for years.. I prayed so hard and worked so hard to be worthy and find this spirit happy feeling I was promised... and yet here he was....

It didn't fit...

It just didn't fit..

If I try to get better at just enjoying life, am I still exhibiting a mormon mindset? ;-)

Bring on the Advil, deep thought there Kolob. BTW, glad you're back.

I'm still trying to let go and enjoy more, I'm glad to know others going through the same.

I totally get that. The first two decades of my life were all about trying to do better, preparing for the future...getting ready for life instead of actually LIVING it.

My favorite line from The Croods: "That's not living! It's just 'not dying'. There's a difference."