Geez - this girl is MESSED UP! When she gets married, her husband is going to have to really work to deprogram her. That kind of guilt and overcaution doesn't just go away overnight on your honeymoon.
Not going to look at or pay attention to any of that bullsh*t. The delusional ravings of Kimball effed up both my ex and our marriage. Although I bet it generates some fun comments ;)
Am I reading the article wrong, or did it actually say that even once you're married there should be no passionate kissing? I refuse to go back and read it again because I feel I lost a disturbing amount of faith in humanity from the first read.
But god forbid that we should enjoy anything. And boy does this girl need to get laid soon so she get's a reality check. Having sex requires that you actually do it, it doesn't just happen all by itself because you are lying down together, what incredible nonsense!
fear of losing your eternal exaltation. Brings back memories.
W....T....F. I get so tired of this crazy fear-based approach to everything.
Better not play with face cards— it may lead to gambling. Better not drink any alcohol cuz you may end up alcoholic. Better not drink coffee cuz you may get addicted. Better not dress unmodestly....someone might think you're sexy. Better not kiss passionately.....you may end up having sex.
Better not live life....you may find out you actually enjoy it.
At BYU, my fiance and I would makeout all the time. We couldn't get enough of eachother, but we were private about it. When he said goodnight to me at my apartment each night, he would give me a short 3 second-ish kiss at the door. My roomate (who was engaged herself, but didn't kiss her fiance till after they proposed, and only then tiny peaks, and never in front of anyone) told me we were being very inappropriate. I couldn't believe it. If I was going to marry someone, it had better be someone who I desire so much, I can barely keep my hands off him.
Well life happens, with kids and work, things cool off, and we rarely make out anymore. I am so glad that I have the wonderful memories with my husband. I am reminded than I can actually being a sexual person. I can't imagine being married to someone where I never had the chance to let me desire overcome me. Those that hold everything back for so long, and then let the stresses of marriage get in the way, along with quick pregnancies that really screw up a sex drive, no thank you.
Lol! These Mormons just need a good ole fashioned f&ck.
Guess what? There have been countless dates in highschool where I got a bj or had sex without ever laying down!
And you wonder why so many Mormon married couples have sexual incompatibility issues...they are told to not even kiss while dating! If you don't have passion while dating, when the he'll do you expect it to come???
I asked one of my young women's leaders about what was appropriate or not while I was dating this boy. I was 16. She researched it for me and gave me a number of talks the next Sunday or whatever. This was among them. I remember being so shocked when I read this.
Even though I was very TBM at the time, I thought this was bull. Pretty sure I threw the papers away and just kept making out with my boyfriend. It didn't make sense to me AT ALL why it would be wrong to kiss someone. I'm so glad I didn't listen to all those "prophets". Such bullshit!
She must be into something pretty perverse to cause her to write an article as messed up as that. She went googling for quotes from church leaders so that she could find reasons not to kiss passionately? Seriously?
I am embarrassed to admit I bought into this crap when I was TBM. In fact, I was one of those people that thought you should save your first kiss for the ONE. I got that idea from an Evangelical Christian friend however, not at church. But, when I got to BYU there were plenty of other girls who believed that. I knew many girls who had never been kissed and were well into their twenties. I was one of them. When I did finally kiss someone it was "the one" well, he's my ex husband now. And why ex? Because he turned out to be gay.
I often think that if I had been more experienced before I met him, I may have been more aware of some of the "signs" that he was gay. But since I was so totally clueless and incredibly sexually repressed I had no idea what sex should be like. And I had so many hang-ups that our sex life was doubly doomed, not only because he was gay but because I was a prude. It's actually amazing we lasted as long as we did, 8 years and even had kids. If I had it all to do over I would have started kissing boys in HS and experimented with sex.
I think LDS attitudes toward sex do more to wreck marriages than they do at preparing TBMs for successful, healthy marriages. It's absolutely tragic and I am so grateful I am out now so my daughter doesn't have to be as screwed up about sex as I was. But I resent the church for setting me up for such collassal failure and robbing me of a healthy adolescence and young single adulthood...now I'm single but trying to date and meet people when you're a thirty something, overweight single mom is very difficult. I feel like I wasted my youth and beauty. It is still a very sore subject for me.
I was in college (out of Utah) and working part time as the institute janitor. Yep, I actually got paid to clean the institute!
But I digress. One evening, I arrived around 8:30 to start cleaning. I would kick everyone out at 9:00 and lock the doors, then finish up the rest of my work. I started cleaning a classroom that had those accordian dividers, and there were a couple of female students on the other side talking. They had no idea I was in the next room and could hear them.
So, I get a bit interested when I hear that they are talking about sex. They are both of the mindset that sex is something very disgusting, and carry on for several minutes. I was astounded at the lack of knowledge they had, especially when one said to the other, "You know, I think I might be able to have sex with my husband after we've been married for a year or so".
Apparently when you kiss someone, if your genetic makeup is too similiar or incompatible for having a good chance at healthy offspring, you will be turned off.
On a side note, I have a TBM aunt and uncle that kissed for the first time over the temple alter. Some of their kids have carried on this tradition. My family thinks it's really weird, but my cousins and aunt are really proud of it. I wonder if they are getting genetically non-compatible spouses. One of my cousins has 2 severely handicapped kids out of her 5.
"protituting" kisses? "reiterating a biblical ban on prostitution"? Really? Kissing and Prostitution in the same sentence. I wonder how much a mormon "john" would pay a kissing prostitution for one whopping 6-second long kiss? omg. And seriously? Comparing handing out kisses to sharing pretzels? Does anybody simply do one or the other with identical discretion?
? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > "protituting" kisses? "reiterating a biblical ban > on prostitution"? Really? Kissing and Prostitution > in the same sentence. I wonder how much a mormon > "john" would pay a kissing prostitution for one > whopping 6-second long kiss? omg. And seriously? > Comparing handing out kisses to sharing pretzels? > Does anybody simply do one or the other with > identical discretion? ============================================== I can't do pretzels...
Pretzels hurt my teeth. I have bad teeth.
Pretzels have too much salt- bad for my blood pressure, and the ones without salt are b o r i n g !!
This is seriously bad advice. It is also typical of the Mormon approach to externalize your own decisions and choices by imagining an outside authority (parents) in regard to sex rather than encourage people to develop their own experience, values, and limits. Mormonism attempts to keep everyone at 12-years old.
There is also a creepy sense of voyeurism in this--behave like you are being watched because we are watching. It's seriously screwed up.
I'm pretty sure most psychologists would discourage this. It's actually pretty incenstuous in thought. and what happens when these people get married and they have never shared a romantic kiss. I predict anyone who obeyed this advice had a disastrous wedding night.