You know the War I'm talking about!  The one in which some people were "on the fence" and suffered, until 1978, as a result of their lackluster behavior.  I'm assuming the post-1978 spirits were less lackluster than their forebearers.
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Given that probably 100 billion humans have been born since "modern man" evolved (or over the last 6,023 years, take your pick), and only 100 million have been blessed to be members of the True Religion, one has to suppose that there were 99,900,000,000 non-officers, leaving us (assuming you were either BIC or baptized) to be the officers.

When first exploring this theme, I figured that as a Lamanite, and not born into the church, I might have risen as high as Gunnery Sargeant during that holy war.

But that can't be, no matter how unworthy I may feel now.  I had to have been an officer, but I doubt I had much to do with actual combat.  I'm thinking I was probably in charge of a motor pool somewhere in the Pre-Existence domain.  And I probably got caught mailing a jeep home, part by part...  I can imagine the ceremony where they ripped off my good conduct medal!  Thank goodness my mom had an in with Elohim!


What was your rank in the Great War of the Pre-Existence?  

Did you see a lot of action?

deserter

Yum!  Desserter sounds like fun!

I was in the 69th Cleaning Division. Where my skills with a broom come from.

Did I ever tell you about the time I faced two squads of Lucifer's troops alone and armed with only a mop?

I was the same as jesus ... corporal.

corporeal?

Corporal Corporeal, like Major Major but written by Joseph Smith instead of Joseph Heller.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2023 07:53PM by Lot's Wife.

I been at RfM since christ was a corporal !

I was probably sent away on permanent snipe-hunting duty. That way God could spend his time with the people he really liked.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2023 04:39PM by slskipper.

My temple name tells me I was a captain.

Was your first temple trip to one that had the Captain on a spire?

I'm also named for the Captain, but I couldn't salute him because the St. George temple doesn't have his likeness on their spire.


Edited to apologize, in case your temple name is Ahab...or Marvel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2023 05:18PM by elderolddog.

Unfortunately, the Mesa temple is a flat top design.

It does have some nice pools though, which one of my rowdy kids took a swim in while we waited for a relative to conclude a wedding inside.

Scullery Maid, Second Class. . . until I got busted for stealing doughnuts that had been baked for the men.

Then they made me build fences in the hot sun for all those fence-sitters.

Wait, was the doughnut incident near the Asgard border? I was stationed there on Latrine duty for a while and remember hearing about that.

Oh my. As I recall, something was wrong with the cooking oil that day. . .

Not a good time to be on latrine duty!

So *that's* why I went through so much bleach.

initially god level. above jesus next to elohim himself. then found guilty and excommunicated for banging a few million of his spiritual wives. a few of them felt jealous and sold me out. the rest is history. never looked back

I was assigned to a special squad and we were trained to fight with flaming swords. That was exciting because Satan's pitchforks were no match for us. When I asked if were possible to be killed in the war since we hadn't been born yet, the captain told us that would be explained in the next life.
I'm still waiting for that explanation.

If I remember correctly, I was a cook. Didn't have any rank, just plain old cook. Anywhere the food was, that's where I was. My specialty was the candle salad.

Candle Salad just made me spit tea. My Mom made them for my Girl Scout troop, my Dad did a WTF when he saw them.

I like to think I was important but based on my life experience of never being or note or remark, my guess would be Private, maybe a Specialist. I was an E4 but never on the leadership track.

I just remember in a blessing being told that I was a noble and valiant warrior.

I was a spy (actually a double agent).

I would tell you about it, but I can't because I am sworn to keep it secret...er, sacred.

My patriarchal blessing said I was Valiant in the pre-existence, so I guess I was a Plymouth.

I audibly groaned . . .

Winner, BoJ!

I was assigned to be the official heavenly potato peeler. That must explain why I was sent to Idaho later.

...my job was much more more important. I ran the Heavenly Scrap Yard, where I had to hand old DeSoto and Hudson parts to the newly-arriving Cuban saints..........

I was a lowly Private but served in The Haunted Tank, commanded by the famous pre-existence Col. J.E.B. Stuart! (at least in the DC Comics version of the War in Heaven)

I don’t know my rank, but I’d like to believe that I was commanded by Kenny.

https://youtu.be/QypETyoNv-Y

I was in charge of all Shield Maidens; and yes...women fought in that war too!

I remember seeing a few Shield Maidens and Valkyries during my time near the Asgard border, but I didn't get to talk with them or see them in battle. In addition to being on Latrine Detail, I also wasn't allowed to leave the base after getting in a brawl with Apollo and wrecking an Olympian banquet.

In my defense, that self-important himbo had it coming!

The war in heaven was fought with pillows. I was a fluffer, second class.

Fluffer has some meanings you might be ignorant of...

I've never seen a help-wanted ad for a fluffer...  I bet Gladys isn't the only one curious about the requirements.

Oh, you were one of *those* guys. Fluffers have left too many messes for me to think highly of them.

I mean, how hard is it to sweep up the stray goose down and put it in the trashcan themselves?!

What were you in for?

I spent a little time there, so it interests me. Let's just say getting in a drinking contest with Sun Wukong is fun, but not recommended.

I was a conscientious objector. Sat on the hillside and watched it all go down.

Wrote about the whole battle as it went down on some gold plates, but backed it up on a seer stone should the plates be lost. But then I had to create a Urim and Thummin to see where I put the plates. But they fell from the rock I had them sitting on into a hole and some stone rolled over the top as the earth shook from the battle before me. While at the same time the seer stone rolled down the hill into a well someone had dug.

I just said "whatever", sat down and relaxed.

I didn't get to the fence quick enough.

I was the same rank as Kilroy.

Yes, he was here. But I don't think he killed Roy.

I was staring in a USO show for the troops. I think why I got this special calling in life I have now.

I tended to the wounded on The Lord's Side, but very nearly got myself cast into outer darkness by caring for the wounded on Lucifer's side as well. I wasn't literally astride the fence, but I wasn't from it, either. I made it into a white body only because God was grading on a modified curve that day.

I was classified...3H...and only if the other side needed to take hostages