A couple of days ago, I posted about how my MIL and SIL have both been inviting us to church activities so we will "feel the spirit" and return to activity. I got out of going to Women's Conference because my daughter had two different prior activities scheduled Saturday night that she needed rides to. While I realize I probably should have just said "No thank you - I'm not interested in attending Women's Conference," I chickened out.

To no avail because apparently my MIL told my husband she knew very well that DD and I had been attending another church and that was why I didn't want to go to WC with her. But she wasn't going to let that stop her from inviting us to other church things. We've been out of the Mormon church almost 8 years and attending this other, non-denominational church for about 2 1/2 and in all this time, MIL has never brought up the subject with us. It's so aggravating that Mormons won't even acknowledge you left the church or ask why, but feel OK shoving Mormonism down your throat. And it all goes on behind your back.

The good news is MIL and I have always had a pleasant, but not close relationship and she lives 1/2 an hour away. I don't think this will be much of a problem. DH doesn't have a good relationship with his mom and any stunt she pulls to reactivate our family will just push him further away from the church. I'm just sharing this story to show how pervasive bad Mormon behavior is and if you are going through something with your Mormons, their insensitivity and bad sense of boundaries, you aren't alone. It's everywhere. There is no spirit to feel so they are wasting their time and really, if they can't play nicely with other kids, it's OK to not let it bother you. It's their choice to act the way they do. Thankfully, most exmos can see it for what it is.

You can't be wishy washy with the CULT. You have to practically SCREAM "NO THANKS" or they don't get it. Remember they have no boundaries and are told to continually preach.

This is why the CULT members have no friends other than other CULT members.

they do have boundaries when it comes to letting you tell them what's wrong with the church. You're supposed to respect their right not to have to listen to any 'anti' nonsense that the profit told them not to listen to.

I wonder what would happen if you sat a 'boundary invader' down and looked him/her in the eye, and with great solemnity said,

"I want to bear/bare (pick one!) my testimony to you. I know that Joseph Smith was a just a flawed human being whose greatest desire in life was to become rich without working for it. I know that he, along with others, made up all the stories that support the BofM being of Andy Devine origin... (okay, leave the 'Andy' out)

Why is it that they expect you to sit still for their BS, but do not want to accord you the same privilege? I mean aside from their delusion of testimony...

I like that idea.

And I like that you write sentences such as "...his dick in a page or intern..." Go, you!

Sometimes, i want to reactivate and go all the way through, documenting everything as a total nonbeliever, and release the video to every mind numbed robot i know.
But that would require me to be around these people and tolerate their scripted, yet magically totally unique testimonies, day in and day out. I couldn't do that to my family either. I like them. I don't want to spend all that time away from them at church, doing crap for church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2015 03:00PM by truorderofawesome.

Just keep politely declining, but maybe expound a bit. "Thanks for thinking of us. But the church we are going to is a good fit for us and we truly enjoy going there and would not like to miss."

Or if you feel generous, offer a one-to-one trade. You come to my church for an hour (first), then I'll come to yours for an hour. I'm guessing it would get tiresome and would die out shortly.

If not, just say no thanks and change the subject. It's pathetic how Mormons try to control our thinking in these fruitless ways. They could be happier if they'd give it up and enjoy life as it is.

If you have asked her not to invite you to Mormon Religious activities, then changing the subject is too nice.

I would say, don't change the subject matter.
* Hang up the phone
* Leave the house/restaurant
* For email/FB, a curt Not interested

If you do this, then the request will always be at the end of the conversation. This will make conversations, initially, very short.

Now that you know what the real deal is, never feel guilty about saying no to her. Don't ever given it a second thought and don't ever worry if you may hurt her feelings by saying no. Obviously it is not about you, at all. It's all about her superiority complex and how Mormonism is absolutely true, anyone else's feelings be damned.

To every invitation say no and nothing else. It's simple, uses up less energy, you don't have to think up excuses and may just drive her crazy. Mormons need to get a clue that not everyone wants to be like them or waste their lives in meaningless meetings.

I guess you are just going to have to say, "No thank you" like a broken record. Perhaps on occasion you or you and DH can extend a non-churchy invitation to do something with her.

You really cant blame them much. You aren't standing up for yourself. You cant expect someone to back down when you appear passive to their suggestions.

Employ the power of No.

RMM

Actually, that's not true. It's not that I haven't stood up for myself so much as they have never, ever brought the subject up. She's known for a while now, apparently, that we aren't attending church and never showed any interest or concern about what was going on. Never asked why. Nothing but crickets. You can't stand up to silence. That's why I didn't want to open a can of worms by saying exactly why I didn't want to go to women's conference with her but I think it's pretty slimy that she has already diagnosed and come up with a "cure" without so much as acknowledging that she thinks I'm "sick." I mean, not a word to me, just a "I'm going to shove my remedy down your throat without even asking how you feel or what would help or even what questions you have, so I might resolve your concerns. Without even acknowleding you aren't attending." I realize this is just pure cult programming at it's worst but it's what makes Mormonism so sicko.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/29/2015 04:20PM by CA girl.

Based on your original post you admit you should have said something else.

This new post is a little vague. It seems like you want her to address "The elephant in the room" and acknowledge your absence from Mormonism and approach you with some questions.

You do not owe anyone any explanations for your choices.

But if you do not want her to keep asking you to events you would rather not be at-then it is up to you to speak up with the "No Thanks".

Do not fault her because she did not approach you in a more preferable way.

We have no control over what people say to us. We have control on how we respond.

Best Wishes,
RMM

I found the Mormon BS from my family was quickly reduced to minimal levels once I made it clear I'd respond with some of those pesky anti-mormon lies.

When they would bring up a Mormon topic to try and help me feel the spirit again, I'd respond with a fact they didn't want to hear.

Like,

Hmmmm.... that's cool Dad. So maybe you can explain to me, Why did Joseph Smith Marry a 14 year old girl and coerce her into the marriage with promises for her family?

Thanks for the invite, Sister. But I was wondering how the church explains away the fact that the Book of Abraham papyrus has nothing to do with Abraham, and is a simple funerary papyrus from a time long after Abraham existed?

That stopped the invites and the passive aggressive e-mail forwards.

It all comes down to black and white thinking. She, and the church, are right and you are wrong. This thinking makes them feel completely justified in pounding you down with their propaganda. How you feel about it is irrelevant.

Maybe you could take MIL aside and just say, "I know you feel it is your responsibility to God and the church to bring us back into the fold but that ship has sailed. We appreciate your good intentions and your strong love for us and our eternal salvation but it's just not going to happen. We'd really like to feel closer and more comfortable with you and that will not happen until you drop the religious pressure. Please just accept us as we are now. Thank you."

"I got out of going to Women's Conference because my daughter...."

Do not give excuses, real or fabricated, for not going to something. They will interpret that as meaning you would have been willing to go had it not been for the scheduling conflict.

Just. Say. No. Own your decision.

Why not just say "MIL, we stopped attending the LDS church 8 years ago. We're just not interested anymore, and we won't be going to any LDS activities."

I have an idea, invite her to one of your church functions :)

better yet, start inviting her to pagan rituals. Tell them it's sky clad required. See how fast the invites stop.

with a short list of the advantages your church has over the time & money black hole that is mormonism.

Actually, we invited my TBM SIL to a church production of Scrooge last Christmas and she went and had nice things to say about the play and the people she met. But I doubt my MIL would do anything but go ballistic.

Hey there CA girl,

Here's something you could try - I do it with my folks and it's GREATLY reduced the frequency of invites (All that jive about teaching an old dog new tricks and such):

Start inviting THEM to do things with your church group OR other things that you KNOW they're going to say "no" to out of principle. Do it in a proactively cheerful and friendly way and do it regularly... ESPECIALLY when they invite you to cult activities.

For example:

The last time my parents were in town, the invited us to go to church with them at the local ward in my neighborhood. I politely declined and then IMMEDIATELY invited them to come with us to have a picnic in Memory Grove with us and enjoy the sunshine, fresh air, and company of their family rather than meet in a concrete building with strangers...

They got the message :)

It's worth a shot. At the very least, you'll be teaching them exactly what they're doing to you and it just might help them back off a little. At the most, you might have a miracle and they'll actually agree to something at some point and you can share time with your family - it's a win-win!

Real life; isn't it about being REAL?

you could let them know about the local pagan pride festival if you're in a city where there is one?