A short background on me. Im a never mo raised by a jack mormon mother and a father who was catholic. Im an extremely high functioning aspergers so to most i may be very socialy and comunicativly quirky. I only say this because it gives me lots of challenges when writing posts.

Anyways im in a situation beyond my controll where my wife and i were forced to move into her parents house and we cant wait to get out but for now we are stuck. The conditions of living here were simply to pay $200 rent and respect their religion. No problem thats reasonable. However there was never an intention of anyone respecting me in anything. I call this house the leaning tower of (insert their last name here). It leans about 5 degrees, its a typical hoarder house. Its falling appart, when it rains the upstairs bathroom has one wall that is a waterfall. The house is collapsing. My wifes family is too poor too lazy and too dumb to fix or maintain the house. They wont clean anything they wont throw anything in the garbage even if the can us right next to them. They live off church wellfare, all they eat is church food, if anything breaks it stays broke untill the bishop buys them a new one, havent had a clothes washing machiene in 6 months.

Yet. They pay tithing religiously. They pay tithing on their gross before taxes, then they pay tithing on their tax returns, everytime they pay any bill they pay tithing on the bill ammount, when i had to spend my entire paycheck to get their power turned back on they started paying tithing on all my paychecks. When the bishop gave them an old used bed bug ridden couch they paid tithing on that. Its sickening. When my little sister inlaw quit her job they told my wife we would have to pay her tithing based on what she would have gotten if she hadnt quit her job.

As dirty and unclean and lazy as these people are they spare no expense in buying the best suits and dresses fir church. They wont clean their own personal space yet they will stop at nothing to clean the churches toilets.

And the guilt trips OMG, it never ends. I could write a thousand pages on the disgust and contempt i hold for TBMs after seeing the unadulterated brainwashing first hand with my own eyes. All of this on top of my own previous mistreatment from mormons in my past.

How on gods earth do people live under the thumb of the church its maddening. How on gods earth do people not see whats wrong with it all?

Contact the city, county, state... You would be better off anywhere else. Explain they are taking your money for a cult... and you are living in unhealthy squalor. There may be other housing options available for you if you are among the working disabled.

You should also check legal services. Many areas have attorneys or mediators who donate time once a month to assist people in sorting out difficult issues.

Stay away from there as much as possible: library, bookstore, mall, gym... until you can find other housing.

Good luck. You can solve this bit by bit.

These people aren't just brainwashed, they're mentally ill. Fixing this is way above your pay grade. IMHO, even coping with it is above your pay grade. I feel sorry for the bishop.

Yup. Agreed Bro.

I don't know "how on god's earth people live like that" either winterbourne. It is a mental illness. And you can't fix it.

Get out before the situation destroys your mental health, your marriage, or both.

Good luck.

;o)

I think that dysfunctional individuals and families are more common that we perhaps realize. Mormonism seems to accentuate the dysfunction. I'm sorry that you have to live with this. I hope that you can get out of this situation ASAP.

I agree with the other poster's who say this isn't your problem to fix. They are mentally ill and TSCC seems to be enhancing their issues.

Stay sane and get out as soon as you can as far away as possible.

Good luck!

First, this is most likely a mental health issue and is not about the religion. I've seen this situation -- it covers the gamut of people, with or without religion. Very often, there is no hope for any change. It will continue on unless there is an intervention and long term counseling and help.

It's totally out of your control. All you can do is control some minor things that pertain to you.

I agree with those that recommend you get out as soon as possible.

I agree that it is mental illness. I'm wondering if it would help for you to contact the bishop and explain a little about the tithing situation.

I usually wouldn't recommend getting the church involved, but the in-laws probably won't listen to you. If the bishop is a decent human being, he could have a talk to them about tithing, and tell them that they are overpaying. They do NOT need to pay on tax refunds (that money was already tithed), or on 2nd hand goods, etc. If a church leader tells them that GOD wants them to take care of themselves, maybe they'll listen. Also, maybe their bishop might be able to get them some counseling to help with the hoarding.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 01:42PM by imaworkinonit.

I agree that it's a mental illness, and that sometimes the bishop might be able to help by saying that they don't need to pay tithing on tax refunds since that money was tithed. My ex-husband and his mom were hoarders like that, and in the end, the only thing I was really able to do for my own health was to divorce my ex.

I later found out that they were evicted, and when I thought it was due to foreclosure, it was also because the living conditions were reported to the health department. I'm sure my ex blames me for making that report, but I really think it was the bishop who did that, since he heard from the HT's about the hoarding because they refused to vist my ex and his mom. The reason they went into foreclosure is that his mom bought too much house on a teacher's salary, and didn't understand that banks don't take summer vacations when it comes to expecting mortgage payments.

Basically, the only thing I would suggest is to just try to get you and your wife out of that house, since they're mentally ill and not likely to change their hoarding. For me, that's what I ended up doing and it saved both my mental and physical health to just get out of that hoarding situation.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 02:30PM by adoylelb.

I suspect the bishop is aware of this situation. Maybe not to the full extent but he knows. He (and his cult) is part of the problem.

Does anyone really expect him to tell them to stop giving the cult so much money? He will continue to say, "bless you" to them and tell them the lard is aware of their struggles and the windows of heaven are being opened for them and that they should continue to pay, pray and obey. End of story.

I suggest the OP get the h#&& out of that pit. Some how, some way.

dejavue Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I suggest the OP get the h#&& out of that pit.
> Some how, some way.


I agree. Try to find a way out. Filthy living conditions can compromise your health and it just isn't worth it. Good luck!

Isn't there a trailer in a trailer park somewhere you could rent? Anything would be better than where you are at.

I know a hoarder, tried to help her by cleaning up so that she could get around in a wheel chair and walker after surgery on her foot. It was hopeless.

I can't tell you how depressed and unhealthy I felt while I was trying to help.

The bishop is likely giving aid to the family based on their paying tithing, because they're usually required to. It seems like you inlaws are going a little overboard with it (like on the tax returns), but it is their money. I'd focus on doing everything in my power to get out of there. It's not likely going to change.

So true! It's strange how they'll help those who probably should be getting some tough love instead. Those who could really use a temporary leg up? Nope. Nothing. It's like they really do want to keep create a collection of kooks. The folks who are good with rational thought are shunned.

She posts, "Contact the city, county, state... You would be better off anywhere else. Explain they are taking your money for a cult... and you are living in unhealthy squalor."

Yes, call an appropriate government authority (probably municipal or county) is the right thing to do, but complaining about your in-law's religious beliefs and practices will backfire. You need to call Inspectional Services, the Board of Health, the Fire Department, and (possibly) other agencies. The dwelling is a health, hygiene, and fire hazard and an intervention appears to be necessary.

Some steps to consider:

1) Start taking pictures of the place.

2) Keep a journal of problem issues, episodes, experiences. Reconstruct the history as best you can.

3) Itemize specific, exigent problems: bad wiring, excessive use of outlets, food left out, pet feces, yard hazards (which visitors and children might be exposed to). Take pictures of them.

4) Educate yourself about alternate living arrangements. Check with social services, shelters, relocation services. There are government services, the Salvation Army, others who can point you in the right direction. You may be eligible for the short list on public housing or help from the Red Cross, Veterans or Elder services etc. You won't know till you start asking around. You have a steep learning curve ahead--GET CRACKING!

4-A) If anybody says "we don't help people of your category" or "We don't do that" (etc.) your next question is, "Who does?"

5) When you know your options, call the appropriate agencies and authorities for an inspection. Be ready to pack fast and vacate. If the house is bad, immediate vacating may be necessary.

5-A) This includes the landlord or management folks if they rent. Find out if there is a neighborhood organization which would be concerned about a problem property.

6) Expect a trainload of cr*p from lots of people who only know them as well-dressed church folk.

7) Be ready to help your in-laws to get professional help. Horders resist treatment. They need loving encouragement to get counseling, which may involve medication, and lengthy follow-up to stay with, and perhaps modify, their regimen.

Edited by caffiend to add 4-A and 5-A.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 06:37PM by caffiend.

It's disturbing, but you are living in their home. Their choices are bad, but they are their choices. As long as you are benefiting from them, you will have little credibility with anyone you contact for help. The only thing for both of you to do is to work as hard as you can to be able to support your family and get out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 06:44PM by woodsmoke.

It's a matter of degree, woodsmoke. If they're just really bad housekeepers, then you're right: They're obnoxious, but it's their house and their business. OTH, winterbourne posted:

" I call this house the leaning tower of (insert their last name here). It leans about 5 degrees, its a typical hoarder house. Its falling appart, when it rains the upstairs bathroom has one wall that is a waterfall. The house is collapsing. My wifes family is too poor too lazy and too dumb to fix or maintain the house. They wont clean anything they wont throw anything in the garbage even if the can us right next to them."

That suggests to me that there are serious violations of building and sanitary codes, which is why I recommend photos, a journal (documentation), and inspection. Perhaps a forced eviction will show them, the hard way, just how benevolent their cult really is.

Incidentally, if minor children reside there (not mentioned), seriously bad housekeeping may be sufficient to warrant government intervention and oversight.

Basis for my advice: retired first responder. I've seen quite a few, some with corpses.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 07:30PM by caffiend.

Not saying it might not be really bad, even to the point of pathology but if the OP and his wife are also residents, anyone who might be contacted for help may ask why they simply aren't doing the cleaning themselves since they are living there. I'm certainly not saying the home is functional, but the OP's in-laws are stopping them from being homeless at the moment, and so the first step is to save enough to move out. As long as they are still living there, they don't have much to say about it and no one is getting help (including the fact that added bodies equals added cost and mess). It's not safe for anyone. Also, paying tithing isn't illegal. Immoral on the church's part, but not illegal. They are free to spend their money (or waste it) as they see fit. The hoarding and safety issues are the only things the OP can affect. A forced eviction would also leave the OP and his family homeless at this point.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2015 07:32PM by woodsmoke.

How depressing.

Yes they pay a lot of tithing as a % of their income. But they are smart to do so. They get all those free $ from the church in return. They get to be freeloaders off the church and yet maintain their idea that they are building the kingdom of God.