I ran across this site after my wife met some Mormon ladies and asked why they were so depressed. We spent some time browsing last night and landed here. All of the pain, confusion, & grief on this site brought back memories, I haven't thought of in years.

A short bit about me.

I was born into very devout parents and endured all of the normal things growing up Mormon entails. I honestly didn't start to question it until I was in the MTC. A speaker got up a read a passage from a BoM pre-Talmage, repeatedly stating "not one word has changed". I was following along with my more recent copy seeing all of the changes. I served the two years in England in the "elite" mission where I was the token "normal" filler. I roomed with a Hinkley, Mariott, and some other family names you might recognize. I had a few interesting visitors while I was there. Both mission presidents were members of the 70 when they returned.

By the time I returned home the blinders were off and my sanity hung by a thread. I struggled through the next year (skipping a lot) until a family trip to the temple for sealing work with my grandparents. I stood in the temple in all of the fun getup and decided it was the end of it. I never went back except to deliver a letter to the bishop to remove my name from the lists.

I was usually a hotheaded fool back then but I made some decisions that were in retrospect very wise.

1. I never explained why I left to any of my family. They would never understand the reason and they needed to accept me for who I was. I accepted that I would be ostracized with my decision. Adding conflict would only make it more painful.

2. I would actively not try to be bitter and vengeful at the LDS church but move on with my life.

3. I would not "throw the baby out with the bathwater". Not everything the Mormon church teaches is negative and terrible. There are a few good things hidden in the dogma.

4. After spending so much of my life so wrapped up in it I decided spend some time as an agnostic. I just let it be. I'm still just letting it be.


Soon after I left, I met my lovely (barely catholic) wife. I was quickly adopted into her screwy but wonderful family who I am very close to today.

I have traveled the world sampling wonderful beverages. Amazing how many coffee's and alcoholic beverages there are.

I've been able to pick my own bias on all topics and make logical and clear conclusions.

Best of all, I have two wonderful boys who don't know the meaning of the word "Mormon".

Sadly my Mormon family has never accepted my decision. I've watch the religion wreck havoc with my siblings and extended family. I grieve for their needless suffering. Several of my sisters and I haven't spoken in many years.

I won't lie, it was an emotionally excruciatingly painful experience at the time I decided to leave. But 15 years later, the wounds no longer sting. Time, maturity, experience, have all worked together to allow me to move beyond it.

It also left me an unexpected gift. The one thing that all Mormon's are supposedly seeking but never finding.

JOY!

Congrats!

The church obliterated my family. The slow implosion within Mormonism the past few years gives me hope that more may be leaving the oppression behind.

Your children are fortunate they weren't forced to attend seminary, and so on.

Cheers to you and your family!

Very happy for you...Welcome to RfM!!!

Congratulations to you and your family!

Yes! Joy!

And I've come down off of my judgmental pedestal.

Nine years resigned for me.

Well said and I am happy for you.

Glad you have reached a level of joy. It is a great thing!

Cheers, Adam

Could you expound upon this?

"3. I would not "throw the baby out with the bathwater". Not everything the Mormon church teaches is negative and terrible. There are a few good things hidden in the dogma."

Getting to the "good stuff" probably involves viewing those good things with bad glasses. In other words, giving fast offerings is a good thing except that you are allowing a man you might barely know to decide what to do with your charity. You might avoid helping someone you know in order to sacrifice your donation to someone doing it in the interest of a leader's discretion and it might be giving to someone you know doesn't have the greater need. But you will never know.

The good things in Mormonism not something you want to hear understandably.

I know it's hard to see in the middle of all of the other junk that they throw at you. The few positive things are what keep many members from leaving despite all the obvious corruption and idiocracy.

At it's core it is still a schism of Christianity. As such many of social guidelines are in common. These social guidelines are not unique to Christianity as all of the major and minor religions around the world have a core of similar ideas.

It basically breaks down to being nice to other people. Show compassion, hope, and love.

When rejecting the organization balance is important. I've seen too many people who have left go on a rampage of self-destructive behavior. This is driven by rebellion against the extreme social rules fo the religion. People are very susceptible to going too far due their delicate emotional & psychological state until they begin to heal.

The most important thing to do when leaving is to learn how to take control & responsibility for your own life.

THE V Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The good things in Mormonism not something you
> want to hear understandably.

You misjudge me. I have been on the prowl for good things in Mormonism for a very long time. I get one of two responses. Either good for raising families or good for social conventions that apply to many belief systems. Confucius has some terrible things in his writings along with some good.

> It basically breaks down to being nice to other
> people. Show compassion, hope, and love.

I was looking for specifics and I gave one myself and it wasn't really that "good" in Mormonism. It is somewhat compulsory and you don't get to be involved in the giving.

I have done much the same thing as your four points in many ways.

I changed my mind about my religious views, and world view. We can do that. Most of my family and friends had no idea why I left. Some conjured up strange ideas, but so what. I only shared it with a few specific people.

I had many positive, good experiences in Mormonism. I have a family that I love, children, grand children and a new great grand child. Religion is never an issue with any of us. I stayed married to a believer until his death in Jan 2013. I let the cream rise to the top.

When I left it was not about negativity, it was about the story and the claims that I could not accept anymore.

Having been raised in Christianity I knew Mormonism was based on a lot of the same teachings. Sometimes
I refer to it as the: "Red headed step child of Christianity."

I'm all for universal truths: the Golden Rule and Love One another. Or in two words: make nice!

And most of all, I made peace with all of it many years ago keeping an attitude of gratitude!
I'm a proponent of taking your power back and owning it.

I find your attitude and approach very healthy. Thanks for sharing.