So, I joined the church to be nice about a year ago. And I regret it. I was downtown at a show, and the missionaries were outside. I had literally never seen real missionaries before, and they came up and started talking to me. They were, of course, extremely attractive (I was barely 18 at the time), and asked for my number. They invited me to church the next week, and contacted me all the time. I went, because they were cute and nice and I felt sorry for them. I never believed in the church. The two elders that worked with me were persistent, sweet, and funny. I had a mild crush on them, and they were so earnest I couldn't bear to admit to them that I thought everything they were teaching me was BS. Everyone in the YSA ward was super sweet as well, and as I was a bit lonely during this time, I welcomed the friendships. Long story short, I was too timid to tell them no, I don't want to commit to this, and I let them baptize me. Three weeks later. The elders loved me, and bragged about their golden convert to the sister missionaries. I never kept the word of wisdom, never believed in the church, and never obeyed the law of chastity. Not even a bit. But I felt so much pressure from the sweet missionaries and the fun (if weirdly childish) other people in the ward to join and remain active that I couldn't ditch before I was over my head (literally, in the baptismal font.)

Anyway, this happened in February and by May I knew I couldn't stand going to church and meeting with the missionaries anymore. I had enjoyed the company and support for a couple months, even going to a YSA conference, but it quickly became horrid. I live in sin, I'm an existentialist, and the lying was getting exhausting. I hadn't even told my friends and family that I was a new Mormon. I ended up lying about leaving for the summer in order to avoid the inevitable "We missed you at church today :)" texts and the visits from the home teachers. Right now I'm studying abroad for a semester and the anxiety is mounting. The missionaries, members, and brothers keep texting me and messaging me on Facebook, and I just act like I never see them. I get back to my city in January, and I will be starting university there in the spring. I had planned to ditch out of state and safely go inactive, but I couldn't due to personal reasons. Problem is, the YSA ward is connected with the university and he church is literally on the campus. Going inactive when I could get spotted by members (whom I told that I was going to a different university) would be difficult, and awkward. I need to leave so I can feel free and safe in my own city and abroad without getting hounded by other members who want to make sure their golden convert stays a golden convert. It's giving me incredible anxiety and I need to know how I can resign ASAP, from overseas.

TL;DR I let cute elders baptize me after 3 weeks when I never followed a single teaching of the church, now I hate it and need to leave so I don't get accosted by members. Help!

I also want to add that my serious boyfriend (was my best friend at the time of my baptism and became my boyfriend a month later) who is very casual Greek Orthodox with existentialist leanings doesn't know about my Mormon problem. No one knows, and it's horrible. I feel like if he found out it could screw up my relationship. I had no idea that letting a nice guy in a suit dunk me in a cold tub of water was going to affect my ENTIRE LIFE. The missionaries really need to stop targeting 18 year old girls.

Send in your resignation NOW! Ah...Sweet peace of mind! You can email your resignation or use snail mail. If you do it now, by the time you get home in January, you will most likely be forgotten in the minds of most members because the slight ripple that your resignation may have caused will have subsided and most of them will simply ignore you. (You will be considered one of 'those' Apostates and they fear apostates.)

"Sorry, I'm no longer interested in going to your church. Please don't contact me again. Goodbye."

Repeat the above word for word as often as needed, then close the door or hang up the phone. Don't talk to them using social media. Cut them off. They tend to be pests. Just say no.

They're cute and sweet. That's their come-on. Don't fall for it again. They target anyone who will listen without considering age. You have to be a strong adult or they may never leave you alone.

Don't explain. Don't give reasons. Just quit talking to them.

It will help if you officially resign.

And time to put on the big girl panties. :)

Sending in your resignation and stop the hiding and avoiding. Be open and honest and tell them you don't believe and are moving on with your life.

Send in your resignation now. You can e-mail it.

Just tell them you're no longer a member.

You sound like you need to take assertiveness training classes while you're in college.

I did. It's nothing to be ashamed of. As you are, you're not standing up for yourself when you need to be.

You'll mature with time. You're young, and have your whole life ahead of you. Be glad they didn't have their hooks in you longer.

It's easier to get out before you become entrenched and heavily indoctrinated with bullcrap.

Yeah, I know. I've dealt with pretty intense social anxiety (panic attacks, the whole shebang) since I was 11 or so, so assertiveness has never been my forte. For what it's worth, I'm pretty stubborn in my ideals and I doubt they'd ever actually indoctrinate me, just intimidate me. I'll look into these classes though, thanks!

You have a head start on many of us here.

First, you weren't born into the cult.

Second, you knew it was donkey doo long before most of us did.

Third, you're already to bail.

Fourth, you've learned a very valuable lesson for someone so young about making major decisions in your life.

Plus you're in college, and getting a world class education. You have many things going for you that are positive. Having an association with having been Mormon even briefly is not going to set you back on your road to success.

You've learned from it, and including the people you've met have not been all bad for you, if they've helped you to grow.

What you do with your newfound wisdom [and freedom,] is up to you. Don't expect perfection in or out of the gospel. Learn from your mistakes, and expect there will be more of them along the way.

That's a part of life. :)

The class I took while in college was a part of the Communications Department. It was an add-on while I was an undergrad to that department. Most of the class were women. As women growing up in Idaho, which was largely a bible belt and a part of the Morridor when I grew up there, we women did not learn how to be assertive as children or young adults.

So the class was very helpful to us in overcoming our anxiety about standing up for ourselves.

If it isn't offered in your college, make inquiries in the Communications department. It may be something they'll add, or perhaps you can find an online class if not available in the classroom.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2015 01:07PM by amyjo.

Excellent lesson to learn that will help you throughout your life....
STOP LYING
"A tangled web we weave, when the purpose is to deceive"

You've learned a lot about yourself through this experience.

Mormons (and other cults) purposefully target people at transitional points of life. They do not respect personal boundaries and exploit a person's normal desire to be nice.

You seem to want to avoid conflict and disappointing other people. But you cannot control how other people feel.

Resign. Explain what happened to your BF and ask for his support. We all make mistakes, don't hide from it any more.

Have answers ready for the awkward moments when run into Mormons who know you.

"I resigned because I decided it wasn't for me after all."

You may get some love bombing and you will probably lose some Mormon "friends".

It helps to approach this as an anthropological case study. Set aside the anxiety and dispassionately observe what happens. Read Hassan's work on cults and check off the boxes of his BITE model.

You've learned a lot. Quit beating yourself up.

Welcome to the board! I am so sorry that you got sucked into Mormonism. The missionaries are trained to take advantage of those who are lonely, at loose ends, or who just can't say no. I agree with Amyjo that you will need to learn how to be more assertive. Just keep remembering that in terms of personal choices, the only opinion that matters is yours.

Email your resignation. Give your last address on your previous campus. Let the Member Records department sort it out.

Complete directions for how to do so can be found here:

http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

After you have emailed your resignation, PM the missionaries and your Mormon friends and acquaintances. Tell them that you made a mistake, that the church is not a good fit for you, you have sent in your resignation, which is final, and you wish them well. If they ask follow-up questions, just say that it is a personal decision, and you know they will respect your agency ("agency" is Mormon-speak for the right to make your own decisions.) Do not give reasons apart than that. It is not their business why you wish to leave the Mormon church. If they continue to pester you, unfriend them or unfollow them. But just a heads-up, it is unlikely that any will choose to continue their friendship with you. Mormons often fear and shun those who leave the church. It's not you, it's them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2015 08:44AM by summer.

Thank you so much, thank you to everyone who's replied. It feels good to finally have an outlet. So when I email in my resignation, do I have to include all the same run around (I have come to this conclusion with much study and prayer and I know the consequences blah blah blah) or use just the email form provided on the site? Thanks!

Use the email form provided.

You're an adult. Why are you giving these people the power to take over your life?

They have no more power over you than you're willing to give them.

You've handed over your own power. Be your own advocate and take it back again. Sometimes in life, the only person that you can really count on, is yourself.

By the way, they really don't like having people around who don't believe. It's like that person is contagious or something. They almost become afraid of you.

If you say to them, "To be completely honest, you people are just so nice that I wanted to be a part of you. But the truth is that I don't believe a word of it. I never did and at this point, I realize that I'm just not going to."

That way, you're at least letting them know how much you like and appreciate them, but you're stating flat out that you don't believe a word of it. Make sure that you emphasize that you never believed a word of it.

Maybe say that by attending church, you've come to realize how important it is to believe in this religion and so you've moved on. Thank them for being there for you when you really needed a friend.

Don't tell them that you don't follow the rules, or they'll just think, "Oh, she just couldn't live the Gospel. She's weak."

Good luck.

This was my thought, too. I think telling them you never believed would get them to back off.

Welcome to the RfM board! It's always fun to get new people.

Sadly, your story is all too common here--young college girl sucked into Mormonism by two cute young guys who are too persistent. Guys keep contacting, coming over, trying to teach, won't leave you alone.

Take the Donnerbalken challenge and leave while the leaving is good, by doing as others have suggested, and resigning your membership today. There are instructions right here on this website. Then reject all attempts to talk you back into the church, something that will almost certainly happen. When you resign, there will be a 30-day cooling off period in which the bishop and/or missionaries will pester you. When you resign, say in no uncertain terms that you are waiving that period and are resigning effective upon their receiving the message. If you do it by mail, your resignation is effective as soon as the letter gets posted into the system. By E-mail, it is immediate.

Good luck. It is a cult, and they will make it hard on you, but you can do it. Mormonism is bullshit, and you are free to quote all of us on that.

And the truth shall set you free!

Advice: STOP LYING

Copy and paste the URL to this thread and send it to all the people who text and email you.

You can just send the URL by itself, or add a little note, like "thank bleeding Jesus I found RfM! They can help you, too!"

If they pester you, just keep sending the URL as your only response.

I like this idea...

"The missionaries, members, and brothers keep texting me and messaging me on Facebook"

"I had no idea that letting a nice guy in a suit dunk me in a cold tub of water was going to affect my ENTIRE LIFE."

That's what happens when you join a totalitarian obedience cult that's obsessed with controlling every aspect of your life. The pressure will soon start toward getting you into the temple, which you really don't want to do. Everyone has said your best course of action is to resign, and they're right. An email will do it.

Your other option is to get yourself excommunicated. In your case, it's very easy; just talk proudly of all the great sex you've been having with your Greek Orthodox BF. For more effect, do it while holding a cup of steaming coffee. And don't forget the magic words: "Joseph Smith was a lying piece of s***." That'll do it, but they'll do their best to drag you through the Mud Pit of Shame during the ordeal. Considering your nature as a people pleaser, I imagine you wouldn't much care for that.

Which brings me to my next point. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. If you can't do that, it's unreasonable to expect others to do it for you. This lesson applies not only with Mormons, but in all other areas of life as well. Learn to say "no" and mean it. Take classes if you have to. Otherwise, you'll go through life as a doormat; constantly being used and taken advantage of and discarded, and never respected. A truly miserable existence.

Finally, as others have advised, stop the lying. You feel bad about it, and then you just have to cover with more lies. When you're eventually found out, you'll simply be just another liar. Again, no respect on that road.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2015 12:44PM by Book of Mordor.

To put it briefly: They are a cult, and you were their target.

You can simply quit, or if you want to possibly plant a seed to help others question their addiction to the cult, you can hang around this site for a bit to learn some of the truly wacky crap they've been led to think is real and true and let them know that the LDS church is "not a fit for you" for genuine reasons. When you learn the real story, you can hold you head high and have you integrity intact. Most LDS people are really cool but they put their integrity on hold if they don't process the fact that their "restored church" is a scam.

P.S. You are not a sinner unless you let them convince you that you are. (Well, if you killed a guy or sold heroin or ripped off someone, *then* you'd be a sinner, but I don't think you're in that boat :-) )

http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

The above is the link to a exit form. You can email or snail mail.