We left tscc a few years ago, when my son was 8. Last night I was talking with him and Mormonism got brought up. He was wondering about ancestry which led to baptisms for the dead. He couldn't believe it. He was laughing and saying how weird it was. Then he wanted to hear more. So we mentioned secret handshakes and magic underwear. We had a great time laughing with him. He wants to hear more. What other weird, funny Mormon non-sense could I tell him about?

Brown & Black skin coloring is a curse. Brown skinned Lamanites were promised that if they were 'righteous' they would *un-tan* and become White & Delightsome.

All the 1491 inhabitants of the Americas were Israelites.

Bakers hats, green aprons, water instead of wine, paying 10% with no idea where it goes, holy book with zero archeological evidence, perfect translation with over 100,000 edits, pearl of great price translation of egyptian funeral scroll, Brigham Young (too much to count), rock in hat translation, and don't forget gods and goddesses having unlimited spirit babies.

There are four apostles called by Jesus himself during his sojourn on earth who are still alive today.

My secret name is Moroni, How many guys who went through the Jerusalem temple got that name?

Kolob.

wooden submarines, oh and that ferret thing.

what's up with that?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/07/2015 12:43PM by scooter.

Tying their hands to bedposts so they wont jack off.

They cannot address each other without pretending to be siblings.

They're seldom if ever known by their first names.

Referring to their fellow Mormons as 'Brother and Sister So And So' is pleasing unto the Lord.

They think giving names to soda drinks with sexual inuendos makes them sophisticated as they drink that HFCS stuff while judging those who drink coffee and actual tea.

Their obsession with anything having to do with Disney and their secular vacations are to Disneyland or other Disney park.

Temple weddings, where they wear green Masonic style aprons, and women wear an ugly veil instead of the types of veils that most brides wear.

Believe in mormonism.
The weirdest thing of all!

Heaven is like the Olympic Games. There is a gold,silver and bronze.

Everyone is given a new name. Men can know the wives names. Women can't know the mans. Wtf..

Believing that a con man and child predator is god's mouthpiece.

Zelph the white Lamanite & the Kinderhook plates.

Box of glass tiles covered with a blanket that JS used to fool people into believing they were gold plates. But when the blanket was pulled off he claimed that he knew they were going to peek & so he didn't brig the "real" ones.

Dinosaurs were never on this planet because it's too young for them to have been here. Their bones came when other planets were used to make Earth.

Or at least I think that's how that particular story went.

Sing "We Thank Thee, Oh God, for a Prophet," while beating off in the shower. The Boner.

Well of course the dinosaurs didn't die on earth because Mormons believe that before Adam screwed up there was no death anywhere on earth.

Hold men in high esteem that used to bang multiple chicks at the same time... Does that qualify as weird and funny?

the licked cupcake thing, MLMs/affinity fraud (treat everyone well.. esp. if you want their money), kolob, men getting their own planets, the underwear... going door to door bothering everyone, wondering why people get annoyed and then calling it "persecution".

the weired sing-songy voice that makes women sound like serial killers.people being so incessantly forced-happy and the connection to mood altering drugs.

Some of the strangest:
1. Believing all 12 year old male mormons have more power and know more about God than any non-mormon.

2. Power of discernment to keep out the unrighteous, yet all the mormon temple lockers have padlocks.

3. God and Jesus like short hair, white shirts, and ties (or to say another way, they really care about the way a person dresses).

4. No tithing = no Celestial Kingdom.

My own family didn't do this, but some of my Mormon relatives and the families of multiple friends from my childhood and teen yeas knelt in a very odd manner when they were having family prayers.

Think it's cute to wear a t-shirt under a prom dress to make it sufficiently "modest."

A neighbor of mine was a church going LDS lady. She and her husband had 4 children. He would leave for work and her boyfriend would drive in. Later when she was caught and divorced she was still seeing the boyfriend. When he wanted to marry her she did not know if she could because he drank Coffee.

ROFL.

Temple stuff Pre-1990:
Naked poncho touching time in the temple. Blood oaths promising to be killed three ways if you reveal the super sacred secrets.

Pay-lay-ale....wow! Adams real pure language.

God answering "It is well." Ungrammatical and awkward usage, though that phase was coincidentally used in JS's time.

Having to repeat the lamest and most boring prayers in the prayer circle.

What is "pay lay ale" supposed to mean anyway?

Drink hot chocolate and hot soup (hot drinks), but not cold tea or iced coffee (not hot drinks).

Attend three hour propaganda sessions every Sunday

Pedophiles are OK!

Gays are evil, awful, and bad.