I'm curious what other people's experiences were. I'll answer the questions first.

How long did it take you to completely stop believing in the church after your first encounter with the ugly parts of church history?
About 1-2 years actually. This was long before the CES letter. I randomly came across the issues with the Book of Abraham and for a long time I accepted that the Book of Abraham wasn't true. I still hung onto the Book of Mormon because as I had been taught growing up, Joseph Smith was a dullard, how could he have written a book? Therefore the church is true. I really wanted to church to be true.

And what was the last thing that pushed you over the line?
I never felt like I'd gotten an answer to Moroni's promise, so I tried it again and again and again. More times than I can remember. Then one day a thought popped into my head: Maybe the reason I'm not getting an answer is because the church isn't true. After that, I couldn't go back to believing in the church even though I still wanted it to be true.

About 3-4 years.

I had "doubts" as a teen, the biggest one coming when a terrific guy (married in the temple, served a mission, two kids raised in the church) had his priesthood and ordinances stripped from him because he found a remote black ancestor. That really, really troubled me -- and it was in late 1977, less than a year before the "policy" changed. That's when I began to research the church's institutional racism, and what I found REALLY troubled me.

I put that and other doubts aside, and went through the temple and did a mission anyway. On my mission I learned more troubling things, all from "official" church sources. I began to see more and more that I didn't believe, that I'd been lied to, and that this was not something I wanted to be a part of.

Returned from my mission in late 1980. Had my own place, was starting college, was sort of active and sort of not. When the bishop of my ward called me to teach Sunday School classes to teen kids about three months after returning, I had my epiphany -- I couldn't teach bullshit I didn't believe to teenagers. So right there in his office I told him I didn't believe, wouldn't take the calling, and was leaving the church never to return.

I came to complete unbelief in the literalness of Mormonism before leaving. I struggled to find a way to square Mormonism as symbol, metaphor, meaningful myth, etc. That didn't work very well.

Then I struggles to stay on as a non-believer to keep family and social life intact. That didn't work out either.

Then I stopped going while wife and small children continued on. That also didn't work out well. Wife was treated abominably because I was inactive etc. That made her eyes open. Then she stopped going.

Then my wife questioned, studied and 'woke up'.

Then the ward and missionaries wouldn't stop visiting. So, we resigned.

Human

It took me five years from the time that I realized the Church was not good for me psychologically and I went inactive, to when I officially resigned at the time of Prop 8, because I did not want my name associated with that organization anymore.

But my complete flip-flop from, "Maybe it's not true," to, "Oh my gosh! It's really, actually not true," came in one evening, after I watched videos about the DNA issue and the Book of Abraham.

I was confronted with concrete, clearly laid out, physical evidence. It was evidence that I could not deny and from that moment, I knew it was not true. No matter how much I might have wanted it to be, it simply was not. Period.

It was because of your namesake Henry Jacobs.

I read the account of how he was conned by Smith and then Young and how he was sent on a mission to get him out of the way.

I checked it out and realised that the God portrayed in the bible would not have told them to do it as per David and Bathsheba.

After 30 years it took 30 minutes of study and I was out. Never looked back. Of course, my new found freedom to investigate opened the door to all the other lies.

It's true I had built up a shelf; but when the sudden "realization" hit it took just a few minutes.

Now I know many study their way out. They research past teachings/rites; they research present day theologies and DNA studies, etc... These are ones that were usually very scholarly or Gospel Doctrine experts/teachers and could apologize for many of the "problems" or could find justifications for some things that would trouble others.

I have to admit, on many topics, subjects and history I just used the "We'll find out in the hereafter" or using the "Turn it off" techniques... But, when the light came on!!!! Boy everything that I had put on my shelf suddenly I could go back to and see how meaningless and/or ugly many of the things are and were.

It's funny how quickly a shelf can come crashing down once you admit to yourself that you may have been deceived.

I went to church every Sunday, held many callings, graduated from seminary and institute, served a mission, was married in the temple, etc. The indoctrination ran deep. In my studies, I came across several issues, but I had built up a sturdy shelf over the course of many years that could support their weight.

But once I finally had the courage to admit that the church could be false, I had an 'aha' moment and my sturdy shelf broke immediately. It was as if the wool had instantly been lifted from my eyes and I suddenly saw the church for what it really was; a lying, controlling, manipulative, greedy corporation. And there was no going back.

Which parts? I noticed the BoM anachronisms in high school seminary. I asked questions about it and the seminary teacher freaked out on me, called my mom and held a special meeting "answering" my questions. I just learned that you can't ask those questions. That was around 15 years ago.
I ran into the problem with BoA about 8 years ago. I shrugged it off as anti hate lies.
Fast forward a couple of years and then I become curious why there is racist doctrine still in the scriptures. The summation of all the problems led to my shelf crashing, and completely disbelieving.

The short answer is: about five minutes maximum.
Once I read the real history of the shenanigans Joseph Smith Jr pulled, (no golden plates from any angel, carrying the imaginary plates and being chased by psychics), and realized the BOM was nothing but plagiarized stories about imaginary people, places and things, I was jumping off my computer chair and punching the air: YES YES YES.... I knew there was something wrong with that picture!
I chuckled, then I laughed and laughed at how this crazy story is seriously believed as if it was 100% factually true, never once "getting" that it is just more "God Myth" that has been at the core of metaphysical, supernatural claims for eons.

Five months.

The minute I read the words of Brigham Young regarding black people, I knew it wasn't true. I had a lot of doubts and issues with the cult as a child and teen already, and that cemented it. No truly loving god would advocate or excuse racism. Then I watched the DNA and BoM documentary and that was pretty validating I made the right choice to leave at 18.

I had been a convert to the Morg for one year when I transferred to BYU. Initially, everything was peachy. I had friends, everyone was trying to live standards, and I thought I had made life-long friends. During some of the mandated religion classes, I started hearing about some bizarre teachings of the church, but put it on my shelf as the church is true so don't worry about things. I did get a little bit uncomfortable in my Pearl of Great Price class, though.

After my junior year at the Y I felt a call to go on a mission. There was only one problem, my nevermo parents hate Mormonism. When I got the nerve to tell them I wanted to go, they went into a cold-calculated rage. Briefly, they would disown me and see to it that my student loans would default.

Although I was obvious to me that I couldn't go under these circumstances, Spencer Kimball had just given a talk where he stated that every worthy male needed to go on a mission.

My former friends were not as friendly and I began to fall into a deep depression. Well, nothing better to get feeling better than to start spanking the monkey in earnest. Of course, that made me feel even more depressed an unworthy to be a member of the church.

Eventually, one of the BYU stake presidents found out about my nasty little habit and made me check in with him once a week so that I could look into his eyes. He told me all he had to do was look at me and he'd know if I was pure or impure. How fucked up is that? Well, I did what any guy would do, I changed apartments to get out of the BYU stake I was living in.

Eventually, I graduated and started working in Salt Lake. I stopped attending church but still tried to live the WoW, law a chastity, etc. I co-worker who was a woman convert like myself (inactive but still believer) suggested we attend a singles' ward. We did and I make new friends and even got called to the bishopric. Of course, the bishop wanted me to go to the temple. One problem, I still jacked off every chance I got. So, I actually went a couple of months so I could get my recommend without lying.

The temple was bizarre. This was in the old days of slitting the throats, disemboweling oneself, etc. I was bothered by it but figured the church was still true. It was about this time when my wife came into the picture. We were married in the temple.

With a couple of months, Mark Hofmann's forgeries and his bombings were making news. I started wondering why so-called prophets, seers, and revelators couldn't see through all the fucking deception. I was taken aback when Dallin Oaks said that the church was a victim (even at that time I saw through his lawyer bullshit).

Shortly after, I went to the temple with my wife one last time. I sat next to a young man getting his endowments for the first time. He was scared shitless. I tried to reassure him everything was okay and even walked up to the veil with him. When he was in the celestial room all his family were hugging and congratulating him. That did it. My self collapsed and I saw the Morg for the fucking cult it was.

I told my wife I didn't believe in it anymore. She said the marriage was over. We've been married for over 32 years, but Mormonism has hurt me and my relationship with my wife irrevocably.

Sorry for the long answer, when my shelf collapsed in the temple, I stopped believing. It didn't take more than a couple of months to get released from classing and stop home teaching. I wore the fucking garments for a decade to please my wife. Finally, we separated due to the fact that I wouldn't wear them anymore.

When we got back together, I told her she would have to accept me as a non-member. We had young children and she really didn't want to do it alone.

I formally resigned last Spring. My wife told all the now adult kids who basically shrugged it off as, well Dad never was a believer.

Ironically, I have more Mormon friends since I became true to myself. I even invite them to share their testimonies. I listen because I once know I was in their shoes. I also know that my parents unintentionally pushed me deeper into the cult because they pushed so hard on me. The Boner.

Boner, most of my dorm mates at Ricks were focused on mission readiness...and then there were those of us who were NOT...and I imagine I wasn't the only one spankin' it. I wonder if any of the other guys confessed to their bishops? I was never asked...and I would have said it's none of their business, anyway....which might have gotten me kicked out...not a bad thing.

RB

One second I was a believer, the next not, after researching information on RFM.

My totally harmless and normal sexual activity as a teen made me guilty enough to not 'feel worthy' to hold a temple recommend and following that serve a mission. Went inactive as a result all the while convinced I was going to 'outer darkness' when I stumbled upon you awesome people and this forum.

The moment came when my BIC beliefs were shattered as I read what I never got to experience in the temple, the sheer retardedness of the 'temple ceremony' and by extension all is wacky rituals, blood atonement, anointing (basically sexual assault) and bakers hats along with secret handshaked and passwords made my world flip in a matter of 30 minutes. Following that I learnt everything about Jo's 'hobby' of collecting wives, the MMM, inherent racism and modern homophobia, read hard FACTS about the DNA of native americans and their obvious lack of hebrew blood.

I now live happily as a husband and young father of 2 beautiful girls who I will make sure never have anything to do with this batsh!t insane CULT.

The whole process took about 9 years for me, starting with major but secret doubts in my mid-teens. I completely stopped attended church at about age 19, after having taken a couple of LDS Institute classes that left me with even more doubts. The last straw came at about age 24 when a business client gave me a couple of books about church history: The Changing World of Mormonism by the Tanners, and By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus by Charles Larson. Those books confirmed for me that I had already made the right decision and that there would be no turning back.

Henry Jacobs Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> How long did it take you to completely stop
> believing in the church after your first encounter
> with the ugly parts of church history?

History didn't really have anything to do with me leaving the LDS church. I left because, firstly, being a good and faithful Mormon was making me unhappy. It was even affecting my mental health. Secondly, the doctrines either didn't make much sense to me, or were unappealing, or were unbelievable.

So I guess the overall question was, "Why am I doing this?" The answer was, "Only because I was raised as a Mormon."

Once I stopped trying to make myself believe Mormonism, I quickly realized I didn't believe anything supernatural.

The history stuff came later and my reaction was, "Of course."

Mine was a little interesting. There were aspects of the church that had always bothered me. I realized that the "leaders" of the church were ordinary uninspired men earlier, but it was when I ernestly prayed to God to know if the claims of the church were true that it all came crashing down in an instant. I spent two days praying and on the second night I couldn't sleep, so I Googled "Mink Creek Ghost" since it was October at the time and my grandfather was directly involved with that incident. The Google link was Mary-Anne Benson's Bio and why they left the church.

Google picked it up because Mary-Anne was from Mink Creek and she talked about the Holy Ghost. I started to read and it was like putting pressure on a car window, where it builds and then suddenly it bursts in a dramatic shower of glass. My testimony that night went from shaky to an explosion of pieces that left me in a state of utter shock.

I can think of better ways to have the news broken to myself, but at least it was a clean and fast break,

I discovered the LDS church's ugly racist past when I was 18. In truth, it took a split second for me to know the "church" could not be true after that discovery.

Still, I let them (the leadership I had access to) try and explain themselves. There was not only no good answer, but it turned out that BOM itself was/is racist. I realized that not only was the church untrue, but I had been purposefully misled.

I walked away. They (church leaders and family) threatened me with "losing my salvation". I said a salvation attained at the cost of other souls was worth nothing. At that moment, it was evident that whether the church was "true" or not was actually irrelevant. It was wrong either way. Funny, I have the same comment to give in response to those defending this "new policy".

It wasn't until years after I walked away that I realized that not only was the "church" not true, but it had always been a con and a scam from day one.

I quit believing years before I encountered most of the ugly parts of church history. The Book of Mormon promise did not work. Praying about the book did not prove to me that it was true. I also realized that the world had many religions and Mormonism was one of the least successful and widespread. I could not believe in God and that Mormonism was His church if the religion was failing to catch on.

Just over two years. The factual translation of the Book of Abraham was published during the summer of 1968. I tried to rationalize the whole thing to no available. I was fully inactive by late 1970 prior to my thirtieth birthday and have never looked back. I married a never-Mo in 1971 and am still married to her after forty-four great years.

The single smartest thing I ever did was to marry a non-mormon. In so doing, I clearly saved myself years of heartache which many of you post about here.

I'd had doubts and concerns for years but had never fully investigated all resources because of fear. I read Rough Stone Rolling, which didn't shake me but apparently planted some seeds in the back of my mind. A few months later a friend posted John Dehlin's YouTube video of why Mormons question the church and all of a sudden I knew I wasn't alone in my doubts. I jumped into full-scale, round-the-clock, anxiety-ridden, gut-wrenching research and about 3 months later I knew it was bogus without a doubt in my mind. That was 2.5 years ago. I and my husband and four children sent in our resignation letters a week ago following the handbook change.

It took a long time after I quit believing that all the policies and stupidshit cultural things came from God. However, when it comes to finding out the truth about church history, it took no time at all.

That's because the box that crashed my shelf was finding out about the different versions of the first vision. Especially since I'd been taught all my life that everything is based on that--on the way JS tells it in the PoGP. If it happened, the church is true, if not it's the biggest fraud foisted on mankind. Hinckley reiterated that very clearly. Well, it didn't happen. So it's a fraud. I was convinced. It was after that I started looking at more of the history and every single thing just confirmed my conclusions. There was and never has been anything in me since then that believes it was ever anything but a hoax.

I never really did. From my earliest recollections I just went along with it as a good son. Never paid attention in SS or PM, never read the scriptures...or wanted to and wasn't forced to either. So I grew up not caring if the CULT was true or not. Got to Ricks in '66 and got my first taste of MORMON 24/7 and realized what a mind fuck it is.

RB

Well I quit attending soon after Gordon B Hinckley turned down my application to pedal a bicycle in order to peddle his gawspull.

After decades of decadent living I never gave Moism a second thought until my big sister gave me a nudge to have my name removed as she had recently done.

I finally sent in my letter in 1991 and the rest is history.

It took less than three months. I saw the Masons on TV and my jaw dropped at what I saw.

All information from all sources I researched including FARMS/FAIR confirmed that so called anti-mormon information were truthful events and actions.

Science, logic and reason must be tossed asside to maintain belief.

Who would have thought that the leaders are the "wolves" and many of them are unaware they are wolves.

I never did believe totally. I went along to get along in a small Mormon only town. A few weeks after I graduated HS, I moved to SLC, sent in a letter, went to an interview, Never regretted it.

I, too, had a bit of a hang-up about the Book of Mormon being false until I learned about all the plagiarized parts from "View of the Hebrews" and other religious and fictional works. It became clearly obvious that Joe was using the religious writings of others to form his church. Yep, he made it easy on himself by using the thoughts of others and filling in gaps with his fabrications. He was an expert at telling people what they wanted to hear. He also borrowed heavily from the Masons for temple ceremony. Ding, ding, ding and the light went on in my head. I don't know how long it took all together but about two years or so of slowly waking up from the fog. The final nail in the coffin for me was the modern day prophet lying his pants off. I lost what little respect I had left for the church leaders that day and wrote my resignation letter shortly after that.

I didn't know the history. Life experience led me out. I knew a few things that I had read in the book "Saints" by Orson Scott Card (I believe) and some of the "Work and the Glory Books." History that made me feel uncomfortable like speaking in tongues and polygamy, but I didn't know all the history until a few years after I was out and I came to this board.

My gay marriage and how the leaders dealt with us was the biggest factor. I think I stayed in as long as I did because what was the point of our marriage if the church wasn't true? Once that failed, I was on my way out, but it took not attending church for several years before I admitted it to myself.

it was instant. I'm one of those that had doubts since childhood. Reading how the POG was all made up broke any lingering delusion. Now if you mean how long did it take to reprogram my mormon brainwashing, that took a bit longer.

I believed for most of my young life and early adulthood. Just a space as a teenager where I was agnostic and quite independent from any religion.

By my early 30's I left because of the abject impoverishment of spiritual apathy at my church place of worship from the top leadership down.

I couldn't accept the Mormon God as vindictive or cruel as the Mormon leaders played him to be. They speak of love aka charity, but their hearts are far removed from their lip service. I recognize there's hypocrisy in all religion, but since Mormons claim to be the only true church, how could it also be the most hateful one? It oppresses the same people that Christ came to help.

It wasn't until the late 1990's I began to really research the history in earnest. That's when my shelf really started to break. And then I signed up for Sandra and Jerrald Tanner's Utah Lighthouse Ministry newsletter, and would get their periodic updates which was a great help after reading the first of several classic books on Mormonism like Faun Brodies "No Man Knows My History."

By then I'd become a non-believer, but went back after my parents death out of a combination of nostalgia for a more innocent age of my youth and childhood, and for my children who were still growing at that time - I was trying to teach them good values that I hoped the church would help me instill. Now that was a very bad judgment call on my part in hindsight. But it is what it is.

By then my shelf was not only broken, it became collapsed.

I resigned. And haven't regretted it only that I didn't do it sooner than I did.

Neither of my children are practicing LDS. And neither is my birth child who I surrendered for adoption in 1975. He's out too. So for that I'm thankful that each one of them are free of the LDS cult and its associated lies and false teachings.

I went from a full-blown TBM to an 'apostate' within a matter of weeks. I got laid off from work while 7 months pregnant and had a lot of time at home by myself to study, ponder, and pray about my future forever family.

The same hormones that drove me to obsess about building the perfect family with daily scripture reading, prayers morning and night, etc were the same ones that likely flipped my switch. The day I gave birth was the day that I finally knew it wasn't true and decided that I would never bless nor baptize my baby in TSCC.

I told my husband 3 months later on the same day that one of my closest friends told me that she no longer believed. I guess I just needed someone to lean on to give me courage in case he didn't take it well. To my surprise, husband was excited we weren't going to church anymore.

So there you go, 3 millennials who were each born and raised in TSCC their whole lives, attended BYU, took out endowments, and served missions who left just like that; And took the baby with them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2015 04:10PM by oldspeak.

Being female, I never believed in polygamy. I didn't believe that a polygamist could be a prophet of God. But, I held onto the other beliefs that my parents beat into me, and I tried very hard to believe, and then to pretend I believed. I got baptized because my two best friends did, together. I liked the youth ski trips, beach parties, camp, the plays and road shoes, etc.

I decided to resign from MOrmonism, forever, the instant my children told me about the physical and mental abuse they had suffered, at the hands of Mormon priesthood leaders. In the same conversation, my daughter told me that the creepy bishop's son had tried to molest her. I had not known about this! The Mormon men had threatened my children not to tell anyone.

Overlapping with my astonishment and outrage at what my children were telling me, was a huge flash of realization, that hit me in a few seconds: "This is not God's church" and "We never have to go there again." My children were happy to resign with me. They never believed any of it, in the first place.

The twinges I have now, are mostly superstition. TSCC is based on lies and threats. My mother would warn me, that I would fail in life, that no one would ever want to marry me, that I'll end up being exactly like my horrible brother. Now, it hurts me the most, whenever I have success. I think, "I don't deserve this. Something bad is going to happen now, because I'm supposed to fail." My Mormon parents used to actually tell me, "Don't be TOO happy."

It's only superstition, like I broke 100 mirrors and walked under 100 ladders.

My heart has always believed in love and kindness--and the Mormon cult is the antithesis of that.