Another thread, which mentioned Mormon women working full or part time (I thought most did now), reminded me of an incident about 15-20 years ago. I was home during the day and my wife was at work when the phone rang; it was a RS "sister".

RS: Hello, is Sister GC there?

Me: No, I'm sorry, she's working.

RS: Oh, well do you know if she'll be at the XX (RS) function tomorrow?

Me: I doubt it -- she'll be at work, I'm sure.

RS: Oh, (quite perplexed) .... do you know if she'll be at XX (RS) function Friday morning?

Me: I doubt it she works every day -- she's a full-time XX, so she works every day during the week.

RS: Oh, (pause) .... do you think she'd be able to make a casserole (or some other food item) for that function?

Me: I doubt it and I'm not going to make commitments for her, she's very busy.

RS: Ok ...... good-bye (confused, frustrated).

I wasn't even about to suggest she try call my wife in the evening, as I didn't want her getting roped into extra duties, but it was quite enlightening how the RS sister couldn't seem to get the point that my wife worked -- not to mention the idea of having me commit on her behalf to do things (food prep).

I thought things might be a bit different by 2015, but maybe not??

Since no one ever wrote "wife works" into the LDS script, the good sister didn't know what to.

Her reaction was much like the Pleasantville firemen who didn't know what a fire was and couldn't respond until Tobey yelled "cat" - something they understood.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2015 09:49AM by Templar.

I worked this same job. I worked at home. It is amazing how many people think because you work at home, you don't work.

I was supposed to go to "in service" once a month. I usually didn't make it. I remember one of the R.S. counselors telling me she was going to come to pick me up for the meeting. I reminded her that I WORK. If my work wasn't done by 7 p.m. (while raising twins) that I had to finish my work, that I couldn't go to a (boring) meeting.

Yes, working at home is just that -- working -- but people think because you're at home, you can still do other things. Not if you want to keep your at-home job!

Shift work can work wonders for someone who wants to still be technically active, but not have to practice much. I had a job once where I worked lots of Sundays: "Sorry, I have to work". Nursing would be a good one, I'll bet.

Better just not to be Mormon, but if one needs to be "active" for family reasons, the shift job often let's you show up periodically (enough) to get the active status. And tough to have many of the callings if you're not there most Sundays.

Correction: last paragraph above, "let's" should be "lets".

This reminds me of story. I had gone to Utah with a dear friend who was giving a deposition in a legal case. While I was gone, the visiting teachers knocked on our door and TBM DH was home. He answered the door and the VTs acted totally surprised and irritated that I wasn't home. What the hell. Even DH was irritated at THEM for their snotty, condescending manner.

Go the f*ck away, people!!!

-Dennis

The Mormon ideal is still to be a stay at home mom.

All through my working career I got guff from my TBM mom telling me to quit my job and stay home. She told me that year in and year out including after my kids had matured to near adulthood. My mother often worked to make ends meet and thought that was laudable, but did not think I should do it. How hypocritical is that?

Mormon members do not always follow commandments but that doesn't mean they don't honor and revere them. Working females isn't a commandment, but even in 2015 it's considered a right and an ideal for Mormon women.

It seems as though LDS, Inc. is (near) driving out as many people as they're bringing in; So, they have to blame someone.

that's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

Yes, the "ideal" situation in TSCC is to be a SAHM, but the reality of life is: unless your spouse is a professional and making enough $$$ to support a family, you're SOL. So pull up those boot straps ladies, and get to work damn it! ;)

BTW, I've almost always worked the last 37 years of marriage. We were in wards (that were FULL of well to do folks that didn't get that us common people-both spouses-had to fricking work to have a lower middle class life).

All the Relief Society crap was always scheduled during the day, and yes, when asked if you are attending or can you bring a dish, yada, yada... Same as the OP. I'm at work! No time for RS bullshit.

Aye dios mio

-Dennis

In the late 70's we moved to the Bay Area as DH did a post-doc fellowship after graduate school. 3 months after arriving, he was called as the bishop! He was 29. I had two toddlers and a 4 month old baby at home. His income was barely enough to cover our bills and we had only 1 car which he took every day. He was gone day and night either at work or church. I felt completely and utterly abandoned at age 27. To make matters worse, I was supposed to be the "mother of the ward" and put up on some sort of pedestal.

Our SP interviewed me for my TR renewal. I burst into tears when he asked me how it felt to be the bishop's wife. It took him back. He was a medical doctor and he told me to be at his office the next day and told DH to be there with me.

After the exam and questions, he told me and DH that I was clinically depressed. His prescription: Me get a job, even if part time and get a second car for me. I was elated! I got a job at a bank. My depression lifted. I also stopped going to weekly RS meetings still held during the weekdays.

One day I got a phone call from a ward member warning me about another woman who had really dissed me in RS meeting that day. Her comment was along the lines of "So, the bishop got himself into debt and made his wife go to work". I guess I fell off that pedestal. I worked outside the home nearly all the years after that and thank goodness I did.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2015 12:09PM by gemini.

I fear the LDS emphasis doesn't prevent women from working; let's face it, that's an imperative in many families these days. It just makes sure they feel miserable about it.

Women should feel proud of the many ways they support their families, whether at home or in the workplace. Just as men should.

"fear" ???

My wife who is a professional works full time and has for years. Though they knew she worked they constantly bagered her to be in the primary presidency and wanted her to attend meetings during the week. She said no several times and told them - "no, I can't leave work at 2 in the afternoon on weekdays to come to a primary meeting or scouts. And besides I love my own kids - but other peoples kids - not so much" Though she was blunt about it, the badgering continued unitl one of the ladies got a new calling. This lady "just knew God wanted my wife to be in primary", so the bishop just kept asking.

Gotta say though - this kind of stuff helped my wife join me as inactive!!! Yahoo, and thanks primary lady

TSCC is stuck in the 1950's when most women didn't work outside the home, and their only job was raising the children. Even in high cost of living areas where women have to work to help provide the basics, Mormon women in that situation are judged.

How I can relate to this thread!!!

When I was in medical school I frequently
had men from the pulpit saying what an offence it was for a woman to work. Ihad a very valuable scholarship that necessitated keeping good grades and my studies became my legit "out" of may church related burdens. The fact that there was no Mormon doctor in my state helped me as I was supposed to eventually care for everyone gratis. As if !!!

I have always worked. Thankfully my NeverMo husband has been a great support. He is now retired. I can't imagine stopping. I love my work and it has kept me sane.