To be honest this may turn into an emotional rant. I am very hurt right now.

So I did try and speak with my parents about yesterday's subject and that only made matters worse. Instead they are having me get rid of everything. But that isn't the real reason for why I am posting this.

So I had gotten home from school and I was at home watching cartoons with my siblings when my Mother burst into the door and in a very livid manner, told to me to go upstairs to her room and sit on her bed and wait for her to come and talk to me.

When She came into the room, followed shortly by my Father, I received the tongue lashing of a life time. Apparently word had got out that I had been trying to teach one of my acquaintances at school the truth about mormonism.

They then began yelling at me about how I was forcing my opinions on people, and about how I had violated their home. My father told me that I had dishonored his name, and that I was a blemish on the family name. My mother told me that she no longer wanted to think of me as Her son. I was then told if I got caught saying ill against the church again, I would be kicked out of the house and disowned.

My heart has been shattered. I have never felt so alone. I don't know what to do. As far as I know, I don't even know if I am going to have a roof over my head for much longer, and I sure don't have a family anymore. I feel completely broken. What do I do?

I'm sorry hon that you are going through this. I understand what it is like to lose family, since mine didn't speak to me for over 5 years when I left. But, at least I was an adult and on my own at the time.

What should you do? Put your head down and remain silent until you are no longer beholden to them for your financial security. I know, you want to shout your truth from the rooftops, but reality says you will have to wait to do that.

Hopefully this will blow over.

My heart is breaking with you. I agree with Heidi, you must do your best to keep it in until you can be independant. You can rant here all you want, but don't try to convince the people around you at this point.

I am mostly silent right now, for the sake of my marriage and family. I don't know how long I can keep it up myself.

Over the years, when I was "TBM" 2 of my children left the church. We were heartbroken, but we loved them the same as always, and treated them with respect. One of them was still in high school, and we would never have considered doing what your parents have said and done. I think they may be completely over reacting because they just don't know what else to do. That is no excuse for treating you that way.

Please try to hold on, and toe the line for now! My mother instincts tell me to cry with you.

Exmo Aspie:

"Ohh the big disownment threat" You lucky little devil. Congratulations!!!

No I'm not crazy, I just know what this means.

"We are scared, we are failures, & everyone will look down on us if you leave" They have made themselves clear

Your parents are desperate to try to control you. They are trying everything that they can think of to get you to conform to their way of thinking. It is not however because they care deeply for you or love you unconditionally. They are thinking of themselves not of you.

"I had dishonored his name, and that I was a blemish on the family name". This is not a statement of love but of pride and embarrassment.

Disowning is about hiding, pushing and shoving embarrassment under the rug, it is not about love.

There is many ways to respond to this but I would do something along this line.

"I'm sorry that you feel this way. You know that I don't believe in the mormon religion. It doesn't mean that I don't love and care for you. Disowning me means that you love the LDS church and the opinions of others more than you love me. I hope that this isn't true."

BTW Look at the amount of support and response you get from people on this site. Your not alone. We've been there. We understand.

Legally they can't kick you out until your 18 and in some states out of highschool. I was working two jobs, supporting myself and going to college at 17. It's tough but it can be done. I was still a TBM but distant from my idiotic parents. I paid for (100%) of my own mission where I learned the truth of the LDS church.

thelv has nailed it. Your parents only know one thing. Obedience to Mormonism. You, on the other hand have gone on an exploration and they have no idea how to handle someone who is using their own reason.

The things they said are out of panic.

I really feel for you. Why should using your own critical thinking put you in a bad place with your parents?

I would say it's best to fly under the radar for a while. Just accept the fact that it is their home their rules. You won't be the first or last one of us who had to do that to get by.

Channel your frustration into planning your future.

Good luck. We're pulling for you.

As a matter of fact, I think I kind of hates 'em. They are idiot @$$Ħ@†$. Those woefully stupid people just took all the words TSCC says about how important families are and smushed them into the ground.

I know it hurts but try to see it as the brainwashing that it is. NOTHING is more important than their church, which was created by and is now sustained by crooks, creeps, charlatans, bigots, and evil people.

If you were my kid, I'd be very proud of you. Not only are you sensitive, intelligent, and discerning, but you're a helluva good writer, too.

Oh boy...i feel for ya...i might go thru that crap again for enough money...but it would have to be a lot...at least your old man isnt laying a physical licking on ya...that can exacerbate things in a hurry...at least it doesnt sound like your mothers getting a few light slams when ol dad had a rough day at the salt mine...there are levels of nuts...not diminishing yours at all...go along to get along...bide your time...i know at 17 it feels like time crawls...youll get your chance to breathe the heady scent of freedom soon enough...freedom is expensive...but its so worth it...and worth waiting for...just lay low in the weeds till the dust settles...you can do this

I am sorry about your predicament. If you lived close I would be more than happy to put you up in our place till you were able to get on your feet. After all that is what your parents are supposed to be teaching you. Instead of sponging off of you and your savings.

You just need to see the blackmail for what it is. I remember when I told my father that I didn't believe in the myth anymore he compared me to Judas. He asked me to go to the temple and pray after reading the last supper. lol He guaranteed me an answer if I did that.
I found out that it is unacceptable to come to a different conclusion than they have. When they find out that you can think for yourself they revert to the conditioned responses and try and manipulate your behavior. Good luck to you.
I definitely don't think that they should be throwing things that you bought yourself away.

One thing to keep in mind: they've been *TOLD* by the church that this is the way to handle "wayward" youth.
Because they (mistakenly) think it will drive you back into the church.
So no matter how misguided, mean, and spiteful it seems, it's quite likely that underneath the anger they're showing, they THINK they're doing this "out of love."

Your job is to convince them that it won't work, that you value your family more than anything (including the church), and that you hope they do as well. Get them to see that this tactic will not bring you back, it will only alienate you from the family, which will hurt you AND them.

It's not an easy job. They may be so indoctrinated, and are perhaps being led to do this by some asshat bishop, that they may not come around. Still, that's the task ahead of you -- to convince them that you're sincere, being honest with yourself and others, and don't intend to harm the family, only to be true to yourself. And that it would be a really good idea if they decided not to harm the family (and you) for the church's sake, too.

Good luck. It won't be easy.

This brings up a lot of painful memories for me, exmo aspie. I sure don't wish it on anyone else. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you're able to stay strong and be yourself throughout this.

It's nothing less than a program of control, which is how Mormonism functions. It makes me sad. May you endure and thrive,

Don

It would be best if the counselor is non LDS, but that might not be possible. Let them know what your parents told you about kicking you out. Ask them if they can help you plan for the future with little support from your parents.

Around home I would tow the line and do as you are told for now. If you have Asberger's you may not be picking up on things that are being communicated to you and it is also likely that your parents have social interaction problems themselves. Back off and don't feed the cycle. If M rated video games are bothering them it is a small sacrifice to do something else. Learn to play an instrument, learn a new sport, make new friends, work on your writing skills, but stop obsessing about he Church. If you are on the spectrum coming here and obsessing about it, may be very counter productive. Talk to a school counselor or teacher you can trust.

I am so sorry. What they did to you is child abuse. I can't fathom my parents saying that no matter how much one of us had screwed up.

Hold on, finish school, then apply to college far far away and leave. There is money out there for people just like you. School counselors and the internet can help you find it.

I'm so sorry. I kind of think that the only thing you can do is tell them that you'll keep your head down until you are out of their house, but that they've made it clear that they will only love you if you are Mormon. And that really hurts. Maybe over time, after things have cooled down a bit, you can discuss things a little at time (maybe issues of free agency, and even emotional abuse . . .because threatening to throw you out for having different beliefs IS emotional abuse).

Also, just be a good kid. No drugs, alcohol, do your best in school, and keep it pg-13 as far as sex goes.

How many more years of High School do you have?

I am a senior in high school

I am so pissed off at your parents right now.

What they said to you is pure child abuse....

You sound like a very wonderful person who needs to be

treated with love,affection and respect.


Evidently your parents are controlled by their fear of many

things, namely what other people think of them . It's too bad

they are this way because they have done damage to you that

can not be completely repaired and they are so into how they

appear to others that they totally disregard what you think

of them. Children need to be treated as precious, loved

people, not verbal punching bags.


You have to do what they say even though its not right until

you can leave their home.

My heart is with you .... please take care of yourself since

it sounds like your parents are incapable of that.

Please check in with us and tell us how you are doing.

I too feel the anger towards your parents. My TBM family disowned me and I didn't speak to my dad for a decade and then he died. They buried him in his silly temple robes. I was SO ANGRY at the morg for driving a wedge between us.

Nothing says "you are in a cult" more than a good shunning.

Good luck.

Please go talk to a counselor at school. They will help you find a way to go to college. College is freedom for your future. It can get you out of the house very soon. It can give you a way to have a career that you like and a way to support yourself so you'll never have to depend on your parents again.

This is a difficult position to be in. To be sure. I don't think you should shut up and let them support you until you're on your feet. Unfortunately, cooperating with injustice because it serves your own self-interest is a form of selling-out that's called corruption. It's not a good idea to get into that habit so early in your life. What you discuss with people at school is your own business. Your parents don't believe it.

Their kind of abuse, though, thrives in secrecy. Speak up. Tell your school counselor that you don't believe in your parents' religion and they may throw you out of the house because of it. So, you may be coming to school as a homeless kid. The entire county's got resources for that, and they'll charge your parents if you end up using any those resources.

Call whatever division of child and family services operates in your state and tell them you're a high school student who's about to be disowned and made homeless because you don't practice your parents religion. They will do an investigation and help you. Even in Utah.

You don't have to take these threats lying down. This is child abuse and everyone outside of your parents loco, self-reinforcing bubble knows this. You've got to get out of the bubble, not stay in it, being abused.

I'm proud of you for trying. Your parents seem to be too indoctrinated and desperate to have an inkling.

Sounds like you're the most reasonable and mature member of the household.

All I can suggest is to keep up the good work and lay low until you can leave.

I hope they'll at least make an effort to pay back the money they owe to you.

Good luck. We're here for you.

Take care.

They want to pay the money back really badly. I donated it really to help my family. I honestly don't want it back until my family is financially secure.

Your parents are very lucky to have you.

we have had all 14 of my kids, and all of their friends living at our house. We live in a small house. So in the summer everybody sleeps outside. In the winter everybody throws out their sleeping bags. We've had kids sleeping all over in our front room & our kitchen . Yes, all of the bedrooms are full, also. Every single kid , in our ward , would always run away & want to move into our house. ( Lots of pissed off parents ).
But I'd rather know where my kids are , & know that their kids are safe & that my kids are safe, also.
Which state do you live in ??



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2015 03:20PM by momto15kids.

Utah

Not Southern Utah!

Don't matter really.

So the rubber has hit the road. Now you see the church for the fruit it creates.

Your parents are still in the dream and they do not like being disturbed. Mostly blame the church.

But for now you are about to see how much courage, determination and stamina you have inside you. Take the advice others have given. Become the "good" kid. That is the way out.

You are so close and so lucky! Imagine the words mom and dad just said to you only it was said by your wife of 30 years and by her parents at the same time. In my situation the problem was far more integrated outward into family, work and the community. I still stood my ground but I also had one thing you do not. The ability to be independent.

Bide your time wisely until you are completely out of your parents purview financially. Say whatever you need to forward your life plan. Mom and dad just showed you the depth of their selfishness that was taught to them by the church.

It is OK to protect yourself by saying words that you know they want to hear. Put in a few hours a week for free room and board. Wash the dishes without being asked. Only let the BOM garner your bedside. Hell, sit on the couch for 15 mins a day with the BOM open. Who would be willing to do so little to gain so much?

You lack the life experience to see just how fortunate your life is because you see the church perfectly clear at such a young age.

I had four decades in and it tore my family apart when I left.

You are a high school senior. Take my little finger. Let's trade lives.

Take it easy on your parents. They were trained up and don’t truly understand what they’re doing.

Wow, if anyone ever asks me why I quit being a Mormon, I think I'll just show them your post. I am so sad that your parents somehow think that they are being righteous or Christ-like by abusing you like they have.

I can't think of something more harmful for a teenager than to be told that his mother doesn't think of him as her son any longer.

Finish out your school year as well as possible. Find someone at school that can help you with learning about financial aid for college.

I really feel for you and wish you well.

(Goodness gracious, their "church" has 80,000 missionaries going around "forcing their opinions on people" all day long.)

That is a totally mind control cult response.

A locked mind is a safe mind.

"They then began yelling at me about how I was forcing my opinions on people… if I got caught saying ill against the church again, I would be kicked out of the house and disowned."

Your parents are hypocrites. They're the ones forcing their opinions and beliefs on you, on pain of exile.

Not only that, but according to traditional, orthodox Mormon doctrine, they're actually Satanic. They're following Satan's playbook. Remember the lessons on the plan of salvation? Satan's competing plan was to force everyone to be righteous. That's precisely what your folks are doing. By walking in Satan's footsteps, your parents are by definition exercising unrighteous dominion. Whether you remind them of any of this is up to you.

Due to the power imbalance, they are likely to win this particular battle, but they're guaranteed to lose the war. You're a better person than I am, since you appear to be willing to forgive and forget. I myself would not be that generous. Disowning can slice both ways.

IIRC, you live in Vernal. There's no future in Vernal. Doing anything with your life – school, job, whatever – will of necessity get you out of there. Once you're free, you'll be able to make a life of your own choosing, out from under the thumb of your crappy parents. And then, if you ever decide to see them again, it will be on your terms, as an equal, whether they like it or not.

Exmo aspie, I know there was some discussion that you may be misdiagnosed, however in my state the Department of Rehabilitation would be your best friend. With your diagnosis you would be eligible for tuition, housing, transportation, tutoring, employment assistance etc. Please check into your states program and enable all resources possible especially with your current home situation. Help is there and the future is bright.

Another way your diagnosis might benefit you even if you think it's a misdiagnosis is that in college, the Disabled Students association is worth it because they provide assistance, and the best thing they offer is priority registration because it's a way to make sure you get into the classes you need to graduate sooner. For most freshmen and sophomores, by the time you're allowed to register for classes, the ones you need are often full.

Yes! What adoylelb said. Your high school counselor should be a great help for you with pointing out all the programs and help available, sadly that is not always the case. You may also be able to request a change in counselor if they are not meeting your needs. Keep peace at home but advocate for your future, you are smart and articulate, now take on the world!

I'm so sorry, Exmo Aspie. Please know that everyone on this board is rooting for you.

Until you graduate from high school, lie low and meet your parents' expectations. Don't rock the boat. If your parents ask you any questions about your beliefs, just say, "The church says that blah, blah, blah." The reason I say that is because they are totally uninterested in what you believe, so just parrot what the Mormon church says.

Put the number for your local Child Protective Services in your cell phone. If they kick you out before age 18, call CPS.

When your parents have cooled down a bit, perhaps in a few weeks, start talking to them about your future. Tell them that you need to know what help you can expect (or not expect) in terms of getting you off to college. If they can't help you, then talk to them about a payment plan for the $5,000 so that you can begin community college at a minimum. Another option for you is AmeriCorps, which is a community service program for youth. They will provide you with housing, food, and a small nest egg. It's a great idea for teens who need a fresh start.

I'm also seeing accounts online about young people who have enlisted in the U.S. military with Aspberger's. It appears that a medical waver is necessary. So I wouldn't rule it out. Talk to *all* of the service branches and see what they have to say. For instance, the Navy rejected my brother, but the Army snapped him up.

https://autismforparents.wordpress.com/2006/05/08/autism-and-military-service/

Also, definitely check in with your high school guidance counselor. Counselors are there to help you. It is a free service -- take advantage of it!

Keep posting as you are able and know that we care about you. BTW, clear your browser history after every browsing session.

Hugs to you, brave one. This too shall pass. We're here for you. You'll be all grown up before you know it. Time goes quicker than you think. ❤️

This post really breaks my heart.
You are a good kid - most parents would be beyond proud of your values, work ethic, sense of self and desire to be 'good'.

You are almost there...you're nearly an adult, you can make all the rules very soon.

You've been given a lot of really good advice in this thread, and I'm adding my support to all that above.

You have a great life ahead of you. I believe in you. Please keep posting and keep working towards your bright, bright future.

Have you ever noticed that some TBM parents act just like Lucifer in the LDS preexistence war in heaven story?