have sex with someone of the same gender! boom! done
if you can't stomach that.. then just have sex.. but make a sex tape and have a friend back home "leak it".. make sure you're wearing your garments and "elder" name badge too
that'd be hot
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2015 04:45PM by sunbeamforjesus.
Make sure there's penetration, I confessed to getting off multiple times with my companion and my mission president didn't send either of us home. I was sent to a town with no transportation service (had to hitchhike in and out) and the other guy was stuck in a district next to the mission home. So yeah, penetration.
The only real, sure fire way, to get home from a mission is simply to leave, to come home. That's extremely difficult, but it has been done on several occasions. There are stories in the archives about people doing so, there's even one of a family going and picking up their son because they realized the truth of the church and couldn't stand the though of their son wasting more time.
If you're trying to get him home through subterfuge (illness, sinning, etc) that can have mixed results. It could be embarrassing, he could be publicly shamed. They may not send him home at all. I was in Korea and knew missionaries that had extensive, repeated surgeries, while in the field to avoid coming home early.
Getting home isn't easy. If your goal is to just get him home, and deal with the fall out, he may have no choice but to contact his mission president and family and state, "I can't do this anymore, send me home." repeatedly and forcefully until they listen to him.
The current crop were sent off the second they graduated from high school at 18. Most have not lived away from home or dealt with adult issues because they have been in the TBM Church Cacoon.
Even with non-mo kids few now are functioning adults at 18 or 19 years old.
Just say you want to leave although you feel like you are treated as a prisoner or a slave you are still an sound and legit adult. Pack your bag and leave. It's not that hard. You are a volunteer, nothing more and nothing less. If you are up for drama and want some fun have sex with a random member (but make sure it's a single person, don't destroy a family and use a rubber!)
I believe the missionary in question is someplace like South Africa...
The Mission President probably holds his passport.
To buy a plane ticket he's going to need ~ $1500, Missionaries are not set up to have that much money available even if they have the funds back home in a bank.
Getting yourself home early is not easy. I did it and it was one of the most unpleasant things I ever went through. But worth it in the end. And look at me I turned into an old apostate.
Just bare testimonies in meetings that church is a farce and a cult. Don't stop. They'll get him a plane ticket home. Refuse to go tracting. Sleep in. Refuse to pray and if forced, pray that everyone will learn the truth of TSCC
Second way. Send him multiple anti mormon literature care packages. Make sure he reads it in front of people/leaves a copy in the church. Suggestions are no man knows my history. Rough stone rolling. In sacred loneliness. Or the CES letter found online. Search CES letter on this site.
Third way. Illness
Flat feet. It hurts to walk. Can't walk. He constantly limps or has to rest.
Back pain.
Fourth way
Just refuse to work. Wander off. Sleep in.
Warning. His email and letters are probably illegally censored. Use a private email and send letters direct to him not the mission home. Leading to.....
Fifth way. Tactical deception.
Send long detailed letters about your marriage to him. His child. And fond remembrances of romantic encounters. Include pics of the kid.
Takes a bit of work to put the profiles together. Use the censored email and make sure he plays along. Might even he fun.
Announce to your investigators that the founder of the Cult (and call it a CULT) was a sexist, racist, rapist, pedophile and that once the CULT got started (with such a promising beginning), it went from awful to even worse.....
Just remember that any extreme acts, like releasing a video on the internet, can damage someone's reputation for important things like college admissions, finding jobs, etc. I like the idea of just saying that I don't believe this and I want to go home. In no way will it be easy.
Start telling everyone about the voices in your head telling you to do things. Or do what I would do, never speak again. Not once to anyone until they send you home. Perhaps look off into space when people talk to you. Maybe even drool a little.
Just be honest. That is the one trait that the Mormon Church cannot adhere to. They are morally bankrupt when it comes to telling the truth.
Tell the MP you are an adult volunteer. You have changed your mind and no longer will give up your time freely as a missionary for the Mormon Church. Tell the MP to return your passport (if applicable). Order the MP to schedule your flight home immediately. Be firm and steadfast. Don't give the MP any ground to exert his superiority over you and treat you like a child. Tell him your an adult as is he and your decision is final. Leave emotion out of it. Be firm.
The cheapest airfares need to be scheduled two weeks in advance. Tell the MP that you'll leave then to allow the office staff to get the same cheap air fare they would have spent on you at the end of your mission.
Look the MP straight in the eyes. Tell him to politely refrain from Mormon mind games or guilt trips to try to get at the root of your decision. Your reasons are your own and are none of his business. That by the way, will drive some MPs crazy. Some may insist on a reason. So if he persists calmly declare, "I'm finished. Get me my flight home now."
If he's an ass, go to the phone and call the police that you are being held against your will.
Don't play games with the MP by making up a story. Simply inform him boldly that this is your decision and you will not change your mind. You'll see later on in life how well this moment serves to shape you in making your own decisions.
I can't guarantee that this wouldn't get him X'd, but in his next zone conference, he should tell everyone that he is dyin' to fuck'em all in the butt. I remember on my mission one of the elders called the M.P. & said he was at the airport & gunna fly home. The M.P. drove like a mad man to the airport , but the elder had just left. I really had to admire the elder's back bone.
LDS Inc will bill you for the ticket home unless it is for health reasons. If you're in a foreign country and ask a US consulate for a ticket home, they bill you for it too. Unless you only have a few weeks to go, it is still cheaper than staying.
It may get you kicked out of BYU, but if you were only 18 and hadn't started, not much of a loss.
1) The missionary takes control of his life now that he is an adult and does it the adult way.
2) Not being mature enough yet to do it the adult way he fakes something. This is understandable because being raised in the church retard maturity. If this is to be it, I would have him sit on a chair facing a wall and just shake his head and refuse to talk to anyone at all. After three days, put on fishnet pantyhose and repeat. (Kidding)
3) If the missionary is really this miserable he will probably make himself so miserable that he will act irrationally. This could get him sent home as well, especially if he hurts himself, but hopefully it doesn't come to this because I think we all wish him well, and don't want that for anyone at all.
You care. You want so badly to help. As someone enters adult hood they need to dig down deep and find their real inner strength and leave the cocoon on the floor behind them. This is what needs to be considered. If he's not ready then maybe he should just endure. It's what Mormons are best at.
For many, a mission is annoying/boring/ridiculous/waste of time, but not dangerous. It's not going to kill you. The chains are imaginary. The fear of family rejection is real. He has a tough choice. Encourage him to think about how he will feel about what he does next when he looks at this 10 years from now. Sometimes that gives clarity. What will make you proud of yourself when the dust has settled? What action can you live with?