I am the youngest of eight. One of my older brothers left the Church four years ago, and I resigned a couple of years ago. Everyone else in the family is very much still TBM.

I’m getting married later this month. My fiancé is also an exmo; we both left the Church before we met each other. All of her family is still active in the Church.

Among our family members, we’ve had varying degrees of acceptance. I’ve actually become closest to my exmo brother over the past couple of years. He’s my oldest brother and had left the home when I was very young, so we weren’t as close before, but now that we’re the only two black sheep of the family, we’ve become quite close.

We live in Utah, though we’re moving to New York City early next year, mostly to get away from the Utah culture. We decided to send the following email invitation to our family members for our wedding.

---

Dear Family,

As you know, we’ve set the date of December 19 for our wedding. [Fiancé] and I are excited, and the wedding plans are coming together. The wedding will take place at [venue] at 1 pm. The ceremony will be open to all those without current temple recommends. For the rest of you, we’ve set up a waiting room just off of the lobby in the [venue] where you can wait during the ceremony. Of course, everyone is invited to the reception after the ceremony.

We look forward to seeing everyone!

Love,

engagedExmo

---

OK, we didn’t actually send that email. We briefly considered sending something like it as a joke, but decided things are already a bit tense, and we didn’t want to make it worse. Our parents are both quite disappointed that we’re not getting married in the temple, though they’re trying their best to show support and acceptance. I imagine the wedding will be awkward. Alcohol will be served, and my fiancé’s dress is not up to temple standards. It’s unfortunate that on one of the most special days of our lives, we’ll have to deal with the awkwardness and disappointment, but such is the life of an exmo in a family full of TBMs.

I think it's a good idea myself.

I see nothing at all wrong with this.
It's YOUR day. Not everyone elses !
When My DH & I got married , we eloped to the temple.

My side of the family is HUGE. I have 8 sisters & 3 brothers.
My Mom knew I just wanted to elope to the temple & I'd been engaged 3 X's before & I had broken off the engagements for different reasons. My Mom always said 'just call me he pay phone after you get married. ( My Mom was old~old w/ bad health)
A few days before my DH &I got married , I did call & ask her if she'd be offended if we eloped. She said 'heck no...just go'!
My DH's family hates the Mormons. When my Mother in law found out we eloped to the temple , she asked me if my Mom & family was there. I said 'Nope. You couldn't be there , so noone was there but me & DH'. She went 'okay' .( She didn't have an argument after that ).
TBM members of my side of the family who were offended at not being invited to the temple ceremony called my Mom when they found out yelling 'can you believe it'. My cool Mom said' I'm not upset about it. They did it the way they wanted to. Calm down.!'

It's YOUR special day . Not everyone elses. Go for it !!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2015 12:54PM by momto15kids.

I could actually see sending the email and then adding at the end, "Just kidding. Of course we would never do something like that. :)"

That could give pause to a few of those TBMs even if just for a second.

I'm mostly like you though. In the end the way you put the lay of the land is perfect:

" . . . but such is the life of an exmo in a family full of TBMs."

Why would you want anyone at your wedding who is going to detract from your happiness? I mean, seriously. Don't give them the satisfaction of causing you and your spouse-to-be any heartache. I think if you sent that email it would be very appropriate. It's your day, don't willingly let people rain on it. Besides, just think of all the fun people who would actually come who don't have current or no temple recommends.

Congratulations and happy living!

Like others have said, it's your day, make it one that you will remember with joy and love.

Don't let anyone rain on your parade.

No matter who shows up and what their feeling are, good or bad, make everyone feel that you appreciate their presence on your special day and that you love them all and accept their support on your life ahead.

Make all your thoughts and actions positive and brush off anything different.

I wish you a long life, filled with health, happiness and love.

GREAT--GREAT--GREAT!!!