I am gay and a female. I need support . I think being BIC and being born into a very sick family as caused lots of suffering in my life.

I was attracted to a girl in Young women's girls camp,waaaaaay back when I was 16 years old. Due to my mothers death at that time I ended up marrying a schizophrenic . And had childern by him.

I have had 25 years of therapy , but have not not therapy in the last 10 years. I am now re entering therapy next week.

Can't do anything about the past. I am moving forward and not looking back.

I have always loved the poem " the journey " by mary Oliver .

I am now reading her poems .

I live in a conservative area and very much doubt there are any support groups around.

Would love to hear some stories of recovery and hope from other RFM's

I love all of you , black, white , gay, straight, brown , yellow, and even green if there are any out there:)

Yes. Being gay and BIC is such a great combination. No? It really does a number on you.

I would love to say that after all the decades I've been out of the church and out of the closet, that all the effects of my Mormon past are gone, but that isn't the case. I'm good with that though--can't explain why. At some point, I guess, you just have to like yourself no matter what the baggage, or else what's the point.

Good luck with the therapy. Hope your therapist is a good one. Maybe they will help you find the humor in all of it. It is there you know.

The civilized world is becoming kinder as the Mormon church becomes meaner. Right now, it's being a Mormon and being a human that is not such a good combination anymore. The tables are turning.

It's your turn to feel great. That's what I'm wishing for you.

Best of luck in your journey.

Your best option is too find a support of your peers you can meet face 2 face, contact the local pride center in your area if there is one , otherwise this site might help you find support

http://www.glbthotline.org/

Yes, it is like all my chakras are all lined up. It is like psychological chiropatric when one comes out. I didn't even need coffee that day. I was feeling great.

Now I need to find a healthy relationship with a women.

The thing is I have heard there are lots of lesbian relationships that are psychological abusive.

Anyone see the French film " the color of blue" ?

It was the first NC-17 movie I ever saw. It was out a,couple of years ago.

The story had a very sad ending

I have to run to work, but movies are famous for twisting lesbian relationships into something pathological or designed for the male gaze instead of reality. Lesbian relationships can be as good or as bad as hetero relationships. It depends on the people involved, as usual.

there were stories of how the actresses felt very violated on set. His vision of what a lesbian relationship is, is a twisted fantasy. Not that a man couldn't tell a beautiful story about lesbian women. Carol is directed by a (gay) man. Don't make any broad assumptions about lesbian relationships. Every intimate relationship male/female, male/male, female/female tends to have the same issues and joys. It's about the good and bad traits of the two people in the relationship, nothing else.

It really depends on the people involved. I've seen a lot of happy, healthy relationships between two women, but I've seen some abusive ones too. As with any relationship, be careful who you let into your life. Try to find someone who's willing to put just as much effort into the relationship as you are.

Growing up gay in the church can really take a toll on people. I know it made me feel worthless. I think sonoma has a point, in that it might not be a good idea to get into a relationship right away, but that's up to you. Friendship and support is always a good idea. I hope you can find as much as you need.

Hetero male here...but I thought that the Color of Blue was just a great story of life. I found it life affirming...to go out and live, love, hurt and move on if need be.

Regardless, nothing but support and love to you. Just be yourself and find others that value that. Life is a batting average (baseball analogy :)

Lue, I have lesbian friends in stable, loving, long term relationships. There is just as much if not more abuse in heterosexual relationships. Looking for a healthy relationship is good, knowing what one is may be something therapy can help you learn. Being lesbian and BIC is indeed a burden. When we lived in Utah years ago we knew a very screwed up jack mormon lesbian couple who had terrible problems including alcoholism but could not quite break free of their indoctrination into LDS beliefs.

Mary Oliver is one of my favorite poets,keep reading her hopeful, calming words and look forward to a better life without Mormon garbage warping your mind. We all love you to, you have come to a place of acceptance with many others here who have travelled a path similar to yours.

Thank you jersey girl .

Yes, that movie, " the color of blue" was produced by a very demanding and possibly * abusive* male.

There was a lot of blow back after it got an award of some type.

The actors that played the lesbian couple where very outspoken about it.

Thanks.

Gay man here.

Out for 26 years.

Out of the Cult for 27 years.

My advice...

Don't look for a romantic relationship yet.

Focus on making LOTS of lesbian friends.

Believe me, there are lots of lesbians everywhere in this country.

Make friends, explore the community, have fun, and see for your own eyes just how wrong the Mormon Cult is about lesbians.

I know sooooooo many happy, healthy, exemplary lesbian relationships.

You'll get there soon enough, I promise.

Mormonism is a cancer on the lives of LGBT people who were born into the cult.

Remission is on the way!!

Be patient with yourself.

Love yourself and love your new community.

gee people marrying schizophrenics is really going around here on RFM

I'm straight, white, and married (23 years)...
But I love you, too.

Whatever support I can give via internet, you have. Be brave, be yourself, be happy. :)

http://www.clpearson.com/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2015 03:42PM by quinlansolo.

come on down to Central Texas! we have a huge thriving gay community, and people here don't give two shits who you're into. I can introduce you to some lovely folks (of all orientations.) plus the weather's great, it was 79 today at my place.

don't rush into a relationship too fast, making friends is the way to go.

"Better than Chocolate." It plays into the lesbian stereotype of "What do you call a lesbian second date" trope, but it's a meaningful movie.

The problem with media and same sex relationships is the need to place everything into a hetero-normative view. If I asked a vegan where the meat in her salad was, I would be an asshole. The point of being a vegan is not having meat, same sang as being a lesbian.

Despite where you are, there is support, even in boon-shit-Mongolia. GLBTA+ people are everywhere!

I think you're great. You said you like poetry and I've never met a poetry fan who wasn't interesting. If you ever write some, you should consider sharing it. Be well.

You are very courageous! Do what you need to do.
I wish you the best in your struggles and your new path!

One of my best friends is lesbian and she and her wife have one of the strongest marriages I've ever witnessed. The respect and love they show for each other is beautiful. If I ha as strong a marriage as these two I'd probably still be married!

I want to wish you the very best for today,and the future.

Of course there are many loving, caring, awesome, lesbian relationships. My hope for you is that you will find a support group of your choosing, new friends who care and support you, and that you continue to share here on rfm. Two "sisters" from my old ward left their marriages and came out, left the church, and remain happily together two decades later. I wish you healing, peace and a place in a healthy community where you are happy and where you can thrive. Sending you hugs from this MexMom.

I am friends with two different Lesbian couples and they have great relationships! They met at work and through friends- like everyone else I know. Congratulations on your new adventures- and wishing you every good thing!

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2


great organization for family and friends.. find your local chapter and get involved. lots of support and people who know what you're going through...

You gotta be kidding me...
Here in houston I was thinking we are the most homophobic state...
great to hear that!

out in the boondocks and west texas there is tons of homophobia, but in Austin metro, Houston metro, San Antonio metro, DFW area there are HUGE gay communities.

In Houston there are a couple "gayborhoods" where 80% of the homeowners are gay & lesbian couples. I forget the names of the community though...Houston has some great gay bars too according to my gay pal

Not Mormon, never was but I can tell you this. When a friend came out and was condemned by our church, I left that church. That is the level of love and support you deserve. Don't accept less.

The worst part is over. It's confusing and hard to rebuild a life, but freedom is always better.

You know what is ironic? I went to Provincetown , MA in 1994 as a side trip when I went to Boston.

mary Oliver lives is Provincetown, MA

It was beautiful. I still have the pictures. I wanted to go to the most eastern part of the US. So I rented a car and drove all the way down Cape cod, past Hayannis Port and to Provincetown.

I called the Natiional GLBT Hotline last night and spoke to a wonderful gay man my age, and he said it is better late than never.mand he said to go slow and not rush into this new lifestyle and make lots of friends, just like someone on this board has mentioned

I then after hanging up with him, made a reservation with the non profit group, Eselan, in Big Sur, CA for a meditation workshop between Christmas and New Years. Unfortunately they have been booked up for months for theses workshops and I am number 35 on a waiting list.

I am reading Mary Oliver poems and they are a great source of grounding and peace in my life.

I do believe I have angels watching over me and guiding me right now.

I am being protected and guided and I feel safe and sound and sane and grounded.

The GLBT hotline said to call them and let them know how it is going when ever I need to.

No. I am not bi. I have had enough dicks in my vagina to last three life times. I was sexually abused and since my mother died when I was sixteen, I went to men for awhile and was promiscuous .

So I have Pap smears every year to watch for HVP.

And a bi life style for a women is just a girl toy for the couple " hiring " the third party. Not into that. yuck!

I want to be married :) . I live in california . I want a healthy life style for a change.

Again, this is a trope designed for the misinformed and male gaze.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/lies-tell-you-when-bisexual/
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/13-lies-about-bisexuals/
http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/06/lesbian-and-bisexual-women-in-the-media/

Please do not buy into the bullshit surrounding Bi people. They get enough prejudice as it is from all sides.

What a fascinating journey on which to embark!

Do you have a certainty that you are Lesbian, or could you be Bisexual?

If I were asked for advice, I would counsel avoiding group encounters until you've bounced things off a good counselor, one on one.

Hey lue,

In February 2004, when mayor Gavin Newsome began to issue wedding liscences in San Francisco to gay couples, I grabbed a camera and went down to city hall to see what I could capture on video.

This is the short documentary that was the result.

I hope that it inspires you on your journey!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bTGhygUElZE

That documentary is so cute! They are such a cute couple.

I will probably look like the skinny one. I was put on synthroid and now I am losing my hair ( normal side effect) and when it grows back it will be gray because I am going to stop dying it blond .

Yea! Yea for all! I feel real good. Coming out is great!