We have 5 kids, two married TBMS and 3 younger (college age) kids who are inactive/non-believers. The TBMs more or less know we don't attend and have seen coffee in the house etc., but don't say much. Wife tells them we just don't like the ward and I just don't say anything becasue we don't want friction.

TBM kids hang out and have fun and like us and don't seem to care that much that we don't attend.

We want happiness and no drama, but eventaully want them to be aware of why we don't beleive so we don't have to pretend. We also want to be fair to them.

We have no concerns about no temple rec or missing temple marriage etc.

Any suggestions?

Seems like these are pretty good right now. So, don't rock the boat, but be prepared for any possible change.

It could be that these older children are looking for a way to differentiate themselves and establish their own identity. It is not uncommon in the religious world for children to assert themselves this way, i.e., becomining either more or less observant than the parents.

Let them approach the topic if/when they wish and try to keep it neutral. No debating or arguing, respect for differing views. This is not the Mormon mindset, so it is to all your credit that the issue hasn't become a big thing between you.

What I did to keep the peace with my one TBM daughter was to only discuss my atheism with them, and never say anything about how stupid the church is. They (she and her TBM husband) know that talking religion with me is a waste of time, but they don't have to deal with me 'attacking' the church.

Naturally, they think my atheism is just a stage I'm going through ... or as my SIL says "We know that you're not really an atheist!"

I just smile...

Thanks for the reply. This is a good idea.

One of the best suggestions that I've seen for such a situation is to keep in mind that the TBM kids may feel a need for the church that is deeper than you might imagine.

So the best approach --- right in line with what elderolddog said --- is to not say anything about the church unless they specifically ask you a question. And if they do ask a specific question, ask them the following questions:

If there were some problem with the Mormon church, would you want to know about it?

If something that I said might threaten your testimony, would you want me to go ahead and say it?

If you want to discuss this, do you want to both discuss and listen to all sides of the question?

If the answer is "no" to any of the above questions, you will be pretty unlikely to do anything positive by going ahead with a conversation about why you decided to leave the church.

Some day, one or more might really want to understand what the problems are, and come to you for information. But unless they make that clear to you, leave well enough alone, if you want a happy relationship with the TBM's.

All of what I said applies to adults. It gets a lot more complex, to me, when the subject of giving honest answers to your children's children, should any of them ever ask you a serious question. But I think that so far, that seems to be a different discussion.

I have a very TBM stepson. When him and his wife come over we never discuss religion. I have seen them in the den reading the names of my book collection. If they want to know more, they know which books to buy. Ironically, one of the books is about the MMM, and dil's uncle wrote it. I'm pretty sure he's no longer a member.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2015 05:44PM by madalice.