Does anyone remember the caution not to have friends outside TSCC due to their potential to influence? I don't remember specific spoken prohibitions, but others told me the "brethern" cautioned against that. Was/Is that true?

I never fit the TSCC mold so we never had real friends within TSCC. It was hard to make friends outside TSCC because of all the crazy restrictions from normal activities (no booze, etc)

I'm not sure if the 15 ever taught this, but I know many Utah TBM's think this way. Most members would have no friends if this was the rule. Most people outside of the morridor have few, if any, Mormon neighbors. Few of my friends growing up were Mormon...mainly because the church is almost non-existent in most parts of the world.

I've never actually heard anyone say to completely avoid non-Mormons, but it almost seems that way as most Mormons tend to associate only with other Mormons. If they had wanted me to shun all non-Mormons, I wouldn't have been able to spend time with my family as I was a convert.

I remember "specific spoken prohibitions."

When I moved to a new town at age 11, I quickly made friends with a nevermo kid we nicknamed "blade" ('cause he was so skinny).
All through middle school and high school, my priesthood leaders kept encouraging me to get him to come to church. I did get him to come once in a while, and to play every year on our youth basketball team, but he had no interest in joining. And after he'd come once or twice a year, and then not show up any more, the deacon/teacher/priest quorum leader would tell me that if he didn't join up, I shouldn't spend time with him, 'cause he'd drag me down into the "ways of the world."

I had a bishop, after I brought my nevermo Catholic girlfriend to a stake dance when I was 17, tell me that I either had to convert her or dump her -- immediately -- because not being a mormon she had "low standards," and would get me to do sexual things that would prevent me from going on a mission.

Numerous other times I was told that the only reason to be "friends" with non-mormons was to try and convert them, and if they wouldn't convert, I should avoid them and only spend time with good mormon kids.

This was SoCal (San Diego area), mid 70's. It wasn't subtle or unspoken, it was in your face.

That was the preference going up in Utah in my family in the 80's, but it wasn't hard and fast and wasn't strictly enforced.

The big rule was never to date a non-Mormon! That rule was made very explicit both in church and at home.

No. Never heard this or taught this. I did teach you become like the people you hang out with so choose wisely.

I grew up in a rural non Mormon area so had nevermo friends at school and Mormon friends on Sunday. Nobody ever told me to not associate with non-Mormon kids. Must a be a typical fucked up Utah/southern Idaho thing.

Ron Burr

It was in my patriarchal blessing. Twice. Los Angeles, 1978.

"…and that you rather isolate thyself and thy loved ones from the more carnal friendships of the earth… which shall mark thee as a peculiar man…"

[He actually used the word "isolate." And if I'd listened, I would have been seen as "peculiar" in the *weird* sense.]

"Go out of thy way to choose thy close friends from among the more worthy members of the Church, that you may gain from each other's spiritual strength."

[Really? "Go out of my way?" So we can mutually reinforce our confirmation bias within the Mormon echo chamber? No thanks, old man.]

Fortunately, I was in college by then, and the PB admonition was, shall we say, impractical. Even in high school, there were maybe 3-4 Mormons; my friends were all Jewish.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2015 02:37PM by Book of Mordor.

I grew up in West LA and all my friends were Jewish too...

Mormons can only shun outsiders in places where they are the majority (in other words, just Utah).

I grew up outside of Utah. There were about 10% mormons. My parents, who were very strict TBMs, never discouraged me from hanging out with non-members.

I wouldn't have had many friends if I only had Mormon friends. My best friends were NOT Mormon. That wasn't by design. Those were just the people I got along best with, and showed themselves to be true friends over the years. There were some fun and nice Mormon girls in my stake, and in my ward, but I didn't fit with the catty girls in my YW age group. I only put up with going to church and activities with them because I thought God required it. It was hard, and I often tried to bring non-LDS friends just so I would have someone there I wanted to hang out with.

Funny thing, in college, at BYU, some of closest friends were inactive or non-LDS. (One got kicked out of BYU).

I have never gotten along with people who are catty, gossipy, show-offs, kiss-ups or phony. Unfortunately, that rules out a lot of Mormon women.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2015 03:34PM by imaworkinonit.

The mormon kids were the biggest drunks in town.

My patriarchal blessing instructed me to choose my girlfriends wisely, and only those who'd inspire me to be a better person. And that I was to set an example that would inspire them likewise.

It also instructed me to date only those men who'd be worthy to take me to the temple. And to date with one, then another, and do the musical chairs thing so I'd have a better idea who was "the one" for me.

LOL. So much for gospel blessings. Never married in the temple. I barely dated LDS men even when I resided in a Mormon community as a young adult.

It was non-Mormons I dated mostly.

I guess instructing me to only date Mormons wasn't good advice (for TSCC) in the long run.

There was one Mormon girl I dated who I later married (in the temple, of course). Many years later, she introduced me to this website. We're still married (happier than ever). We now laugh at ourselves and shake our heads when we think how much bull...excrement we believed in our TBM days.

From what I have learned on this site, I came the conclusion that all of the busy work and demands on the time of Mormons is deliberately designed to keep Mormons so busy with other Mormons that they limit their contacts with non-Mormons. It seems so transparent.

I also think it was designed to keep momos so busy they did not have time to question and find answers to things that did not make sense.

The church? As a whole?

We weren't supposed to have friends outside our ward!

I remember talking with the RSP one time, and I was telling her something about one of my nonmember friends. She looked straight into my face and said, "You're not supposed to have friends outside the church." I also remember at the time thinking she could kiss my ass. Nobody liked her for her bossy, arrogant attitude. She was RSP because she married into a wealthy family that practically ran the stake. Yeah, whatever dumbass.
By the way, she was one of the people who harrassed me after I became inactive that I called the cops on! LOL Good times. (standing outside my fence, yelling in at me blowing the horn and would not leave when told to.)

Non-Mormons figure out quickly that relationships with Mormons are often not real friendships but opportunities for fellowshipping.

When we moved to Utah, we were overwhelmed by all the friendly overtures, invitations to activities, etc. At first we had a very positive impression. However, gradually all those "friends" began to ignore us as it became obvious that we had no intention of ever converting.

One of my daughter's friends was told by her mother to drop their friendship as DD was never going to convert and friendship with her was a waste of time.

Mo's are an offensive bunch of people in this regard, and in many others. I'm studying at the U right now, and started to make friends with a guy in one of my classes. We both have quite a few interests in common, but low and behold, I'm not good enough to associate with anymore since he found out I am an ex Mo. I try to be open to friendships with all different types of people, but Mo's seem to mostly all be like this. Sad. That's a pretty awful outlook on life.

I don't recall ever being told explicitly to have only Mormon friends. Growing up though, my family was always concerned that I never had close friends that were Mormon and my mother was very concerned when I attended an Assembly of God Church for awhile with a friend.

In the 80's I remember the church trying to encourage members to "befriend" non-members, I somehow remember an editorial in the D-news in late seventies or eighties. They knew that members were coming across as snobbish.

The church though, by it's nature is exclusionary. You are encouraged to do missionary work so you are encouraged to have some limited contacts outside your religion, but if you start dating them or limit your "activity" in the church they will become very concerned. After the age of sixteen though, most members are limiting friendships to active Mormons due to dating pressures and the very explicit rule that you are not to date non-Mormons. By the time you are an adult, your church, family and employment obligations practically guarantee you will not have time for anything more than passing associations with non-Mormons.

I found it hard to be friends with non mormons. We were taught to think ourselves superior because we had the gospel. Also, I lacked the same social framework as non mormons in that I could not participate in the normal rites of teenage and young adults...coffee, alcohol, pot, etc.

I don't think they actually tell members to isolate themselves from all non-Mormons, but there is so much they can't do or have that makes being around non-Mormons difficult. They also tend to rely on the ward EQ to help them move so they can say they've provided a service, instead of hiring professionals. In most cases, once someone moves out of a ward, they drop those friends in favor of those in the new ward, even if they would be in the same stake.

In Utah outside of SLC, it's much easier to have only Mormon friends, since most people are Mormon. Outside of Utah, it's much harder to isolate oneself because Mormons are often a small minority that they would basically have to homeschool their children to avoid non-Mormons. Also, those who don't work for the church or companies that do business with the church tend to have more non-Mormon co-workers so they will see the coffee machine in the break room.