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Posted by: Book of Mordor ( )
Date: December 23, 2015 02:46PM

Merry Smithmas to all! Just a reminder that today marks the tenth anniversary of the revelation given to Gee Bee Hinckley authorizing construction of the City Creek shopping mall. This revelation was canonized into the Exmo D&C, by sustaining vote of all responders, as Section 140.


SECTION 140

Revelation given to President Gordon B. Hinckley, in Salt Lake City, Utah, on December 23, 2005, called the "Olive Loaf" because of it being largely baloney with some nasty fruit mixed in. – At this time President Hinckley and the Quorum of the Twelve were anxiously awaiting the year-end tithing settlement summaries. After much earnest and diligent prayer, President Hinckley received this revelation on the 200th anniversary of the birth of Joseph Smith the Prophet.


1-4, Church tithing revenue is drying up and the reasons revealed; 5-7, Construction of City Creek Center is approved to make up the loss; 8-12, Instructions are given regarding sources of funding for the mall and other particulars; 13-15, Capital is to be kept within certain privileged families.


1 Hearken unto my words, my servant Gordon, for I the Lord knoweth all things, and there is none like me.

2 Behold, thou hast seen the membership reports given unto thee by mine bureaucracy dedicated unto me, in which it hast been made known unto thee that the numbers of my faithful saints are no longer increasing;

3 And also that the amount of tithing collected from the saints is now falling, both individually and collectively, because the income of the members leaving my church is greater than the income of the new members replacing them;

4 Therefore, in order to continue the work of my church and also to keep thee in the lifestyle whereunto thou art accustomed, I declare unto thee that the time has arrived to seek out another source of funds for my church.

5 And this new source of funds will not consist of ranches, or hotels, or private resorts, or game preserves, or office parks, or residential complexes, or tracts of land in the states known as Florida and Hawaii, such as thou hast heretofore done.

6 Yea, it is my will that thou shalt build unto me a new shopping mall, and it shall be placed on the borders of mine holy temple; and thou shalt call it City Creek Center, for that name is pleasant unto mine ears.

7 And thou shalt utterly destroy that which now occupieth the site of my shopping mall, and also thou shalt use thine influence with government officials and investment bankers to receive the best possible terms and conditions.

8 It is my word and will that thou shouldst not use tithing monies directly for the building of my shopping mall, but rather thou art directed to use the various shell corporations thou hast organized for purposes such as this;

9 Which shell corporations receive the interest from the tithing monies, wherefore the tithing accounts themselves shall not be depleted; and for this reason thou shalt have plausible deniability regarding the tithing contributed by my faithful saints.

10 I authorize thee, my servant Gordon, to expend no less than one billion dollars on my shopping mall, for it shall be known as a place of gathering, and it shall serve as an enduring monument to the greatness and splendor of my church.

11 And my shopping mall shall attract many high-end merchants and fine restaurants, and thou shalt offer them lease terms such as will quickly recoup thine investment; and there shall also be luxury condos wherein mine elect shall be set apart to live.

12 And thou shalt divert monies that might have gone to feeding the hungry, or clothing the naked, or aiding the poor who perish for want, or relieving the suffering of thy brethren who are not as white and delightsome as thou art.

13 Thou mayest, if thou so choosest, make full use of thy many family business connections for the building of my shopping mall, and also the businesses of the families of mine apostles and seventies;

14 That the billions of dollars spent on my shopping mall and its surrounding area may keep the chosen families of my church unspotted from the pains and privations of the world.

15 And if ye do these things ye shall have no fear of a shortage of funds, for the windows of heaven hath opened wide for thee. Behold, I am the Big Guy, the Whole Enchilada, in whose power ye do well to trust. Amen.

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Posted by: weeder ( )
Date: December 23, 2015 05:16PM


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Posted by: Historischer ( )
Date: December 23, 2015 06:25PM

A splendid revelation!

Gordon was indeed a profitable servant unto the elect families of that true and holy church.

Let us make joyful praise in the electrons of the internet.

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