Once we doing confirmations for the dead, they made the man doing stop because he wasn't lifting his hands high enough off my head between names. They made us do all the names over again making sure he took his hand fully off my head.

Why? Why is it so important that the hand fully leaves your that between names?

But yet I've read a number of credible stories of the attempted baptisms of uncontrollable 'thrashers' where the elders finally gave up and declared, "close enough!"

I love those stories! And stories like yours, pointing to the logical conclusion that it's all form and no substance.

Joseph Smith made it up after his brother died at a young age. During his funeral the minister basically said he wouldn't get to heaven because he was never officially baptized into a religion. Smith's mother was despondent so old Joe made up baptism for the dead.

Steve Benson previously recently posted an excellent, detailed summary.

Because the stream of Priesthood magic has to be restarted for each person!

Just be glad it wasn't a problem with the baptism with them forgetting to let the person up for a breath of air before dunking them again. ;-)

Eye roll.

Mormons get SO hung up on exact words; hands being lifted up the proper length; toes coming up out of the water; pay, lay, ales not being said with the proper vowels that they make Pharisees seem like progresses. I mean really, does any other Christian faith require that their members use "thee and thou" when praying? The Hung Boner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fx2zLgdkJpk

SEE??

Exact words, exact hand motions or NO MAGIC!

Man in the mormon afterlife:
"I was blind during my real life, but I've now come to the realization that Mormonism is the one true religion! Since my ordinances have been done by proxy for me on earth, I'm ready to head up to the celestial kingdom!"

Spirit stake president in the afterlife replying:
"Oh, so sorry brother, but when your ordinances were done, the officiator didn't raise his hand high enough for it to be valid, so it's the telestial kingdom for you. No planet, no harem of wives...oh, well."

And mormons wonder why people make fun of their religion??

These small and petty scoldings allow Mormon leadership to subscribe more importance to the trivial repetitive acts than there really is...

How about a nitpick process for "resignation for the dead." s mentioned above by D Thomas it would also make the process seem really important.

Great idea. Want to keep the believers busy.