Should I resign? I really really really really really want to. Married to TBM with young kids. Pretty positive he is NEVER leaving, but he and his family also constantly say people don't resign because "deep down they know the church is true." I also don't like that I can't speak candidly with people without risk of excommunication. I will resign rather than be excommunicated because I refuse to give the church that power.

Thoughts? I've been mulling this over a LOT the last few days.

I want to be able to express myself without fear of "church discipline."

Resigning will certainly remove any possibility of church discipline. It is also pretty good at squashing fantasies about you knowing deep down that it is really true. It is the gold standard for declaring disbelief, especially if you've been through the temple. Mos will shrink in fear and horror at you giving God the finger.

Sounds like it mostly depends on how big a s**tstorm is likely to occur at home. Results here vary, and to some degree, it's a crap shoot.

I suppose the overriding question is, how will resignation impact your marriage? (These questions are for you to think over, not necessarily to post the answers here.)

How strong is your marriage, really? Does your husband love you more than he loves the cult?

Will your husband suddenly view you differently? Will he "advise" you to withhold your apostate status from the kids, as they grow old enough to understand?

Is your bishop a jerkwad? He will naturally be aware of your resignation; is there any chance he might "counsel" your husband to divorce you and replace you with someone more "righteous"? And if he does, will your husband meekly submit, or will the bishop receive a richly-deserved black eye?

All these questions must be considered. Of course, that they have to be asked at all is conclusive proof that you're currently mired in a vicious cult.

It was certainly my way of saying, "You can't fire me. I quit."

It felt like I was taking my power back and telling them that they had no authority over me.

I guess it's different for everyone. Others say that resigning to them felt like giving into the Church's authority, but I didn't feel that way at all.

Be true to yourself. Do whatever is right for you.

Must confess -- kind of fun to screw with their stats
(they're all about stats).

Per padre, el bisho even offers to write a resignation FOR me, if I'd just pleeease sign.

Every tithing settlement, el bisho demands my home address.
Every tithing settlement, padre squeals not.

Three years running.

You also have the option of waiting until there is some threat of church discipline and resigning at that time. You don't necessarily have to do it before.

There is no reason to fear church discipline, since you can short-circuit it at any point by resigning.

That's a great thought. Thank you. Not sure how it will affect the marriage - coming to see simply outing myself to my spouse may have already done the damage. I'm not sure if resigning would have an actual impact on the marriage now. Any others have tbm spouses freak out upon resignation or is it that big a deal to them? I thought spouse was adjusting to the change but kind of thinking not so much now. No details at the moment sorry.