Hello again everybody!

This last week has been a nightmare. A little background about me, after I left the mormon church, I chose to follow the Germano-nordic paganism of my ancestors. I personally love it, but to each his/her own. So the other night my parents caught me praying to my Gods and then all hell broke loose.

I got screamed at for a long while about this, that, and the other. Something about how I had brought Satan into our home and other crazy shit like that. It wasn't pretty. My mother told me to "stay away from HER family" and then my father gave me a vendetta. He told me this "Alright, you have until July the 4th (my birthday) and then you are no longer my responsibility. You're just going to have to find somewhere else to live, I don't care where you go. Come July the fourth, you are no longer welcome in my home, and you'll have to go live somewhere else."

Of course I was heart broken, but I guess I am just sort of used to it at this point. I don't know what to do honestly. My parents have my the majority of my savings. I don't have my own car. I only have a part time job that pays 7.45 USD an hour.

I don't know where I can go. I don't know what I can do.

Suggestion: Visit a United States Armed Forces recruiting office. Take a serious look at what they have to offer you. This is not for everybody, but it may be something that will give you what you currently need. Keep it secret from your parents, and if the USAF works out, then tell your parents the day before you leave.

Your parents are being petty and vindictive but now you know a lot more about their behavior traits.

I'm 4F because of my Aspergers' Syndrome. That's why I am a firefighter and a Coast Guard Auxiliarist.

they are putting you out as quick as legally possible before you 'infect' your siblings. you are a bad example and therefore are a threat to their 'happy home'.

it's not nice and I'm sure a few of us have experienced this (I have) and many more will in the future.

sorry to break it to you - I still find it hard to accept myself especially now I am a parent - but your parents love their obedient son, ie, their ideal of you. they just don't know how to love you as a person who does not fulfill their wishes, they are too emotionally immature thanks to their religion.

sorry mate, cannot give you any legal advice or anything else except sympathy for your plight. it is something that tscc encourages 'between the lines': shunning of apostates, children included and elder children especially.

AmeriCorps is another idea. A friend of mine did it. They provided her with housing, food, and some money.

http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps

And try all of the services including the Coast Guard, to which you already have ties. Each branch will make up its own mind about your aptitude and qualifications. If one says no, another one might say yes.

Tell mom and dad that you will need every cent of the money that you lent to them back by the time that you leave. Ask them what their plan is for returning it to you. I would tell them that they need to plan to pay you back a certain amount every month. If you don't start seeing some money being returned to you, contact Legal Aid and see if they can help you. Don't be nice about this. Your parents are not being nice to you. They owe you a substantial sum of money. Make sure that you get it back. *You will need it.*

Save everything from now on out. The day you turn eighteen you will need to establish your own non-custodial bank account. I did it, so can you.

Hang in there. We will help you as best we can, but you need to start making plans *now.*



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2016 11:19AM by summer.

I agree about demanding your money back from your parents. Time to treat them like adults.

Absolutely get your money back. To not pay you back would be an act of dishonor on their part.

If I were you, I'd say something like, " I know that as someone to whom honor is very important, you will act in an honorable way by returning my money to me."

Just keep on making your plans and preparations. Food luck!

Um, I REALLY hope you gave them copies of the 11th Article of Faith and advised them if they didn't let you worship how you wanted that they would no longer be eligible for temple recommends.

I love this comment, but, it seems Mormons don't actually believe or practice the AOFs. Joe certainly broke all of them.

TBH, I'm not sure why you'd want to throw gasoline on the fire that you'd already lit by your loss of faith in the family religion.

If you are this close to 18, why not just keep your head down and plan a more dignified and controlled exit? In the meantime, play by the other golden rule - "their house, their rules".

I've followed your posts since the beginning and I have a question for you. This isn't an attack or accusation. Is there part of you that's trying to provoke your parents? You get a lot of support from people here on the board, but having a teen in my house tellms me that there is something more to this story. I also lived with crazy Mormon parents so I know just how crazy and irrational things can get. Think about your own actions and behavior because you are starting to come off as quite petty yourself.

This must be incredibly painful for you.

The best revenge is for you to set high goals/ plans. People on here have good suggestions. Turn this whole experience with your Mom around & make your life the very best you can.

There's a world of opportunities out there for you. Go forth & claim your best life.

***hugs***

Say your prayer quietly to yourself, so they don't catch who you're praying to. In the meantime you can still respect their right to believe as they do. It's sad they aren't mature enough to do the same where you're concerned.

This is still a free country, and you're as entitled to believe in whatever God you like, or none at all. Isn't it something that the Mormon church while telling us we have our "free agency" strips it from us at the same time in an all or nothing attempt to control us down to our tippy toes.

You aren't earning enough to go out on your own, so. As someone suggested, the military is an option, but it isn't for everyone.

Going to college may be another, and it isn't too early to start applying for grants and scholarships and other financial aid to help you get there.

Third, swallow your pride and apologize to your parents if you offended them or showed them disrespect, and make an effort to live in peace while you're still there. That may change their position, if they see you abiding by their house rules.

You can play along if you have to for awhile. It doesn't need to be permanent, but you still need time to be able to find a way to support yourself independent of them.

Roommates may help buffer the costs of living on your own. Just try to find some that are going to be mature, and not irresponsible - since you'll be depending on each other for awhile paying their share of the rent.

Other options: with summer season looming, come July, there's lots of resorts that offer room and board for their employees while you're working for them. Many of these jobs end after Labor Day. But it may be something of a fall back plan and short term, if you need that.

I'd be planning on continuing your education, and finding whatever odd jobs you can to help pay your way, in addition to receiving financial aid that the colleges offer.

Im sad that your parents can't even follow their own faith, yet they expect you to follow it. However, please remember to keep a lower profile with your own beliefs for now. If you know that something is going to cause trouble, right now, just let it slide until you are out on your own.

I am no expert on this, so I can't tell you what is possible and what is not.

However, don't forget the earlier poster, some months ago, who suggested that you contact the state authorities to see what assistance is or will be available to you due to the Aspergers.

You may have more options than you realize if you can get assistance for job training, college, and possibly for living expenses.

Don't forget to ask about federal (social security) disability, also. There may some help there, as well, depending on your actual level of ability.

In the meanwhile, start sorting through your friends, coworkers, and so forth (or finding new friends) to see who might be compatible roommates if/when you move into your own place. Whether or not you end up needing to share a home or apartment, it won't hurt to have some alternate plans.

I know someone with Aspergers that got ALL of their college paid for through the government. Get together with your school counselor and find out what you need to do to make this happen.

There will be tons of paperwork to fill out. You'll need a Dr. verification of your diagnosis.

You've gotten some great advice, and I have no more for what to do when they kick you out. But, I do have some Pagan advice. Remember that everything has something else that is a symbol of it. Feather or bells = Air, Smudge or unlit charcoal = Fire, etc. Use the least obvious thing for your prayers and rituals. Ordinary things (that you won't catch hell for possessing) are sometimes the best things to use.

As a fellow Pagan, I have nothing but support in you following whatever religious path you choose.

That said, given the already tense situation you were living in, any sort of prayers in your parents' home was a pretty bad decision to make- that's just pouring gasoline on an already burning situation. I suggest that you keep your prayers silent until you are out on your own, or do your prayers and rituals away from the house. The Gods will understand. Really.

You need to start discussing options regarding getting your finances back from your parents, if it's possible (it may not be, given that they are your parents), and protect whatever money you currently have. Make sure you have a bank account that does not have them attached to it, so they have no ability to take money from it. Do not give them a single additional cent.

Start planning for the reality that you're going to be on your own as of July. Save money. Look for additional or better work, or random odd jobs just to save some more money. Don't spend anything you absolutely do not have to.

What are your career plans???

What do you want to do to earn a living from age 18 through the rest of your life???

What have you been "seeing" yourself doing once you reach 18???

Find out where you can start on these plans now, and if you can work it out with your parents for awhile so you can still live at home, you then have the option of doing unpaid, if necessary, volunteer work to get recommendations from those you work for towards a paying job, or towards college acceptance.

Your parents have made it very clear that you need to figure out "all the rest of your life" N-O-W...and you need to get actually started on whatever you decide N-O-W.

You can no longer depend on them to provide you with a place to live, or food, or clothes, or anything else...so it is time to---"overnight," if you have to---"become an adult" (even if you aren't 18 yet).

This problem isn't going to go away, so it is time for you to figure out (at least provisionally) what you're going to do for, say, the next five years.

Childhood and adolescence is now effectively behind you.

I hope you can continue to stay in your parents' house until you have some plans in place, but you cannot depend on this, so you need to figure it out "right now."

I wish you all the best.

P.S. Adults learn to not inflame strong negative emotions in other people. You can believe in whatever you believe in, just don't create situations where THEY feel attacked in their beliefs (even if you are not trying to confront them, and even if they are wrong). There is no "upside" to them feeling attacked, and there is potentially (as you have found out) a HUGE potential downside to YOU.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2016 01:41PM by Tevai.

I'm thinking becoming a baker as well as a volunteer firefighter.

Sounds like you need to stay in the church then, and get yourself to the temple.

You get to wear a baker's hat during your endowment, and then to wear magical underwear that protect you from fire.

Sounds like your destiny is calling..... ;o)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Scotslander I crown you king of the exmos for that comment right there!

Exmo Aspie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm thinking becoming a baker as well as a
> volunteer firefighter.

A volunteer firefighter would be fine if it led to an offer of a paying job for you, which I am guessing is not possible where you are. (I was once semi-"related" to a married couple, each of whom worked for a volunteer fire department in their town, which gave fire coverage to the entire county. The woman had a paid position, plus use of a nice family home on the fire station property, since she had to work 24/7/365...and the man was a volunteer fire fighter, who (of course) was not only not paid, but also had to pay for a number of required job-related things. Based on my fairly close knowledge of that volunteer fire department (I took her place a few times when she had to take her kids to the doctor, etc.), I am guessing that a volunteer firefighter position in your area is not paid, and may---in fact---require money from you to buy necessary personal equipment, go to training sessions in another area, etc.). So if there is no pay, PLUS necessary expenses that you would be obligated to pay out of your own funds, this isn't---at this point in your life---a viable option to support yourself.

So far as being a baker goes: where would you most like to do this work? Do you have a bakery, etc. in your town or area where you think you might get a job someday as a baker? If so, then go to that place (or any similar bakery) and ask for any paid entrance job which is available (where you might be doing "anything"---prep work, clean-up, janitorial work, etc.). Once you get "a" job there, you work to the max to impress everyone with how responsible and hard-working and reliable you are, and you keep your eyes and ears open for any openings which occur "above" you, especially if they involve you being trained to be a baker. If there are licensing regulations for bakers in your area (courses you must take, like food safety, etc.), you get started on fulfilling those requirements the moment this is possible. Prepare yourself so you are ready to take advantage of any bakery position open anywhere in your area.

Do some Googling to find out whatever you might need to know...or ask the bakeries in your area to give you the trade publications they receive instead of discarding them after they have been read. Trade publications are one of the best ways to learn a new industry, and to impress a potential employer with your responsibly adult attitude towards the job you want. (Asking for discarded trade publications is also a way to get to know the people who might be in a position to hire you. Take advantage of this opportunity if you possibly can.)

Good luck!!! :)

You might want to aim for something that will bring in a higher income than a baker. Talk to your guidance counselor. If you've been doing well in school, you might aim for a community college to start off with.

Do you have an IEP at school for your Asperger's? If so, you may be eligible for transition services.

Whats an IEP?

Individual Education Plan. Do you receive services for your Aspberger's at school (Special Ed,, counseling, etc.?)

Not anymore, I do still have a 504 in place.

An Individual Education Plan. Students with special needs who receive any special education accommodations have one. You would probably know if you had one, but you might want to talk to your school counselor. Since you have a diagnosis, even if you haven't had one before, you might be able to get some extra support.

I agree with Pista about talking to the school counselor. Part of her job is making sure that you have a plan for post-graduation. Make an appointment with her and ask for input and help.

If you are already 18, check with your bank to see if you can have your parents' names removed from your savings, or if you can transfer the money into an account that is only yours. You can also have your direct deposit paychecks changed to the new/different account, so they don't have access to your money going forward. You do not need their permission for that.

With your condition, you may qualify for SSDI or other aid once you're living on your own. College is a good plan, too, and there is a LOT of financial aid available. Do your FAFSA immediately, as the aid is on a first-come, first-served basis; visit with a college financial aid counselor and explain the situation; consider summer classes as well. The sooner you start working on your education, the better.

Even if you are only making minimum wage, a typical college apartment with several roommates may be do-able. Once you're enrolled, you can usually get an unlimited bus pass for a flat fee per year, so that helps with transportation.

I was also a practicing pagan living with some pretty intolerant Mormon family members. I meditated silently in my room. When I needed to do other things, I went on long walks (with ritual supplies stowed in my backpack) or did ritual in the bath. If you have like-minded friends whom you trust and who understand your situation, maybe you could do ritual with them or store your supplies at their homes. There are also online groups, which are better than having no connection at all (be careful about how you access these -- maybe go to the public library and use their computers).

Finally, remember that even if you decide to appease your family so you can gain some stability while you prepare for life on your own, you have the privacy of your own mind. Your parents can't control what you think about (much as they want to). Your deities will understand if it's not safe to pray aloud or do your normal practices while you still live at home. Pagans have had to do so much of their spiritual practices underground or in secret due to Christian persecution -- it's hurtful when your own family acts like this, but not a new thing.

If they want to talk about it again, you can try asking them what they think Jesus would do. If it doesn't stop them from being intolerant, it at least might make them think.

>you have the privacy of your own mind.

I think this is a really important concept, especially for young people you are still living at home. In your mind, you are free. The rest of you will eventually follow.

I'm with the others who think you should talk to your guidance counselor about your plans, since one of the things they do is to help seniors prepare for post-graduation. They would know about potential scholarships and financial aid for students with disabilities, so that's something the counselor can help with.

I've mentioned before about disabled students programs at community colleges and universities, and I think that with having Asperger's, you should look into that program.

Hypothetical question.

You live in your parents house at the cost of $1300 dollars per month no strings attached. This cost covers car, car insurance, cell phone, food, rent and utilities.
The cost is killing you. You only make $7.50 an hour part time.

You have a friend whose parents say you can live there for free covering those same costs if you go to church on Sundays whether you believe or not, you are respectful to the family, wash you own clothes, clean up after yourself and help around the house.

This deal lasts until you can become independent in a reasonable amount of time.

Which would you choose? Are you willing to pay yourself $1300 per month simply by adhering to your friends parents rules?