And is the lone exmo in the entire group? What are your coping mechanisms?

Over the years, we've been disallowed from communicating with kids of our TBM siblings, who have now become adults and who to this day, still don't communicate with us based on what their parents told them. Yet they are continually prying and reaching to try to communicate with our kids, who are now adults but vulnerable.

I used to try to stay in touch with all of them (TBM family) but due to a combination of their being outwardly nice to us (only in the presence of others) but otherwise, making up stories behind our back, telling their children negative things about us, many of them untrue, and of course, always pushing to get us to rejoin the cult, am finding it harder and harder to be motivated to do so.

It seems in the past, our attempts to just be civil with birthday and holiday greetings etc. but nothing more gave them a bit of "Hope" that we'd get together and have them belittle us in person all over again, so I'm just tempted to totally drop out altogether of staying in contact with them. I may make an exception and still stay in touch with TBM parents only, but only through greeting cards. Since they have not shown any attempt to learn about our point of view or be honest in any way.

Yes, I would absolutely drop them if they forbid you from talking with their children, yet reach out to yours. They have an agenda and it is not one of mutual respect. If you haven't already, warn your adult kids about them. Share some unsettling facts about the Mormon church so that your children are not vulnerable to the relatives' missionary efforts.

My extended TBM family (Dad's side) is very large....and I have little or nothing to do with them.

RB

I am the only exmo out of 6 kids. I figured out early on that I needed to take the power in the relationship. I also knew I had to protect my nevermo wife and kids from the Mormon religion and cultures terrible influence.

I have controlled all meetings and communication. I initiate the phone calls, meetings, and such. If they piss me off with their stupidity I'll see them in a few years. Maybe by then they can grow up. Show up at my house uninvited and they get the door shut in their face. Only had to happen once for everyone to get the message.

Personal attacks of any type are not tolerated. This includes the Mormon passive-aggressive behavior that is so ubiquitous. Doesn't matter when they do it, on the phone, in person, or written in an email, I call them on it. If it happens to be publicly all the better. They have slowly stopped being negative to me. They would also never dare to say anything terrible to my kids. I have called out my parents and grandparents on this one.

I have deliberately not made any comments about the church to them. I have never explained my reasons for leaving. Never gave them fodder to gossip about my apostacy. It is not a subject I will discuss with them.

I also never talk to my nieces and nephews about it. This is tougher to do because I know what is ahead for them. They oldest is 13 now so they are all just starting the mindfuck stage. I have to play the long game and be the happy example to them. Perhaps someday when one of them will remember an uncle that was always kind. Or maybe an aunt who made Christmas merry for them a few times with gifts of stuff they wanted.

The worst part of the Mormon religion is its tendency to destroy relationships. The biggest issue is I can never trust a Mormon with my family. They place the dictates of their religion above everything else. Anything that conflicts with the G15's current teaching is immediately ignored. So I can get s promise they will not speak to my wife and kids about it and 10 minutes later they are pushing it again. I have kicked a sister out of my house for this. It's no way to build a real relationship

They were unpleasant or cruel when I was a kid, so I never bonded with them or liked them much. When I was old enough to pull it off, I left Mormonism because I saw it as hypocritical and intrusive.

I decided I'd rather live a lonely life than be a Mormon or stay in a family that mistreated me. Happily, being out on my own opened up a world of opportunities. Getting a decent job and marrying a non-Mormon meant I could have a rich happy life.

My younger siblings left Mormonism and stayed friendly with me, so I did have some family.

Now, after almost fifty years, the Mormons still come out of the woodwork at times to harass me and let me know they think they're in charge. They seem to think I should be grateful for Books of Mormon and fake notes of affection every ten or twenty years. Nope. I'm not grateful. I like running my own life because I do it my way which suits me just fine.

True believing pushy Mormons and their church give me the heebie-jeebies. I don't need any of it.

Same here. The TBMs are unpleasant, and I have no contact with them.

Cheryl, I still want to bitch-slap that sister of yours! And Don, I gotta tell ya that I am a retired nurse. Your dad should be sick in bed and *I* should be his angel of mercy, heh heh heh.

I come from a family of black sheep.

Four of my Shummy uncles fought in WW2 and every one returned alive, albeit smokers who also swore like sailors.

Eventually every one of them settled down and died as married TBMS giving birth to the family motto that all the Shumway men come back to the fold.

So far it's not looking so good for the next generation. My exmo sister and I now have a handful of cousins who are out for good.

To my family's credit I have never been shunned or mistreated for leaving the church.

Shummy, could it be because they used to be black sheep themselves, so in Mormonthink, they believe they used to set a "bad example" and thus are not in a position to call you out?

My older brother's children were warned to keep their distance from Uncle Blue. They used to look at me like I had horns and a tail. I can only imagine what they were actually told.

I cut them out of my life. You won't fine me wishing and hoping that somebody likes me--nose pressed up against the window with sad eyes saying "Please let me in." Isn't that somewhat the way you feel?

If I run into them at a family event I am "business friendly." Polite. Like I would be with a difficult client. That is what they get now.

I maintained a relationship with my parents although that has always been difficult. And yes, I am the only exmo in the immediate family. I wouldn't call it large. Six kids.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2016 02:33PM by blueorchid.

Theres only a couple things worse than being stuck in the lds cult...being stuck in the flds cult would be one...the process of enslaving these people makes the church look like brainwash wanna bes...the flds also carry the extra burden of being convinced the salvation of the entire world rests on their scrawny little shoulders including saving the church after its great apostacy in 1890 ...we have family plastered all over the church and the flds...either one as bad as the other...those in the church cluck about those poor deluded plygs and long for them to see the light...the flds contingent clucks about those poor lds living the lie of apostasy and how sorry theyre gonna be when the big guy gets back...its really quite humorous to watch the self importance on both sides...guess Ill just haf to be the lunatic fringe who refuses to see the light from either flashlight...ill just cuss in the darkness....honey...sensuous up...could ya get me a beer...are we out of popcorn??...prophets prey is on...then its conference

Hoo boy. My whole family is mormon, mom and dad's side. Mom's side isn't as religious, but they're all the way in texas.

Dad's side is worse, and we live near them up in the northwest, plus a few scattered closer to the midwest. Haven't met a soul of my blood that isn't mormon.

I'm an enemy spy here, heh heh.

Only one out in a family of 10 children. Have little contact with three sibs and TBM parents. No contact with the others including nieces and nephews I babysat and had relationships with for most of my life. It has dwindled over time, but after I officially opted out of their "eternal family" (after over a decade of no activity) they slinked away. Fine by me.

Of course, that's what accounts for their reticence to judge me.

The black streak goes back to g-grandpa Wilson who was a lifetime smoker and always wore a beard.

I used to show up at reunions looking like Chewbaca and reeking of tobacco.

Often times methinks I take after him the most. He was a Democrat who opposed capital punishment. I was actually supposed to be named after him but my grandfather Will wouldn't hear of it.