I've been thinking a lot about resigning my membership from LDS, Inc. Specifically, I've grown tired of being judged as lazy, weak, offended and angry by former friends and current family for not attending weekly meetings.

No matter how many people I do have an opportunity to inform that I no longer believe the claims of TSCC, and that Joseph Smith was a pious fraud, the majority of the people that are part of my "Mormon experience" believe I am lazy etc.

Being labeled inactive equals the negative labels above, whereas resigned or "left the church" denotes disbelief.

Any thoughts?

Resigning may change "being judged as lazy, weak, offended and angry" to being a follower of Satan. Maybe that's an improvement.

:)

Let go of what the Mormons think. Unless you're TBM, they'll not think much of you.

Doubting Thomas Wrote:
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> Any thoughts?

My parents don't believe I want nothing to do with them.

My siblings think I will eventual come around.

Some Mormons I know think that I'm being ________ and will see the light though it might be after I die.

When these same Mormon speak of "leaving the church" I understand this as not going to church anymore. No one leaves, they just go permanently inactive.

My grandfather Rulon Jeffs left polygamy to join Mormonism and then left Mormonism when my grandmother divorced him to re-join polygamy as a polygamist instead of the son of one.

My grandfather is back on the roles of the church with his first wife sealed to him in 2007.

No one leaves. That is just code for inactive. No Mormon having been baptized or blessed even gets to stop being Mormon. I don't believe that they teach those things.

People even just associated with Mormonism or famous will get their Mormonism after their end. Mormonism is truly a cult. "Left the church" means the building not the beliefs to many Mormons.

They are going to judge you no matter what. If you go back to church, they will judge your clothes, how you teach your classes, how your children behave, how your spouse behaves. You just have to let it roll off your back.

To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

I was inactive from 1971-2012....then I resigned.

RB

Personally I'd be offended by being called "lazy." I am actually proud to be EX MORMON.

They will NOT hear you when you say that the CULT is a fraud. They simply can't hear that. It offends their sensitive ears. So they call you lazy etc.

My advice is to resign so they won't have any doubt about whether you are lazy or not. They will just think you are influenced by Satan. Resign and then ignore them completely.

ElderBerry - I'll bet your family's genealogy was a nightmare. This sentence says volumes......

"My grandfather Rulon Jeffs left polygamy to join Mormonism and then left Mormonism when my grandmother divorced him to re-join polygamy as a polygamist instead of the son of one." And that is just your grandfather.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2016 07:48PM by verilyverily.

I'm proud to be an exmo also and proclaim it in conversation in public places so as to piss off any TBM's within earshot. No beat downs yet.

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2016 08:39PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Step One is not giving a rat's anal orifice what ANY Mormon thinks of you.

Your post reminded me of an encounter with Mormon mishies I had about a year after I resigned, when I was traveling in Europe.

I had just gotten off a train in Berlin, and was trying to figure out from the Metro map where I was supposed to go next to reach my ultimate destination. Other than the London Metro, which is very user-friendly AND in English, I hadn't had much experience with train systems, so I was concentrating intensely so I wouldn't make a mistake and wind up in the German equivalent of Timbuktu.

I don't speak German very well - I have forgotten a lot - but my accent is very good, because I had a live-in German grandma as a child, and I learned all sorts of little songs and poems in German from her.

Deep in my Metro musings, I was interrupted by a pair of mishies, who said, (in dreadfully-accented German) "Hello. We have a message for you from Jesus Christ." I said rather coldly that I thought Jesus could speak for himself, if he wanted. The mishie who had spoken initially clearly did not understand what I had said.

The other one gave it another shot. He asked me if I knew about the Mormon Church. I assured him that I did, and that I had left it a year or so before. He asked if I was interested in coming back. I said, "Never."

They looked so crestfallen, I asked, "Where are you from?" The first mish understood this much, and asked me if I had been to America. It was very hard not to laugh, but I assured him that I was familiar with America. He told me he was from Utah (I restrained myself from saying, "REALLY??") and the other one was from Idaho.

What on Earth were these two ignorami doing, bumbling around in Berlin?? I never admitted that I was an English-speaking American, and they never seemed to pick up on it. I couldn't believe that the MTC turned them loose with such horrible language skills. How could they possibly attract ANYBODY??

I finally excused myself, saying I had to catch a train.

I resigned my membership when there was a newspaper article that claimed there were 10,500,000 members. I thought, "They're counting me in that!" I got my name off to give myself the satisfaction of being off it. I'm sure they didn't "subtract 1" when I left; but it made me feel better.
They still have the power to excommunicate you and officially count you if you don't resign. I wanted them to have no power over me. I did what I could do.
I even wrote them last May and demanded they not baptize me after I die. I made a big fuss in my letter. They wrote me two letters back. They said they would "not initiate" baptism for me. Who knows what that means.

Personally, I think they're still counting you.

Else how could they tell people who resign and then return, "Oh, you don't have to be baptized again; we just reinstate your original baptism..."?

What scripture says "Thou shalt be reinstated." ?
The whole, "paperwork on earth" stuff always bothered me. Why is God so picky?
I'm sure I'm still counted in the general 15,000,000 (Wait! It's 16,000,000 now.)

>They said they would "not initiate" baptism for me. Who knows what that means.

They mean that the church itself will not start the process to rebaptize you, but you can rest assured that if one of your family members submits your name, they will allow the baptism to proceed.

I have three older sisters. Only one would go against my wishes, and she has gobs of descendants. My daughter is not LDS, and wouldn't let me be baptized. I heard it was "descendants." My daughter is my descendant-not my niece and nephews. Damn, this makes me angry. They have no right to grab me after I'm gone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2016 10:16PM by brettys.

or weak or whatever, but it does stop some of the insanity in terms of no home teachers, etc., no fast offering boys on fast Sundays.

I like being able to tell mormons I've resigned. It gives them "pause." Most mormons don't know you can resign. The sister missionaries said it was sad. I said, 'Not for me, it isn't.'

You still are someone who needs saving no matter what. Like someone else said, you'll always be a mormon to THEM. They still think I believe deep down, that eventually I'll come back. Luckily, my family is mostly out. The only person I really have to deal with who is TBM is MY DAUGHTER, which is a HUGE DEAL. I resigned to make a statement to her. Didn't make a bit of difference to her. It did to me, which surprised me. I'm glad I did it. I said I never would.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2016 08:14PM by cl2.

If I try to momentarily revert back to my TBM thought-process I can absolutely see what you're saying. I would certainly think differently if I knew someone 'left' the church, rather than just absent. It's unfair but I do see your point. Personally, I want to fully resign and make my views known.

Well stated and that's how I'm feeling.

Sorry, but you can't win in the court of Mormon opinion.

No matter WHAT you do or say, you are wrong, and they are right.

But if it's any consolation, the rest of the human race will think you made the obviously correct decision to leave. After I left Mormonism, I was surprised when nevermos expressed what they really thought about Mormonism--but were too polite to say.

In response to your thinking, though, I felt the same way. I didn't want to be 'inactive', and I didn't want to be on any list. I wanted to make it clear that I chose to leave, and that it wasn't just a lazy phase.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2016 09:01PM by imaworkinonit.

I appreciate what you wrote.

This is what I am currently dealing with. It hurts coming from friends. My labels are a little different though. To them I am worldly, lost, and not spiritual. In one word, inferior. No Holy Ghost = No compass, comfort, or love from God. I am talked to as if I know the church is true, but that I'm being defiant for not joining. Seriously, who the f*** thinks "The lds church is true...I am going to be a rebel and not join (or repent if exmo)! Mwhaha, I let Satan influence me!" Seriously? This is the impression I get. Even though I am being judged unfairly, I'm also laughing on the inside at the childishness of it all.

They don't do real conversations. They can voice their opinions freely, but if I voice mine (even with tact and from genuine concern), I risk the Titanic sinking all over again. It's a lonely place to be. As to why I bother, it's because I am not quick to give up a good, long-standing friendship.

I'm not quick to pour fuel on the fire of a deteriorating relationship, either.

But some TBMs don't seem too reluctant with the lighter fluid.

"They can voice their opinions freely, but if I voice mine (even with tact and from genuine concern), I risk the Titanic sinking all over again."

The question becomes if the relationship is worth having, if it requires one person to be treated as 'less than', and to absorb hurt and blame in order to maintain it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2016 04:58PM by imaworkinonit.

I need to start thinking the way you just described! What happens is I internalize how I am feeling and know what's happening is terrible, but I forget to put it into words to fully acknowledge what is going on. Seeing the words is just as important. The reality is, while they don't intentionally try to hurt me, they don't understand how unfair they are being. But regardless of intentions, it is still wrong and should not be tolerated. I've gotten much better at speaking up. I'm learning to handle the, uh, very extreme reactions better too. That lesson is slowly coming around.

I ended at least one friendship on the front end of my departure over this issue: They could talk on and on about the bullshit happening in TSCC, but I couldn't say anything to the contrary without being shutdown.

Many a time I was actually told "you don't believe that." I wanted to punch the guy in the face!

I went from being labeled lazy, weak, and offended while inactive to being labeled evil, scary, and anti as a resigned Mormon. Now I am basically shunned. If you go back to activity you will be a less than stellar member and judged for having once been lapsed. You can't win on this topic. However, you will feel better about yourself and much more honest if you resign. At least that's how I now feel. I think I also feel less anger, more pity, and probably a little more superior after resigning.

you are not inactive.
you are less active.

When I was inactive, I was a project. The neighbors would yell HOWDY when they'd see me, or stop by with all manner of cookies. My VT came every month for years and parked her ass on my couch because she 1) liked me and 2) it was nice for her to get away from her loud, messy brood at home.

When I was no longer project material and officially resigned, it was like I grew horns and a third eyeball. The neighbors stopped waving. If they saw me in a store or a restaurant, they RAN like I had a gun or farted or something.

It didn't help that the VT left the cult. I had zero to do with THAT. When she resigned, she stopped parking herself at my house for hours on end.

Ugh, Happy Trails. I don't miss any of them.

It can be empowering to resign if you have a darn good reason to. I did because I am gay and absolutely refused to having my name counted in an organization that is so incredibly anti-LGBT. Also, like some have said above, keeps people from turning you into a 'lost sheep' project.

Who leaves who? If members left if or when the spirit left, or never came or manifested, or you found the church not standing beside you (when it said it would or should have) or you caught it lying, cheating, stealing, back-stabbing, etc., it would be correctly assumed the "church" left the people. That is the case here. Instead of left, maybe you right.

LDSpeak

"Active" (really "inaction") = throwing time away with endless, pointless and spiritless church ACTIVitiEs, reading restrictive scripts, practicing plain prairs, editing out nonsense at eternal conferences or "clapping in our pants" at the latest OWLs (old whiner "leaders": except owls are known to be smart, unlike an old fart) or filtering the dirt from the latest wart gossip.

"Inactivity" = doing anything else, like having "a life", interests, hobbies, pursuits, "FAMILIES", plans, needs, cares, better things to do [than work for the man, Joseph'sMYTH, and his CF/ LDSinc.]! (ask if you need to and I'll spell that one out)... preferences... morals!

"Follow us or else!" DANGIT
Even though we are going nowhere, or,
We don't know where (the HELL) we're going, or both!

M@t

You are actually quite active now that the opportunity to live the full measure of your existence has been opened to you. For example, exercising your agency is an active process. Pray, pay, and obey takes little effort and at best offers a slow and dreary slog through life. Without the church checklist you also get the opportunity to choose to actively live in the precious present.

Once in awhile I go to church with DW. Several members always approach me with a "good to see you coming back" - I assume thinking that I might consider becoming a regular again. I just smile and say "it is good to see you and everyone in the ward".

Bottom line. I am much more active living my life than I ever was a TBM.

yah, in a MORmON context, being inactive means that you are considered to be uncommitted, lazy, and weak and perhaps petty and indignant. Resigning, especially with stated negative sentiment means that you are Evil and Satanic.

If we don't respect TBM's, why do we care what they think of us?