Just curious to see how my list compares to all yalls...

- Transferring out of BYU to a less prestigious university; losing credits and having to retake credits; delayed graduation

- Not interacting with (most) mission friends anymore; losing my social support system in general

- 1 yr postponed dating life

- My future kids not being part of celebrated milestones like baby blessing, baptism, temple marriage, with no replacement

- Hard-to-explain 2 year gap in resume

I lost all of my Mormon friends, but that was a small sacrifice for my 10% raise, fun Sundays, and a reduction in guilt.

We had to give up:

Lifelong friends
Dad
Siblings
Friends
Neighbors
Disinvited from neighborhood parties
kids friends
kids gave up cousins who would not play if you didn't go to church.
Kids neighborhood friends would no longer play with them
Dad married mother in law. My kids are their own cousins. I have a sister-wife...literally. We were first invited, then disinvited to wedding.
I was kicked out of the stake house after shaming the stake pres and area authoritah. More than two years later, I was dragged back in to be excommunicated/socially shamed and made an "example of".
Disappointed kids.
Had to sell home to get away from it all.
Sacificed future family memories/reunions/future.
Forced/shamed out of job.
Social shaming at fathers funeral...forbidden by cult leaders to speak. Enforced by zombie family members.
Kids written out of family trust unless they go on missions.
Wife written out of will. An unsigned draft will that cut me off.

BELIEVE ME...it would have been A LOT easier just to say we believed or just went along...but I/We JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

Fucking cult.

I'm right there with you brother (and I mean brother in the real sense of bonding).

I don't think of the negatives any longer. I think of what I've gained.

I can now honestly say that how I think and act is congruent with the person I tell people that I am. I'm real. Authentic.

I'm me.

that leaving the church was nothing. Most of my family was already out. We were raised mormons, but my father wasn't very active. He was never what you'd call TBM.

I had already lost my marriage (you've read parts of my story on one of your threads). My life was in shambles in almost every way you can imagine.

Now, I am in a relationship with the nonmormon guy I wish I had married at age 20 (for 11 years now). Finances are much better. I wasn't cut out of the will like others post about. My parents loved us all, even though they weren't perfect parents. I hate it when people act as though their parents were perfect. Mine were far from perfect, but they loved us. They raised good, hard-working children and most of us have rejected mormonism. My daughter is the only TBM of all grandchildren or great-grandchildren.

That is what I've lost. MOST of the problems I have with my daughter are over mormonism. Not all of them, though. We still had our issues, but not many. She sees me as a failure for not saving her father from being gay and for other things that happened during the bad years, though she doesn't see her father as a failure even if he left us and he is gay. I don't want her to either, but I find it ironic. That has been the most difficult part. My daughter was anti-mormon for many years and went back 9 years ago.

I gained a lot more than I lost. As I look back, losing mormonism was a HUGE PLUS. Losing my marriage, losing my parents, losing my dogs was by far more difficult than losing my religion.

I got out earlier than most so the damage was less than some.

I lost every significant social connection I had growing up: parents, siblings, grandparents, great grandmother, friends, cousins, aunts, and uncles.

It didn't happen overnight but steadily as they gave up on "bringing me back to the fold".

Was it worth it, Hell YES!!!

I made new friends, gained new family from marrying a nevermo and I have a very happy life.

I think my biggest loss was the relationships with my 3 TBM siblings and what was left of my relationship with my TBM father.

Didn't have much of one with my father in the first place because he was so TBM. Don't have one now with my TBM siblings because I'm not.

Other than that, leaving was a total gain for me.

As it turns out...nothing.

I *thought* I had to sacrifice a lot. Friends, family, support, community, etc.

And then I made new friends. Some of the old ones (very few, but some) still wanted to be friends. Most family grudgingly accepted me. I found a new community and support. I found better ways of making moral decision than "because the prophet says so."

So in the end, I didn't sacrifice anything. I thought I'd have to...but I didn't lose anything but fake friends, family without love, and judgmental, narcissistic people who wanted me to not think and simply obey. I lost nothing of value. :)

Amen.

Most of my losses were superficial relationships, and emotional crutches to begin with.

I lost the approval of extended family and connection to my Mormon community. And that was hard for me. Because I lived off of approval.

I lost God, and his help. Or imagining that He was there for me.

I lost connection to some LDS friends and family who I don't relate to anymore.

It probably slowed me down a bit professionally, but I've got sufficient for my needs ;-).

I've had to let go of easy answers. But that's a good thing.

Sometimes I do feel a bit like odd man out in my LDS neighborhood. But there is a vibrant exmo community and there are some really cool people. As an exmo in Utah, you have to get out there and find your 'people'. And when you do find them, they are authentic and accepting.

Did I mention AUTHENTIC?

Nothing really.

The hiring manager at the company I applied to was LDS so easy to explain the 2-year gap, and probably got me the job (even though I was out I didn't tell him that)

Never got along with mormons so didn't lose any friends.

Didn't enjoy dating mormon girls so didn't mess up the dating scene.

Most of my family is non-lds so they were happy.

Didn't care that my lds family was devastated. It's my life, not theirs.

And not long after I found RfM which has been the only therapy I'll ever need!

I sacrificed anxiety, feelings of unworthiness, my ability to keep a facade up, and a talent for claiming things to be true when I had no proof they were.

I really miss those things.

Luckily I instantly found coffee, wine, true friendships, and best of all . . .myself. I found exploration is more fulfilling than "Knowing."

So you put all the sacrificed part on one side of the scale and what I gained on the other and the "what I gained side" plopped to the table so fast that it shot all the other into the stratosphere. Of, course, coffee alone would have sent that all into the great beyond all on its own.

There was much more true family joy after leaving. I wouldn't call that a sacrifice. It's more of a blessing.

I lost respect from 10 or our 12 children and risked losing my marriage. I lost being present for the weddings of two daughters. But I gained self-respect. The two daughters who had left went through agony and I had not realized it but had only silently cheered them for their courage and they stand with me.

Nobody noticed I was gone. So for me it was nothing.
like a cipher in the snow.

Everyone in my family, except for my brother, Jeff.

It was a total shock to me when some of the people I thought I had a good relationship with no longer were friends when I questioned the Mormon Church. I thought they would have an interest, you know, because I had an interest and we were friends and that is what friends do.

I found out differently. The Mormon Church/Cult holds the trump card for a lot of its members.

Not a goddamn thing.

I sacrificed nothing and gained the world.


It was a beautiful thing, still is.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2016 07:36PM by saucie.

Marriage

respect of parents

BYU a prestigious university? Bahaha!!!

Very little compared to a lot of people here. It cost me a few friendships with second-tier friends and the occasional awkward interaction when I run into former ward members in the store or at my children's activities at school. I sacrificed the comfort of having all of the answers to big questions of life.

But the biggest sacrifices by far were made for the cult. I gained far more than I lost by leaving. The sacrifice of leaving the cult was like the sacrifice of leaving behind a heavy coat in the tropics.

I 'sacrificed' becoming a priest.
I am a teacher.

Sounds better to me!

The sacrifice would have been staying in the church, dis-serving a mission (impossible), marrying the church (and one of her poor unfortunate girls) and missing out on millions of experiences, opportunities possibilities and personalities.

Outside the lds 'church' is clean and beautiful; inside one is rank and file delusions and deluded.

It who would have been a sacrifice to stay in any longer than 'the teenage years', which were forced!

My marriage. It wasn't great before I took off my garments and refused callings, but my break from the church made it impossible for my TBM wife to even like me.

I'm the enemy.

My sons are grown now but my wife has admitted to deliberately trying to sabotage me to them over the years. If I was right about other things, they might listen to me about the church.

Hmmm. Can't think of a thing I had to sacrifice -- it was all about what I gained. It was about taking my power back and owning it and being authentic.

Some relationships changed some what , but they made the decision to cut me off not the other way around. I don't care if they don't want to be friends with me on FB anyhow~! :-)

I gained my honest freedom and ownership of my time and everything else in my life: what I ate, what I wore, how I spent my money, and on and on.

My relationship with my husband took a little different turn, but it was not damaged.

I've lived with no need for regret or shame or fear. I took people out of my life that thought they had some authority over me. That was all a great plus.

I count myself one of the lucky-ones as I gained so much more than anything I lost leaving the LDS Church.

Now, all of my immediate family is out and doing well.

I lost my immediate family and my marriage, and my social support network

I had to give up acting like a MORON! now people in the family may not like me......Big loss, NOT! I don't want to be in a family of brainwashed MORONS!

I was young (18) when I left, and I came from a less active family anyway, so I didn't lose all too much.

I lost the built-in support system and community, although it had been starting to fall apart anyway.

Most of my TBM friends continued to accept me after I left, but nothing was quite the same as it had been before.

Sacrifice?

Let the Church keep its filthy lucre. I got my soul back.

-Lost Mormon friends.

-Strained relationship with spouse.

-Having relatives warn their kids about me being under Satan's inlfuence.

But gained many things:

-An extra free day on the weekend.

-Redirected many thousands of $/yr in tithing funds.

-Freedom.

relationships, what there was of them. Not much actually. just superficial .