Finally opening eyes to truth. It's been two weeks without having attended meetings or any activity. TBM friend stopped by again yesterday (bought me care package). I believe she cares in a 'means well' sense, but finding it difficult to relate with her without residual feeling of her having an alternative motive.

The senior ward missionaries are visiting my work today. We've spent christmas together. My family (non memebers) communication has been dysfunctional when i became a TBM. Other members usually take me in for holidays. Needing validation to damage those relationships

There is plenty of support here and out there. When one relationship ends there is room for others to start. I've started over from scratch several times. Trust me it is not easy but it gets better.

Go back to your non-member family members, admit that you've learned the truth and apologize for your blindness. It will be brutally hard but if the relationship is strained because of the church this can help mend some fences.

Yes, It's nice to have people you can relate to when going through these exasperating times. We're here for you. This site has helped me many times to feel validated. Good luck on your road to truth.

Thank you. Good advice :) i will seriously consider it

Non work related visits at work (except perhaps to meet for lunch during the lunch break) are just not appropriate.

You are vague about the damage to your previous relationships when you joined the mormons. How much of that damage did you do yourself through self righteousness, etc? Knowing that would better guide how best to repair those relationships.

"Needing validation to damage those relationships"

Are you damaging the relationships with TBM's or is your relationships with TBM's gong to be damaged by your non-belief/participation in Mormonism?

BIG difference.

It won't be easy but better relationships are on the way. It may be a bit humbling but try rekindling with Non-member family and don't be shy about saying how blind you were.

Trust me. We were all blind and it was 90% the institutions fault. Not yours.

Welcome to the real world!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2016 01:38PM by AmIDarkNow?.

I will try this method. It was from my own self rightousness that may have driven family away.

My relationships with TBM will hbe damaged by my non belief. Feels like a responsibility to believe for them (i know it sounds wrong but my heart feels this way)

If you damaged the relationships through your self righteousness, you are in a better position to fix things than you think. You were probably very difficult to be around and put up with. So, they probably just drifted away. If you were particularly offensive to someone, then that will have to be apologized for.

But you were the problem. That means that you can be the solution. Your relatives probably want a relationship with you but not with the Mormon harpy that you had become. Approach people in person. Blurt out early that you aren't a Mormon any more if you see them trying to disengage right from the start. Tell them you are sorry for be a self righteous pain in the ass and you aren't sure what got into you.

In the long run, your family may laugh (not in a bad way) about you being the one that ran off to become a Mormon for a while.

As for the Mormons. You'll find out soon enough that those relationships are mostly not real and woudn't survive your moving out of the ward boundaries, let alone quitting the church. Easy come, easy go.

Your relationships are not being damaged. They are in flux and they are morphing. Some are growing, some are shrinking. It's the stagnant ones that I don't like.

Your non-Mormon family will be happy to hear you are out I bet. I would get to know them. Like AmIDarkNow? says, be up front. You can even make it funny if you want. Trade on it. I do with my nonMormon friends. Maybe you didn't have to part the Red Sea to do it, but you still escaped bondage. Have fun with it.

The change is good. The TBMs who stay in your life will have to work harder to have a more deeply sincere relationship with you that is not predicated on church, callings, and worthiness.

You will see a tendency for conversations to veer toward the weather. Don't settle for this. I constantly before visiting my family searched for articles in papers and magazines to introduce to the conversation. At first they would just guide the conversation back to church and callings. When they saw me disengage, they would work harder to volley back my attempts at normal conversation.

Many of my relationships with TBMs improved and they started to see me for me and not as an extension of their religion or a lost sheep needing to be brought back to the fold.

Except of course my mother. Weather/Health/Church. Period. She doesn't know what she's missing.

If your belief in the Church is the entire basis for a friendship, it isn't a real friendship. I am learning that the hard way right now. But the people that loved me all along still love me.
You will see that the world has plenty of genuine, loving people who will love you as you change and evolve (as we all do).
For now, you can at least find support here.

I'm so sorry that you may feel unloved in this transition. It is because of their issues, not yours.

On a good note, I could see your family relationships greatly improving!

Thanks for support and solid advice. It does feel like different real world. No more fairy tale or simple answers

"It does feel like different real world. No more fairy tale or simple answers"

Leaving the fairytale behind at first is terrifying. Then as time passes, you look back and are amazed at all you've accomplished without it. The best part is that instead of putting all the credit onto a mythological being, you get it.

You're moving through life and feeling you can't find solid ground.

Leaving the Mormon church almost always damages relationships that are primarily based on church activities and belief.

Once you find your land feet you'll be ready to give up some fake friendships and connect with real friends old or new.

In the meantime stay strong and know you're not alone.

Many on this board have walked through the challenging circumstances in which you find yourself. My husband and I went to dinner the other night with a former missionary companion and his wife. During the course of the conversation they made references to " people who have fallen away and have become inactive,"(gasp) We have learned that when we are with TBM's that we don't have to explain ourselves or out ourselves. We do not owe anyone an explanation, anymore than people who choose to stay TBM need to explain their position to us. I felt a tendency when I was first out, to try and find understanding among TBM's. That will not happen, so come here and get the support you need to make the transition from the craziness that is Mormonism.

You're not damaging relationships. You're moving on. Transitions and progression are a natural part of life. Some are exciting, some are difficult, and many are both.

Why are senior missionaries visiting your workplace? That seems inappropriate to say the least. You can just say no to these intrusions. You're entitled to your privacy and to have your decisions respected. Don't let these people push you around - that is what they are doing when they insist on showing up uninvited. Past friendship or association is no excuse for overrunning your current decisions and
boundaries.

No advice. Topping for others.