Went to church Easter Sunday with family, and there was a family of four (rare, I know--they probably needed church "assistance") that was just baptized that was confirmed in Sacrament meeting.

Anyway, during the Dad's confirmation, the guy doing it suddenly said, "Now (Dad's name)--a warning to you. I warn you that Satan is not done with you yet. He will continue to tempt you, and blah, blah, blah..."

Anyway, interesting to note how early the scare tactics start nowadays. Used to be, you only felt like crap or scared after GC or a SP/Bishop interview--now it's right after you're baptized!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oops....sorry....that Satan story scares me every time I hear it. Now I'm going to have to sleep with the lights on....

and how would you know the difference...

in a week or two, the family will get the internet reconnected, and quit the church.
The ward members will say (in hushed tones)--well, they were warned, Satan was out to get them.
Amazing! explaining why converts drop out BEFORE it happens

The family recently went through a crisis. Daddy went and had an affair. The entire family was devastated. The secretary dumped dear old dad so he came crawling back to his wife. Cue knocking of the missionaries. Daddy now has a testimonkey that the missionaries stepped in just in time to salvage the broken pieces of the family he almost destroyed with his evil carnal sins.

After confessing all to the bishop, then the SP, daddy was baptized. Dude doing the confirming wanted to throw in his two cents' worth of guilt so that the next time Dad slips up, he can say, "I told you so."

The End

I keep trying to summon Satan, or one of his minions. They never seem to heed my invitation. How, exactly, is this done? I'd sure like some bona fide proof that Satan exists.

You need to attend my husband's ward - he's currently serving as bishop there. He usually has a minion or two there with him on the stand but I think he calls them counselors or something.

Seriously though - the reason Satan isn't done with this guy yet is because he went and became a MORMON. That's a hell on earth if ever there was one.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/players/666

However, last I heard he was back in Eastern Europe.

Some TBMs seem to really latch onto the "Satan is after you" thing. We did it as missionaries. The investigators didn't find it very amusing. Lucky for them!

My TBM loved to talk about the dangers of Satan. His blabbering was not directed to anyone in particular, he would just do it, as the family patriarch, ramdomly at family events. As the years went on and I had long been out as gay and resigned, he went on the "Satan" tangent one more time. Finally, I cut him off and said, "DAD!! You know I've been gay and out of the church for years. Has Satan taken over my life? Am I a deranged, drug-addicted, murderous evildoer because I followed Satan?" Don't think so! He shut up.

Is he willing to let me enjoy the sanctity of my own home without endless VT's and HT's knocking on my door? How does he feel about the smell of freshly ground coffee brewing, some nice hot tea with biscuits, a cold frosty beer, or a lovely pinot noir? How about the odd festive margarita? -- especially if it has some salt around the rim of the glass? Is he okay with me sleeping in on Sundays? Watching R-rated movies? The occasional bout of skinny-dipping? Wearing sleeveless shirts and spaghetti straps? Engaging in a non-church sanctioned romp in the hay?

If he wants me to show up for some super-insider, freak show ceremony, would he settle for a midnight viewing of, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"? Complete with props and audience participation?

Most of all, how are his cookies? I'm picturing warm, gooey chocolate chippers fresh from the oven. Mmmm.

I'm thinking that maybe I can do business with this fellow! :o)

He doesn't demand obediance, wanting to be worshipped all the time. He thinks his Elder Mormon Jesus Brother is a douche and dad is an over the top discplinarian.

He just wants to be like Spicolli and party all the time. Hell, I would invite him over if he showed up.

Don't you know, "Satan" was the reason I changed my mind and backed out the 2nd time. That's what I was told anyways.

deb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Don't you know, "Satan" was the reason I changed
> my mind and backed out the 2nd time. That's what I
> was told anyways.

Really???

I know you say this tongue-in-cheek but don't you on another level, find it offensive that when you exercise your own free will...it's all the DEVIL'S fault??

To mormons...your own free will has to agree completely with theirs'...or you're possessed...

Then, in a conspriatorial tone, "Have you two been talking again?"

Our dentist's son was warned to stay in the church.

If he didn't, then all his converts in South America would also fall away. Go figure LOL.

They probably all fell away before his plane even touched down in Los Angeles.

I was given a good guilt-trip blessing once. It went something like, "You were a valiant and noble warrior in the War in Heaven. Heavenly Father doesn't want you to become weak and fall, because he will need you to serve again in the final war against Lucifer." Something like that anyway.

In another blessing I was told that I was one of the noble and great ones seen in Abraham's vision.

They're crazy. On one hand, they tell you that you're the elite, and on the other they guilt-trip you with every chance they get.

I've heard about some of the "blessings". Of course, not until y'all answered the questions.

After this he will have much more work for you to do

Better be on guard and follow what the Priesthood leaders tell you to do. watch out for porn too. Avoid even the appearance of evil in every way. No more coffee!

It's for your own good.

Now get out your checkbook and write your tithing check.

Welcome.

Duh...

I think I got it a few months after I converted. Saying I was one of the chosen valiant spirits - blah blah blah- then "do not let down your guard! Because you were chosen, Satan knows you well and will do everything in his power to lead you astray."

It worked for quite a while.

it said I would have my calling and election made sure. Doh!

My TBM parents behaved as though they had special powers to see into the future--and their predictions for us children were never positive. "You will go to the Devil!" was one of the family favorites. "You'll pay for this! God will punish you." I did often confuse the Morgod with Satan.

Almost all these nasty threats were a manipulation to force us children to be good Mormons. I never did anything wrong in school or in society or with my friends, etc. The "evil" was always in context with the cult--some little petty rule I overlooked. My greatest sins were: 1) being late for church meetings, 2) asking questions, 3) saying no 4) not doing my chores perfectly.

This excessive criticism was accompanied by name-calling ("Goddamned Brat", "Slob"), spankings/beatings, public humiliation, and shunning (the silent treatment).

Combine the threat of damnation with perfectionism, and you get the hopeless "damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't" view of life.

My miserable TBM siblings were all older, and they all followed my parents' example, and were nasty and abusive to me. Somehow, I realized that in order to survive, I had to leave home. I was the only sibling to hold down a job, and support my family, and not harm others.

"Satan is not done with you yet" is a very HATEFUL thing to say to someone! Why does the Mormon "church" get away with this?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/07/2011 01:16PM by forestpal.