In the church, even though I was more "righteous" than most of the Mormon I know, I was never good enough to be a worthy or worthwhile human being. Now that I am older, I can see that there was nothing wrong with me. In fact, my life held a lot of promise that I was discoursged from developing as a Mormon woman. Just meant to stay home. Now, that I am an exmo, I have dealt with the dumping and shunning of family I never saw or was not good enough...rich enough...for anyways. Plus, the odd problem of neighbors gossip that s not even true. Dumping follows...fear in the eyes of people I used to talk to. Until, they are assigned me. Followed with a plate of bring her back to God cookies. This silly display is not the root problem. Its the horrible things that have been assumed about me as a human being that really are changing who I am. I am not as friendly or kind. I am more likely to say "go to hell"as anything. I feel more negative more judged and more alone in this world. And I am tired. Not sure how to deal with it any better. Tired of trying to be living and caring towards people who never really gave s shit about me anyways.

It helps if they move far away and limit communication. I think it's almost impossible to feel gratified and successful as an exmo while putting up with TBMs who constantly harass, shun and degrade everyone who isn't part of their cult.

I am thinking this more and more. Maybe, there are some who just can't stay and live among them.

What would happen if you shunned them, and let them know why?

I hate to think of myself as a shunning mean person. But, yes. recently I did take that stance. He stood there looking at me shocked. And that was it. I no longer accept idiots!"

You don't have to be nice or kind in your treatment to those who have shunned you, ostracised or otherwise labeled you an apostate.

Give them the cold shoulder. Tell them to go to hell, at least in your mind. You don't have to say it out loud to think it.

I learned how to be a snob at the Mormon church, of all places. That was where I encountered snobs so the only way I could learn to deal with them was to be a snob back. And that was before I left the church and rejected its teachings.

If someone snubs you, you owe them zilch, nothing.

I worked with a female attorney who was one of the nicest people I've ever known, now deceased. She used to tell me how she toughened herself up each morning to meet the day in her profession was to look herself in the mirror and practice saying "F*ck you" over and over with grit and resolve.

It helped her deal with tough as nail attorneys.

Everyone who worked with her loved her because she was so caring. But when she needed to be she was tough as nails.

You can be too, it just takes practice and resolve.

Perhaps you are using a full spectrum of emotions for the first time ever. Your negative feelings have been unshackled and are new and strange now that they have joined the party. As you get used to the new life you have, your thoughts and feelings about many things will be all over the place but eventually swing back to a happy medium.

Don't avoid the negative, embrace it and learn how to use it to your advantage as you explore your new life on your own terms.

Say what you really mean but employ diplomacy. Don't take the high road, take the honest road. This was very hard for me when I left Mormonism.

This is a very valuable lesson I learned after years of being the good kid growing up. Always be respectful, never talk back, don't fight back, don't be mean to your sisters, etc.

However, all of that makes you targets for those who weren't taught to be "good kids"; or from sisters who knew they could torment me all they wanted because our parents would punish me if I ever retaliated.

One of the primary results was that it left me bitter and angry internally, for I was never allowed to express it externally. But that's not to say I didn't explode every now and then. I didn't allow myself a safety valve for the pressure that was always building up.

It wasn't until I was out of the house and on my own before learned to manage those negative feelings without blowing up. And it wasn't about ignoring them or forcing them down, but acknowledging them and understanding why they were there.

I learned I could still express my anger; without losing control and with even more diplomacy than I ever thought I was capable of when I was younger.

You have a right to be a SOB because it's part of being human.

The craziest part is that it's not about you, it's about them, but they put it all on you. It's just like a certain dirty rotten scoundrel who lived in the 19th century.

The only thing I miss about Mormonism is getting turned on by bare shoulders.

The shunning is insidious. In that it can be so subtle. Just walking another way to avoid your house, or smiling politely while giving each other that knowing look about how you are now an evil "apostate." Or, it can be so in your face with accompanying comments about how somehow the end of this relationship is all your, the apostates fault. Even though, it is the mormon who is dumping, shunning and leaving!

And then, when the plates of brownies of love show up at your door, that is insidious too. It is often accompanied by words of praise for the spirit that they feel in bringing you these brownies! And then here comes their advice on how you must have lost your testimony or you must be lacking in some way for this to happen. But, you can come back! Because, they "love you" and have brought brownies. And they did this because suddenly they felt Gods love for you! <<And were told by the bishop to do it.>> ;-) It's all right now for you! They will sit by you if you are lonely. Even though, the next week after that, they won't remember you or your name. And barely remember that it was you that they shunned last month. But, Gods love has helped them forget the shunning! ;-)And Gods love can help you forget that too! NOT!