For the last year during my exit, I was bombarded by my bishop and lots of members from the ward. The Bishop would call every other month (sometimes more often) and say in his messages "just checking in!" WTF? Does he think he is my dad or something? I never answer my phone when he calls, and yet he just keeps on calling. So I finally told him to put us on the do-not-contact list, after I already told him for months I needed space and please leave us alone...then he tried using the old "you're breaking my heart" bull on me. Why the hell do members think they can just push their way into other families lives? So many TBM are manipulative and only have "in-actives" as a project in mind, not being your true friend. I had to tell the sister missionaries off months ago because they were showing up unannounced at my door 2-3 times A WEEK. I had a baby last year, and didn't tell the RS pres what day or hospital I was delivering at (I hadn't seen her in months)...She works at the same hospital but in a completely different wing. My husband and I had the hospital put us as private so no one could just show up. Guess who looked up our info in the system? The relief society pres showed up KNOCKING on my hospital room door while I was in the shower. My nurse answered and asked how she knew we were there, then she sent her away and wouldn't let her in thank god. NO RESPECT for personal boundaries!!!! The manager of the delivery wing came in and talked to us and said they would take care of the problem of her violating the system and our privacy. I am seriously DONE with anyone I know from church. They've all been so pushy, rude and manipulative. I have blocked all of their numbers in my phone because I just don't want to even know that they are still trying. I am trying to decide on removing my name from the church, and so is my DH. I am SO glad my kids are too young to know anything about TSCC so I don't have to un-brainwash them.

That visit to your hospital room is over-the-top wrong!

I'm only mildly active--I still attend the SM, I still have friends there, and we feed the mishies occasionally. Of course, I've felt the pushing, the cajoling, the clever linguistic snares trying to pull me back into the deep end.

I try to make a game of it. It's like a treasure hunt: how many attempts to rope me back in will I sense this week? Who will be the next to send an email, send a message through the Mrs., or stop me in the street to remind me (sternly) about such-and-such a meeting that I "need" to attend, as part of my "responsibilities" as a member of the "priesthood." (Seriously: if I'm a priest, the Mormons are in worse shape than anyone thinks!)

Every time I say no, it gets easier for me and harder for them.

What's to decide about removing your name? It could help.

It doesn't ALWAYS stop the problem, but it won't hurt. We had ours notarized so they'd know it was us for sure. There was still one visit to verify we sent it.

You are spot on about the manipulation. Just call them on out on their concern. That have no legitimate reason to BE concerned about your life. Tell them to mind their OWN concerns.

One positive thing: The RS president violation I believe leaves the hospital open for a lawsuit. I think it violates federal privacy laws (HIPAA). That RS president could have been terminated on the spot for that one. The rest of the hospital also probably got a very strongly worded memo about proper use of hospital records. This is not a minor issue under U.S. law. They are ridiculously serious about it as there is very big fines for the hospital if they don't.

As for getting rid of the harassment, it will likely never stop as long as your name is on the records. They will just keep coming. Even after you resign they still might bother you for a while. Especially if you remain in the same location.

They ignored my resignation for over 10 years and kept bothering me (parents kept them up to date on my address). I told every one of them the same thing. Do not visit me again. I resigned in August 2000. They ignored me for over 10 years until I finally threatened a bishop directly with legal action.

Mark Naugle's website (quit mormon) is offering free lawyer based resignation. It gets rid of the "local ecclesiastical matter" letter that will have your bishop thinking he has power to make any decisions.

Yeah you're right, I've thought about how she was most likely fired over it. The hospital sent us a letter after saying they care about our privacy and took care of the problem...so I'm guessing she was terminated? It's awkward because she lives down the street. That's awful that even removing your name they still kept pushing! That's part of the reason why I am not sure about removing mine, it might make me even more upset that even after that they wouldn't mind my space. Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it! I will look into that lawyer if I decide to remove it!

"It's awkward because she lives down the street."

Awkward for who? I hope you don't feel awkward on her behalf. Let HER carry that burden. It's certainly not your problem. Hopefully she learned something about boundaries.

You did nothing wrong; she did, and if she was fired, was fired because she violated hospital information security, and further, acted on that ill-gotten information. It's a shame she added stress to an already stressful situation.

HIPPA concerns the unauthorized distrubution or use of confidential information, resulting in a real harm to the owner of that information. I'm not an attorney, but that's my understanding of it. Her looking you up was a policy violation, but acting to personally violate your privacy was what would have gotten her fired.

You should add expiration dates when signing medical authorizations - I typically write "This authorization expires one year from today, mm/dd/yy." Some forms even include an expiration clause. I also mark NO to third-party distribution.

Most employers give warnings and follow several steps of discipline before someone is terminated.

In any case, you did the hospital and the patients there a service by bringing this problem up with those in charge. Were I patient there, I'd appreciate your effort.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2016 11:30AM by Cheryl.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2016 01:56PM by Dave the Atheist.

Mormonism/cult = manipulation + lack of boundaries

Do not be afraid to call them out on these two things as it comes with the package deal of indoctrination. This indoctrination tells the members they are god's 'most special' representatives on earth giving them the right to get into and run everyone else's business while ignoring their own.

Tell the bishop:

"Sir, you and your lackeys are harassing me! Put a stop to it! If it happens again, I'll go to the police station and demand to file a report. You and half the ward will receive copies in your mailboxes. Goodbye."

Hang up the phone or close the door.

I HATE religious nuts showing up uninvited if I'm ill or as in your recovering from childbirth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2016 11:28AM by Cheryl.

Whatever happened to the RS prez was a good thing. It's not like she was going to evaluate her behavior of her own volition.

When I was TBM, I was a grade A arsehole. As was the experience of many people on this board. Yup, a self-sabotaging, self-manipulating dickweed. But I got over it. And, I recognized how the church made me that way.

Of course, with the solution that problem came another problem. How to empathize with the plight of the poor slobs mired in this awful church, given what I now know about the scope of said depravity. I walked a mile in their shoes, but they still drive me crazy. But I know that problem will eventually be solved. I have faith in me.

Thank you everyone for your input and support. From the beginning of that pregnancy I had the bishop, relief society pres and others from the ward trying to weasel their way into my life and I wanted none of it so I've filtered them out very carefully. It's so awful to see what I used to think was "love and concern" is actually manipulation, stalking, lack of boundaries, etc. The upside is I can now see how horrible TSCC's teachings and influence is and have removed that way of living/thinking from my own life. It feels great to have this site to work these frustrations out on now.

I live in a small town and I had one occasion where I visited the doctor for something (can't remember now), but it wasn't too long after that the Bishop called to see how I was doing. I have noone I told I was ill to except my husband who called the Bishop back and told him to mind his own business.The only way I figure he could have gotten the information was from a nurses aid in the clinic who is in the ward I used to go to.

No boundaries is right. Not only do they not have boundaries, they think they are doing their duty and you will appreciate that they cared so much to let everyone know you are ill.

You have much more patience and tolerance than me. Since my last visit to church, probably 2003-04, I have had only a few instances of anyone from the church contacting me, and two days ago I was contacted for the second time in a year and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I know my TBM mother is sending them my new address with every move and that enough gets my blood boiling. Yes, no boundaries, no respect, no asking "Is this okay with you?" I guess it's all part of the little gods in training bit. I vaguely remember an instance a long time ago when one of the members worked in a hospital and said they would "Just look up" my room number with a little giggle in their voice. That was before HIPAA, but grrrr that would make my claws come out now. Just do what you need to to protect your own sanity. Never even thought these kinds of things would come to legal action. Good luck.