I always find it ironic how quickly the TBMs in my life, those few that remain anyway, freely tell me all the things that I am apparently doing wrong in my life. It starts with the Church, but by extension to all other areas, my personal life, my career, you name it. My life sucks, or so should it in their eyes and they are not afraid to tell me so.

I am a good person and happen to like myself and my life which apparently really bothers these people. All this judgment from TBMs whose own Mormon lives are boring, predictable and not nearly as perfect as they want them to be perceived. But I actually have tact and class, and would never come out and say it, although my buttons are really getting pushed!

Well, you know, living well is the best revenge.

Live well, my friend.

They have no experience with the things they are judging, and can only parrot what they are told to believe.

And their sources of that information are worthless, or should be. Can you imagine one of the Q-dum saying something like, "Yes, I know for a fact that coffee is harmful, why, I drank gallons of the stuff and never felt worse."

or


"When I left the church, gave up all the worldly benefits of being a respected member, I knew that I was a real Son of Darkness. I spent my weekends golfing, bonding with friends and family, travelling with my wife, and, oh!, what I really wanted was to be scrubbing toilets for the Lord! I missed that special smell, I missed feeling like I was never doing enough, but most of all, I missed talking about which members were up to what while feeling for each other's garments!"

"Yes, I can tell you that knowing your options is a waste of life."


TBMs have no idea about things they have never experienced, which fall under the heading, "Freedom."

I don't think it shows tact and class to let people freely tell you how much your life sucks. That's doormat behavior (not that a doormat can't be classy, but it gets worn out after a while ;-)). Been there, done that, and people won't respect you if you do that. And eventually you might get super pissed off and blow your stack at those people, and maybe even destroy the relationship. I've done that, too, although I can't say I regretted it.

I think it shows dignity to stand up for yourself and set some boundaries. Come up with a stock response for them like "I didn't ask for your opinion about my life. Worry about your own life." or "When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."

If you actually care about having a good relationship with these people, it's better to stop their bad behavior before you start hating them.

"I am a good person and happen to like myself and my life which apparently really bothers these people. All this judgment from TBMs whose own Mormon lives are boring, predictable and not nearly as perfect as they want them to be perceived. But I actually have tact and class, and would never come out and say it, although my buttons are really getting pushed!"

I highly recommend you tell them exactly how you feel and add your OWN judgement of their lives.

that I'm sure they still can't figure out why my life is going so well NOW. At first, it seemed as though I was a huge failure as my gay husband (who is very loved in this ward still) left me. They didn't know he was gay. The women were so excited, especially the singles from our singles ward and the divorcees in this ward. There are still some women chasing him (no lie) and we've been "separated" over 20 years. My life was a horrible mess. I must add that when people found out my ex is gay, they felt that he CHOSE to be gay after we went inactive . . . we were one of those cautionary tales.

When the guy I had always wanted to marry came back into my life 11 years ago, the mormon women were just waiting for the relationship to fall apart. My finances have improved significantly. I'm best friends with my ex and we share our home together. I asked my TBM daughter if we confuse the ward and she said that we do.

My life is going so much better than it ever did as a mormon, but there are still people who think I need to go back. You can't win, so there is no point in trying.

I do know that some of the people from my past are envious of my life. Like someone else said, their lives are rather boring. They must have to wait until the next life to prove that I was wrong and they are right.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2016 10:55AM by cl2.

For the most part, mormons have very few boundaries. It seems that in families it will run the gamut from those who have absolutely zero boundaries--everyone's business is their business, (and I mean EVERYONE'S) to ones who are willing to let you live your life and be accepting of you whether they agree with it or not. And just about everything in between.

I have one sibling and his wife who pretty much have always left me alone about the church. They have kids who have left and ones who are very active and I've been impressed at the way they've managed to stay a close family. And I have a sibling and his wife who I really had a lot of animosity from and toward for a number of years, but we have actually apologized to each other and agreed to live our lives without passing judgment on the other. No, we don't agree with each others' philosophies. I hate the cult they're caught up in, and I'm sure they hate that there are people who leave it and publicly dis it, as I will always do. But that is in our separate lives. We don't talk about our religious beliefs to each other. And I've grown to really appreciate the wonderful things they've done for my parents.

What I'm getting to is it takes time to figure out who is worth is and who isn't. You are an adult and you have your own life. And you just don't need to spend years setting yourself up for that judgment. There is nothing wrong with removing yourself permanently from toxic people, whether you share DNA or not.

One comeback I've used successfully is:

"Ok, is it my turn now?" (To tell them what you don't approve of about their lifestyle)

Here's my response: "Is that judgement or jealousy? I can't really tell."

"Is that judgement or jealousy? I can't really tell."

This...