ARKANSAS -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."
This is a work of fiction, created by humorist Elroy Willis. On his site, Religion in the News (a site apparently designed around satirizing all things Christian), Mr. Willis explains that the story was "intended to make a mockery of the ridiculous idea of some rapture where people will supposedly float up into the sky to meet Jesus.
One of the students was going on so much about the rapture that he even annoyed his fellow fundy students. One night the other students in the dorm left little piles of clothes laying around, pajamas in beds, all that, then hid. When the Chosen One woke up he thought everybody in the dorm had been raptured except for him.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2010 06:02PM by Bob T.
I personally love the business idea of pre-arranging to take care of fundy Xtian's pets after they've been raptured. An atheist actually started this business.
Imagine you're a holy fundy, knowing some day you'll be raptured to be in Jesus' presence again. But what happens to your beloved pets that you left behind. For a reasonable fee, you can arrange for a local, dependable and animal-loving atheist to make sure your pet is cared for after the Rapture.