So it has been very strange. So I got in trouble last night with my parents(go figure) because my folks were going through my text messages and they discovered that I used the word "fuck" with my exmo cousin when discussing the issue where Russ Nelson and Tom Monson went and spoke with former dictator Erich Hockener.

This morning my mother told me that her, my father, and I would be having a sit down to write out a "contract" that lets me stay in the home upon turning 18 years old. She also told me that I need to think about what kind of person I want to be, as if I don't.

Honestly I don't want to move back in with my parents when I come home from Alaska. When I come home from Alaska I will have anywhere from 13,000 to 20,000 dollars to my name. I will be attending USU at the Uintah Basin Campus this fall. My grandparents have given me 6,000 dollars for schooling, and I think I can pull off a scholarship or two. I am not sure what college will cost total for an exploratory freshman for a year. I can rent an apartment that is about a mile from the school for 600 dollars a month. Bus fare is a dollar one way in my town, very cheap. I don't know if I can land a job in my town, the economy is very poor. I can live poor. I don't need much. I can eat ramen. I have a 30 dollar cot from walmart to sleep on. I can shop at dollar tree. I need to survive until next June when I can go back to Alaska, with my friend who we will call Charlie. Charlie comes from a home that is even worse than mine. While my parents and I argue constantly, we still love each other. Charlie's parents hate him and willfully abuse him. His mother is a vile bitch. This crazy TBM whore has been through 4 husbands, and uses Charlie as a verbal punching bag. The goal of my friends is to get him the hell out of his household. We are hoping we can both go to Alaska next year and then rent together.

Is there a way to survive until next June? Please help

To survive, you're going to have to play the game, which means doing things to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly!

Hang in there. For some reason, your parents are overly invasive and really overly sensitive and overly controlling.

Time is on your side. If you plan well, work hard, save money and follow the rules of a job, etc. you'll do fine.

I have no idea why they think they have to put such rules on you if you are nearly 18.

When 18, you can make your own choices and hopefully do so with good common sense and not sabotage yourself.

You'll survive by being respectful to your parents at this point.

June as in two months from now, or fourteen months from now?

Yeah, I thought you were 17 now, and close to turning 18 anyway?

Or are you still 17 after returning from Alaska in the summer? And need a place to stay after then?

The same fundamental rule applies - their house, their rules.

Fourteen. I can make it this june, just the year from now part won't be easy. This next year, I am going to be alone. I am the oldest of my group of friends. Charlie will be graduating next may, and then we are going to get him out of his parents' house. He told me he never wants to speak to his family ever again. I love my parents, but his situation is hell.

Moving back in with your parents will be a disaster.

With everything I've read about your situation, they will continually try to control your life and decisions. Do EVERYTHING you can to stay out of their house. You can always find side jobs in between the canning seasons. Anything from painting, to yard work, to petsitting and housesitting to whatever you can find. if you're careful with your earnings from the canning job, you will survive.

I'm telling you from experience, it is NOT in your best interest to live with your parents after you turn 18.

Sign, date and keep original of whatever they want while you're still 17. Your signature is not valid until you are 18. As an adult, you can sign something new or not.

Let them have their small victory to placate them. Might encourage them, though.

You choose whether to honor what you signed at 17, but they choose whether to support you at 18.

WHY would you return to Utah when you leave Alaska, if you are going to support yourself???

I am attending a college here. I know, bad move haha

Spread your wings. Move away from Vernal.

You don't need to leave Utah if you don't want, but why put yourself through the drama of living with your parents?

Problem being this: I feel a special connection to this area. It is my home. My family has lived here for 170 years.

This would be your 170 year home where your lovely emotionally abusive family live, where they want nothing less than to force your square peg shape into their Mormon round hole. All the while thinking God is wishing them to do it, and that they are failures as parents if they do not do.

A problem that you clearly have difficulty navigating.
When learning to keep your mouth shut and not discuss your concerns with Mormonism seem like harsh restrictions.
Where learning not to curse in your monitored electronic communications is a big deal.
Etc, etc, etc....

I'll repeat again, until you get it. Their house, their rules.

Sometimes you have to put that connection aside when your well-being is in the mix.

It was extremely painful for me to move away from home, pretty much permanently, 12 years ago. My hometown leaves its mark on a lot of the natives there and around this time I start getting extremely homesick for months. In the end, though, it was for the best and I got to live all move all over the SW, see Alaska and many other states, and really explore my surroundings and self.

But you have to do what you think is best for yourself, but I'm giving you advice from the same kind of experience I had with my ultra-TBM mom living with her not once, but twice after moving at 18. It will not get better and will probably get even worse.

Things don't change; WE change. -HDT-

Uh huh.

That's all it is, attachment. If you want to go to your ancestral home, why not go live with monkeys in the rainforest? Too far back?

The best thing you can do is break loose from the attachment. Don't worry about next year. Plan for it, sure, but don't waste time and energy on problems that don't yet exist and more likely than not will never exist.

It appears that emotionally speaking, you are the parent in this situation and you have to deal with the children from a position of powerlessness.

You really have to finesse this thing, but I think you can do it.

All this fuss over an F-bomb or two? It sounds like you're well suited to life at sea.

You will have ties to the area whether you live there continuously or not. Nobody can take that away from you!

But you need to get the heck out of your parents' home! You need to put some miles (more than a few!) between their life and yours.

It will be hell if you stay living with them. You will be an adult, but you will be treated like a backward and wayward child. It is difficult for every young adult who tries to live at home and go to school, but most young adults don't have parents who try to control their every thought, their language with peers, everything!

Is there any indication that they won't try to control you within an inch of your life? Do you want to continue to live like that?

You sound like you want to stay in Vernal and living with your parents. That's fine and it can be done. But you're going to have to start taking their rules seriously. Stop doing the things you know they don't want you to do. It's as easy as that if you're determined to stay. So quit being provocative.

Well, maybe develop some options, because once you taste Alaska, you may feel differently. Utah isn't going anywhere - it will be there whenever you want.

Twobits is right.

Don't return to Utah, have an amazing adventure, live someplace new, where Mormons are confused with Amish.

EA, if you are attending college this fall with some money in the bank, then you are *finished* living with your parents when you take off for Alaska. You can simply stay in your college town between terms. I stayed in mine the summer following my junior year. At that point I was ready to fly out of the nest. You should have no trouble finding employment in your college town.

You might consider living with roommates to share expenses. See if you can find some nevermo or exmo roommates. It can be a lot of fun at your age.

Contracts are meant to be negotiated by both sides. Remind your parents of that. Also remind them that your signature is non-binding due to minor age. Negotiate for a contract that is not just one-sided. Tell them you reserve the right to say fuck only when away from the house and never on your phone because they pay the bill. And from now on, lock your goddamn phone.

But Mormons don't do two way contracts. Where both parties get something out of the deal.

It is one way only. Particularly with zealous parents.

Good advice from SusieQ.

You seem to have some good plans. USU is great idea. My nephew went there, after his mission, and he said it wasn't too Mormon-dominated. He discovered The Truth half way through his mission, but didn't come home. He told us that he could not--would not--preach lies that would break up families. He would not knock on doors and tell innocent people that they were "wrong." He graduated from USU, and has a very successful business in SLC. He married a non-Mormon, and they put their children in private schools.

Always remember that the Mormon cult is very, very small. It is a "bully" that demands more importance in your life and your relationships than any organization or job has a right to. Well, it is a cult, after all.

Focus on what you and your parents have in common. Talk about other things. (Why is is church-or-nothing with Mormons.) The outside world is huge! I'm sure you watch other things on TV besides conference. How about politics? If your parents like to debate and argue, you can fight about the elections. LOL. Your vote is SECRET, so they'll never know who you really vote for. Cheer for your favorite ball teams (or they can fight about that, too). Develop other interests, and show your parents a good time, once in a while. They need fun in their life!

I'm new here, so I don't know your situation. If your parents are in your home town, you probably have some old neighborhood friends you can hang out with. You need to find refuge. If you have access to a car, you could drive around and enjoy the scenery and sunshine of Utah, and watch the seasons change. Do volunteer work, if there're no jobs. I used to teach swimming and tennis at a local girl's camp, when I was too young for a real job. It got me away from my abusive Mormon family. Do you like to go camping? Hiking? If you don't have a car, a bicycle can give you a little freedom and space. used to ride my bicycle to the library and read, and take my dog on long walks. Solitude. Distance. Peace.

One year means July 4, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, the sports seasons. Do you ski? When I was being abused, it cheered me up to plan ahead for various celebrations--something fun away from the house. Sometimes my family would be too busy making holiday preparations to pick on me. It won't always be terrible.

Please, do not rebel! That makes things worse. Understand that your parents have been brainwashed in a cult. Try to get along with them, and pity them. I've learned the hard way, not to go against the Mormons! Even your own family can be very nasty. Before I resigned, I made sure I had my degree (BYU), that and my life and my career were in order, and that the cult had no power over me. Don't work for the Mormon church, don't date Mormons, don't give money to or do business with Mormons! For example, you need to make sure the money you earned and your grandparents' money is safe, and in your name only. Congratulations on your success at reaching your educational goals! You seem like an amazing, strong person. Good luck.

Ooops. I thought you meant next June, instead of this coming next June.

Only a few months? It can still feel like forever. Hang on.

As much as the Mormon cult would like to control your mind--evidently, your mind remains free. If you are sitting in a church meeting, let your mind soar! Let it imagine Alaska (It's beautiful!). I used to compose e-mails to my friends, make to-do lists, experiment with recipes in my head. Church was my "thinking time."

Physically, you need to comply, but your mind and heart are your own.

This is going to be a very harsh post, but I have been in your situation, but worse and now I am a mother and I can see a different view point as well.
If you live at their house you need to follow their rules. When I was 18 I was in a similar boat except I was physically abused. at one point my parents were even planning on turning me over to a program through LDS Family Services. A friend of mine was sent sent to a survival boot camp run by a bishop. The other attendees raped her. I know Mormon teenagers who were sent to aversion therapy for being gay. A friend of my brothers who was the son of the stake president was beat up and kicked out of his house at 17 by his dad because he said he wouldn't go on a mission. Your situation could be much worse and other people have made it out. IT GETS BETTER, but you need to help yourself.
There is one answer, one solution, get out of their house. I got a job, a horrible apartment, slept on the floor without a mattress, bought everything at thrift stores and used food banks. Eventually I took out student loans and went to school.
Now I am married, have kids, a great job, own a home. I am happy. I can even say that now I am on good terms with my parents and family. But to do this I had to become independant of them. They provide me with nothing, I am equal not there dependent. I had to make myself change. I had to do the work. You can't make them change.
If you have to stay for a few months, bite your tongue, go to church, stop swearing. At the same time apply for scholarships, get a student loan, prepare to move into dorms at the college, volunteer somewhere so you have experience for your resume. Do what you have to do to get out...then get out.

As a mom it is reasonable for me to set up rules for my minor children. I would take away my child's phone in a heartbeat if she was using it to do something I found objectionable. For example to be discriminatory to gay people or saying racist things. I am against those things and I pay for the phone and Internet. If she refused to join us at family events she would lose privileges that we provide her. We eat together as a family, if she refused and wanted to go to her room we would not feel inclined to reward that behavior. If one of my minor children decided to become a racist, anti-gay, pro-life, believer in patriarchy, I would be sad, scared and disappointed. I wouldn't provide her a computer, cell phone, car, etc to further those causes. If they wanted to stay at my house after they were 18 we would need ground rules. I suspect adult children want to stay at home so they can save money. This means that the parents are paying, the trade off is ground rules. If you don't like it, become independant.

Since you are fourteen you have no options outside of the home unless you take actions that have little probability of succeeding. Honestly going to church knowing it to be a strait up fraud will be useful as an adult since not much in this life is exactly what it seems. You have a great start on life and are already well ahead of most of us. Don't fuck it up, haha, by provoking and antagonizing your parents.

She was answering a question about moving in fourteen months. She's not fourteen years old.

He......

So sorry. I got confused along the way.

its cool

You and your parents need space:

Space for you to become an adult.

Space for your parents to learn to accept you as an adult.

Find yourself a non-mormon roommate/s when you came back from Alaska and live cheaply. It looks like less than $500 if you have a roommate in a two bedroom.

With a bus pass and a bike, you can live off of less than $1000 per month.

When I was in school there was three of us that shared a 2 bedroom. One large room and a small one. I got my own room but it was something like 6'x 8'. We were rarely home at the same time because of girlfriends & school.

In most places you can live with 4 adults in a two bedroom but the local ordinances may be different.

I think until you leave for your job this June, it's best to just lay low and watch your language on your phone. When you get your first paycheck, put it in a new bank account your parents won't know about, since I'm assuming you'll be 18 when you start that job in Alaska. When that job is done, I'd suggest staying in an apartment in the town where you're going to college as there is plenty of student housing in most college towns.

June is coming pretty fast. You can make it until then.

Seriously, think about adoylelb's advide to live in an apt. in town--with roommates if possible. It is cheaper even if it means you have to work out commonsense rules with your roommate.

You will be an adult!

At your age, my friend, if you're not saying fuck, I'd worry about you. Play the game with your parents and feel free to express yourself the way you want here. All of us think you're fuckin' wonderful. The Boner