It seems to me a large number of the active posters are about the same age. The age range seems to me to be 55 years to 70+. For those in this age range the Internet was not available growing up and had to rely on church leaders being truthful. This is the group that believed and finally learned they were lied to as older adults. The truth about Mormonism being available on the Internet is about 10 years old.

Are you in this age group? Are you angry after learning the truth about Mormonism?

Yes, and yes.

Yup, and yup.

I had already figured it out myself before I found anything on the internet. I'm one of the ones who left over life experience. My therapist was an ex-mo, otherwise, I wouldn't have had anyone to really discuss things with although many of my family are out, but most of them just went inactive because they hated the church.

My therapist sent me here. All the history is just icing on the cake. Dealing with the leaders and then having my husband leave me over the gay issues just showed me how wrong they were. It was a gradual process. The temple certainly didn't help. I thought it was hideous and the way the women treated us was ridiculous.

I was relieved to find out the truth about Mormonism. I had carried the huge load of saving my gay husband for so long and I couldn't make sense of the entire situation. I KNEW from the moment he told me he couldn't become straight, but they told me he had to.

NOW OVER THAT, I was angry. The history just showed me I was right without knowing so much of the history. I guess I wasn't as stupid as I thought I was after all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 11:30PM by cl2.

No and no. The truth about religion is that it is a human enterprise. Realizing this sets one free of the make belief that is faith.

68 in three months.

RB

I'm in the 70+ group. When I grew up (before I converted), we didn't have a phone (land line) for a long time, TV came on the scene when I was in high school, no Internet, of course.

It was a time when we were taught to accept what adults told us: school, church, the law, etc. Who would even consider that the information we were given could not be trusted?? It was rare to question an ecclesiastical leader. But I had questions. Didn't get any answers though.

Converting was accepted, at the time, in our little family, as joining another Christian church with the Savior at the head of the church. Nothing unusual about that. I come from a long line of Christian ministers. Was very active in CYF (Christian Youth Fellowship) from age 13 to graduating from high school.

I was never angry about finding out the story wouldn't hold up. I reacted with snickering and chuckling! I knew something was "wrong with the picture" but didn't realize it was Joseph Smith Jr until I did some research and realized there were no golden plates from any angel, the BOM was plagiarized from many other works, the people, places and things, were imaginary. The story of him running through the woods with them with psychics chasing him struck me funny. (The most fun I had was reading B H Roberts .. Comprehensive History of the LDS CHurch.. and my favorite chapter is: "Joseph was not the only psychic in the vicinity of Palmyra"!!

I was more disappointed, frustrated, annoyed with some of the leaders and their ridiculous ideas and terrible treatment than angry while I was a member in the latter years.

So I never went through an angry stage. Not necessary. Being a convert at college age probably helped a lot in that department. I didn't find anythign about religion to be a reason to be angry. The behavior of the members? Yes. They could be very, very disturbing.

It occurred to me that Mormonism was just one of a huge list of long standing religions that are based on metaphysical, supernatural, visionary claims that people believe by faith. The core is almost always the same. The parts are almost always the same: Specific leaders with authority, special writings, specific foods, clothing, music, architecture, etc.

The idea of pleasing a deity and savior in order to live the right kind of life to get some kind of reward in an afterlife has been a way to use religion to control believer's thinking, actions, behavior, dress, what they eat, traditions, rituals etc., for thousands of years. Nothing new about that.

I have maintained that faith is always more powerful than factual evidences of claims. The "spiritual witness" is so strong people have been known to die for those faith based belief throughout history of humanity. No real physical evidence is every necessary.

I never felt I was lied to, as such. I was taught a visionary claim which was not a new idea to me as a convert.
Mormonism is just easier (and smaller) to debunk it's claims as not likely to be factually based. But, that is not the point to the believer. It's the message, the claim by testimony - spiritual witness that holds the emotional bond/attachment for generations.

In this technological age, younger people, in particular, tend to be less interested in faith based claims and more interested in substantial, factually based evidence that will hold up to scrutiny.

I changed my mind about my religious beliefs. We can do that. I find it much more beneficial to take it out of the equation: release myself from it's pseudo power, and use my own good sense and my own brain to determine how I want to live my life. Of course, that is directly opposite to what religion claims a deity and savior want. But I don't care!

The important part, in my view, is to make peace with all of your life. There is no room for negativity for anymore than a minute or so. I've done that. It's great!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 11:46PM by SusieQ#1.

Yes, no(cuz I'm nevermo)

Just turned 58. Yes and Yes

-Dennis

Yes, Yes

yes and yes

si and si

63
Yes

I'm 26. I first found out about this site in 2004, when I was 14 years old.

I've only been posting under this handle for less than 2 years though. However, I have lurked on and off- with off times being as long as 3 or 4 years- since I found out about it.

This site was instrumental in my realizing I wasn't the only one having doubts about mormonism, and finding out some of the really strange shit that went on that no one I knew probably even had heard, or if they had, they would never think to tell anyone about.

Ahhh damn-it... I am hanging out with old folks again. I am 39 here but I got out a long time ago. I guess I feel at home with the old farts.

Then again my life has been a bit heavy on the "life experience" spectrum. The more I experience the more there is I want to see and do.

Yes and yes- going on 57 I refused to look at any thing "anti" until I read the essays- then all deals were off.

I am in this age group, but I didn't learn it from the internet. I learned from a Sunday School teacher who was a convert and didn't know she wasn't supposed to teach that....... [rock in hat translation story]. I was 15 when I actually left but I got the official confirmation that my name was off their rolls in 2010.

I was in my 30s when I started posting here (over 15 years ago). I've met lots of people who have posted here at postmo activities like starbucks meetups and hikes and stuff that we advertised here on the board. Plenty of young people with young kids have shown up to those.

There is a pretty wide range of ages that post here. And I'm in a postmo facebook group with over a thousand members, a lot of them younger than me, but a fair number of people my age. But I don't post to it because even though it's a secret group, nothing on facebook is private.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 04:18AM by Susan I/S.

The only reason that I would want to live in Utah- outside of the beautiful scenery, mountains, etc.- is that I know I would have more support for postmormon activities, instead of just internet stuff. I live in the midwest, and while it's a decent sized city, with a downtown and a metropolitan area with over a million people, there just aren't enough mormons for there to be any kind of ex-mormon support group. I've thought about trying to carve a ex-religion support group out of AA before, but it seems way too antithetical to the tenets of AA to have what amounts to being a 'recovery from religion and addiction' group while attempting to solicit members from AA meetings.

But the online community here is good, for the longest time I was so disconnected I had no idea what was going on with the church except through the filter of my parents-both TBMS. so you know what that sounded like. I kept coming here for so long out of idle curiosity, just wanting to know stuff about other recovering mormons or church history or whatever.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 02:05AM by midwestanon.

There isn't an ex-Mormon meetup where I live in upstate New York either to my knowledge anyway.

I'm looking at retiring to southern Utah. There may be more support there for ex-Mormons like you mention. Utah does have meetups at a minimum. When I visited there last year and visited some local businesses the younger generation in your age range even if they were born/raised LDS didn't dress, act or behave anything at all like they were.

They were more fully Millenials than they were LDS. The 20's something crowd seemed fairly independent of their parents religious upbringing. Though I also saw some FLDS fundies while shopping at Walmart. And they are still backwards, but that has been changing too as more are exiting the FLDS cult nearby by being abandoned or of their own volition because it isn't sustainable way of life for many of those families.

I walked away in my 20s. Al Gore had not yet invented the interwebs.

It would appear I am in the age group you mention.

I'm feeling pretty young here at 24. I was "raised" by abusive people who honestly shouldn't have become parents. I don't think I ever believed of my own volition, but followed along and tried to obey the rules I could to avoid beatings. If I only knew sooner that it was never about anything I'd actually done, but I was a child who believed it when adults said the pain would stop if I wasn't so "wicked" as to cry when smacked. I was trained to believe I was property and didn't deserve to live, let alone ask for anything.

Anyway, I think my anger and pain stems from the control the cult's system gave to my abusers. It protected them, and fostered guilt and self hatred in me, especially when it came to asking for help. People knew, but were urged to leave it alone so as not to break up our "happy forever family". There's a lot of damage done, but I'm glad I was out before getting roped into marriage and having kids. The idea of parenthood doesn't appeal to me, and I don't want to risk repeating the same dysfunction my parents established.

Will be 44 in June.

55
started on my way out, before the interwebs (NMKMH).... but I learnt a lot, lot more about the falsity of the cult, after the interwebs

Also 55 but never been in

48
Sometimes I'm angry, but most of the time just pleased to have put it behind me.

No and No.

Still in my 40's and not angry that I figured it out eventually. More relieved than angry.

I'm in my 30's but yes those on the internet all day playing computer are in retirement age. Many mormons are spending their days indexing on family search.

The baby boomers and the ones a little older really embraced tech where as the greatest generation were extremely technologically impaired. And didn't even own computers.

No, first found the site when I was in my twenties and I'm now in my thirties. =) xxx

I'm in the age group you mentioned.

Didn't find RfM and other ex-Mormon sites until 2015. Been out much longer than that, including before the Internet had cut such a huge swath in its path of Mormon refugees fleeing the religion.

It certainly bolsters the cause, by making all the research and information instantly available. When I did my research it was at a university library in its old books shelves. Books that rarely leave and were already old by the time I found them sitting there.

The people still there are most of them as deceived as we once were. If I am angry it is at their hypocrisy, lies, and stupidity in how they deal with other church members out of smug superiority and self-righteousness. I am angry at their arrogance and for all the damage they cause and then walk away leaving carnage in their wake. The ones who are still Mormons today in positions of authority who rule are not running a church they are running an oligarchy with an iron fist glove.

Cruel on its face. Not humble, saintly, or godly in its approach. The devil is in the details, not God.

I'm pretty active and I'm in my lower 30s.

Edit: Also, not angry at the church after leaving. I continue to be impressed with the business model and their ability to retain membership despite how easy the fraud is to discern.

There was about 5 minutes when I was angry with my mom for indoctinating me, but ultimately I take responsibility for myself. It wasn't long into adulthood that I made my exit, and I never really paid a penny to the church so all in all I'm satisfied with my experience and the things I learned, and I'm now heavily focused on using reason and logic to not be duped again.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 10:52AM by kolobian.

Yeah I'm in that age group. I figured it out by reading books. The internet has given us all a support group that would otherwise be unavailable.

And it is now absolutely amazing how easy it is to get at the truth. Point and click. Even a cave man can do it. I am amazed at the people who remain TBM refuse to believe there is even the remotest possibility that it is all a scam. You have to willfully refuse to know the truth to stay TBM with the internet.

I'm in my 60s, but figured out it was a fraud when I was a BYU grad student in my 30s before the internet took off. I don't think anger is the right word -- more worn out by being the father of a family who still hasn't figured it out. I'm a little tired of being the outsider in my own family with a wife and kids who just don't get it.

Approaching 70. "Retired" but still seeing multiple generations of patients. Lived in rural South all life except for Chicago stint as pediatric resident. New to site in last two months believe it or not. Member since 1973. Not angry nor disillusioned. Just absorbing. Plan a long life still. Children were my safety net for sanity as even the non-LDS world is cruel.
Although not likely believed by some of you what I have read on this site I have never experienced being insulated here.
Gatorman

42

55 and nevermo

I just entered my late 30s a couple of weeks ago. I always had doubts about the cult, even as a little girl, but the doubts were cemented when I found the JoD online at BYU. Only angry because of what the cult does to people and their lives. I was relieved to find out it's a fraud.

Being in Provo last week showed me there are quite a few "youngins" leaving these days. IDK if it's because of the interwebz or not.

Always lurking, post sometimes, 23, indeed pissed off at the church.

I found out before the Internet. I have to say that I was more relieved than angry. It meant that my instincts were right all along.

Mid sixties.

Yes, and yes and no and maybe sort of.

I figured out the lie while at BYU in 73 with a year to go. I cannot even begin to describe the elation I felt at the moment I knew it was false.

I knew no one else who felt like that; who knew that. Of course no internet and no way to process it. I thought I was free and hit the ground running ready for life having no idea the Mormon church had left me ill prepared for it. I gave the church no thought at all for decades except to gut it out at family get togethers.


Many years later, after coming to RFM I realized I had never dealt with the legacy of the extreme indoctrination. I had buried the betrayal all the way to china and it was still there festering.

Finally realizing what damage had been done, I became very angry. I became less tolerant of my family being extreme TBM still. I can't stomach the way they pull the blinders ever tighter in this Information Age. I can't just say, "Oh well," when I see that. And I don't want to.

There is a group here of a "seasoned age," and I like to believe that the newly minted exmos are able to get something from us who are seeing life from the other end of the telescope. It is one way to make the Mormon past count for something.

45
I was shocked and disgusted when I left in 1989 (before Internet). The anger followed.
Then for a time I thought I was pretty much recovered until they tracked me down and harassed me unceasingly until I finally resigned over their recent hateful "policy".
I'm glad to now have the Internet to have easy access the bigger picture, and I *sure* know a lot more now than I did when I left in the first place.

I'm a few months short of my 64th birthday.

I was angry for a while. Actually watched myself go through Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief.

I got over it and life is very very good.

No, I'm the tender age of 48.

Yes and No. I resigned from my calling and stopped attending about 12 years ago but not for historicity issues. It was the out-workings of the doctrine of Mormonism that came to offend and anger me as I witnessed the effect it had on the people that I "served" as branch president in a largish branch in central Texas.

It was the stew of the judgmental arrogance of the Utah/Idaho transplants, combined with the tendency for self-flagellation for "never measuring up" of the non-Utah "saints" for absurd shit like WoW struggles that really opened my eyes to the ugliness of performance-base religions like Mormonism. It really broke my heart to see people that I cared for beating themselves up for such trivialities. On top of that I had a ball-buster of an SP that reprimanded me (twice) for inappropriate levels of leniency in Church discipline matters which outraged me and gave me a clear perspective of the "falseness" of Mormonism irrespective of its truth claims.

The historicity issues have explanatory power to answer the questions of "why" LDS doctrine can be so toxic but they weren't the thing that drove me out.

It was the people and arrogance of some that drove me out initially also, like you. The historicity came later.

I saw the judgmental arrogance among some converts I worshiped with on the East Coast, as well as some of the transplants. They tried to outdo each other for "one-upmanship."

As a single young mother with young children in tow and sacrament meeting song leader for over five years during that time I had other members come up to me and ask me why I was still there in light of the persecution of the other members *because* of my single status and being able to support my family without a husband? It really rocked the status quo of the women who were stay-at-home wives and moms, to see another woman in their midst able to work and raise children at the same time.

Ugly, just nasty ugly people to persecute me for being alone and single with young children. Once we left there and went elsewhere we were welcome and well received wherever we went. Why not at the Mormon church? It was a testament to me of its falseness. Only a cult would persecute its own members to such a degree as to drive them away.

I had friends too, though they were the ones telling me they'd have left long before I finally did. I didn't want to contend against the truth, ya know? It was the people who showed it up for the falseness of what it pretends to represent. It is *not* the church of Christ upon the earth, it is the antithesis of what he stood for.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 10:58AM by Amyjo.