So I havent been to church in a bit. TBM wife knows why, she asked for details and I laid it out pretty good. Mainly the good stuff. My wife had a typical response like, well nobody is perfect blah blah blah.

Anyways, she made an appointment to talk to the bishop tonight and just told me. She said she wants to talk to him about stuff.. No other details. Any advice? Bishop doesnt even know Im completely inactive so hes about to find out. Not sure what will happen but I cant imagine anything good.

I'm sure I've been the topic of many a conversations between my TBM wife and various church leaders. You'll drive yourself crazy imagining what they're talking about, so here are a few suggestions--

1. Don't act concerned about the meeting, wait for your wife to tell you what she talked about.

2. When she dies open up, actively listen to her concerns, issues, etc.

3. Most important--the church only has power over you if you give it to them. Don't give them any power by getting angry or upset with your wife.

4. Listen to her and then repeat that you love her and that you can only believe in what you can believe in. Keep it very simple and non-confrontational. Don't the the Morg hurt your marriage.

Very best wishes, the Boner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 07:26PM by byuboner.

Great advice, thanks. Wish I could throw a spy pen in her purse and hear all the wonderful bull shit hes about to spew out of his mouth.

Yeah, I hear you. The best part would be what is said in Ward council--mine fantasy about me would go something like this:

The bishop, "Brother Boner used to be so faithful, he was even in the bishopric. What happened? It's probably that flipping internet with all its lies."

RS President, "Do you think it could be that he's looking at porn and the Spirit left him?"

Bishop, "Well, that's what Sister XXX's husband did, he has a porn addiction, you know. Oh, I probably shouldn't have repeated that. Brother XXX, please strike Brother XXX's name and his porn addiction and masturbation problem from the ward council's minutes. Has anyone noticed Brother Boner drinking beer? I've heard that he's breaking the Word of Wisdom. Please don't repeat any of this, okay? I'm just so frustrated that beer and porn are destroying our ward."

Sounds like someone's wife is beating the bishop.

He needs to talk to her about that.

Or that the bishop is beating the boner and telling someone's wife...

I wonder how much fodder members supply for some bishops' flesh cannons?

Please report back if anything interesting comes of this meeting.

How is it okay for her to go talk to another dude alone?

Obviously her primary commitment is to him and not you. How is that not cheating?

Tell your wife you need to go meet with a woman at the bar and see how she reacts.

What do you mean? Bishops would never do anything bad...

True story, about 9 years ago my mom confessed to me and my wife that when she was around 20 years old (Single with a toddler after she got knocked up by a drunk ex missionary) she was meeting with her bishop multiple times and one thing led to another and bam she was having sex with the bishop. No idea why she told me this, she had already confessed it and the bishop was ex-communicated 30 years prior.

Another true story. My Co workers wife left him and the church for her bishop that was 20 years older after going to him for counseling for her eating disorder. They are now happily married and out of the church while he still goes to church and is single and miserable.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2016 08:43PM by Bentaylor23.

"Obviously her primary commitment is to him and not you. How is that not cheating?"

That was my thought. There should be two in a marriage. There are now three counting the bishop and that never ends well. Bishops are not trained marriage counselors. Pretending to be one though is a real ego boost. Many people find men in power to be a turn on. Even if there is nothing physical, the transfer of allegiance is an even worse betrayal as far as I'm concerned.

What Boner says makes a lot of sense as a strategy though, so I don't know. But I never really did. Good luck Bentaylor23. Good luck.

Fuckin-A-Bubba.

The thing I hate is that bishops all of a sudden are experts and marriage counselors when they know nothing. They are just poor saps who never had the balls to say no to a church calling. But now she will listen to this guys advice and probably do whatever he tells her.

No wonder Joseph smith was able to marry so many girls.

I remember the hurt my mom felt when my father had an affair and the stake president told mom that basically it was her fault. Such helpful and professional counseling!

They divorced and my father married the other woman.

Nobody should talk to a Mormon bishop, especially in his office. Those guys have no training. Their opinions aren't worth spit.

My HT tried to have sex with several people in the ward. I was inactive [he thought since he didn't know I was out of the CULT] and he was trying to reactivate me and he tried to have sex with me too. He lived about 5 houses up the street from me. GAG!

He was trying to reactivate you big time?

She's back... Won't tell me anything. I'm not pushing for answers yet but I'm extremely curious with what went down.

Technically, all he can tell her is to pray and read the scriptures as a bishop. Anything else is his personal opinion. Maybe you'll find out what he said to her either she'll tell you or you'll be able to tell by her actions.

The Bishop will likely have told her that her eternal salvation is at risk if she continues this course and that Satan has got to you.

If she has a temple Recommend, he will have made it known that it's at risk.

Bishops are that last people to ask about intelligent inquiry and concerns.

Your marriage just became a threesome and you became the most dispensable partner in it.

Ditto pettirew. This is how the church gets its power. Next thing you know, they will be convincing her that you are a son of perdition.

The best thing you can do is tell her you love her and let her know of positive things, no negatives. The church will be looking to destroy your credibility. Gotta find where the evil lies in you to substantiate their fantasy.

Been there,

Since when were bishops *not* marriage counselors? Sure they suck at it and have no training or competency. But it goes with their callings.

I wouldn't trust a bishop with my problems. They would only make things worse, not better.

Hahaha. Been there already. Life is so much less complicated outside of the cult, and less stressful.

What does this bishop do for a living? Is he like a dentist or something? If that's the case, then he has no business providing marriage counseling or any counseling whatsoever, unless your wife is specifically asking about a dental issue (for example).

Dude is not qualified as a counselor or as a minister.

I would insist on attending with her AND/or insist on getting a nonmormon certified marriage counselor. I mean, if she wants to talk to a dentist about your marriage, then perhaps you all should see an actual marriage counselor. Or perhaps she just needs some therapy on her own. Get her someone who is licensed and qualified to provide that service. But I don't think I'd be very happy about my partner bringing an unqualified third party into the most intimate parts of my life. It's none of his goddamned business.

So I found this article along with other LDS tithing articles on the computer. I'm guessing this is why she asked to meet with the bishop. It's progress but I'm sure he prayed with her and brain washed anything she might have learned from it. http://investigations.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/13/13262285-mormon-church-earns-7-billion-a-year-from-tithing-analysis-indicates

I wish she would do some research on the good stuff like Joseph smiths history.

she might be open to this.


Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo
https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives
Sealed to wife, Emma, 28 May 1843

This is a great start. Especially if she scrolled through the comments.

Keep calm and carry on.

How about printing out the polygamy essays for your own study? Then read them and mark em up good. Leave them on your nightstand or the coffee table ...

KCCO!

"She's back... Won't tell me anything. I'm not pushing for answers yet but I'm extremely curious with what went down."

All you are is curious? I'm baffled as to why this is considered no big deal. I mean, I understand trying not to be crazy jealous, and being fine with her discussing the intimate details of your marriage while alone with another man. But if the shoe was on the other foot, would she be so understanding?

As I suggested, tell her you're going out tonight to meet with a woman and discuss things, and when she asks what, don't tell her. Let us know how that goes.

In a Mormon marriage the most important thing is the Church.
Spouses that become disbelieving go from sharing equal status in the marriage with the Church to having a lower status than the Church. If or when push comes to shove and the believing spouse is pressed into a decision between Church and husband they nearly always side with the Church and dispense with the disbelieving spouse.

In the situation that you find yourself your spouse takes more seriously the advice and discussion with the Bishop than they will with you, unless you show signs of coming round to their way of thinking about the Church. It's just the way it is.

The best that you can hope for is an uneasy truce, and hope that the Bishop doesn't decide to 'save' your wife from her apostate husband. Because at that point, you're nearly always doomed.

Good luck dude.

This is true... It happened to me. Once the meetings with the bishop started, it was a downhill slide from there and divorce followed not too long afterwards. Good Luck!!!

+1 for me too.

Wife meeting with the inept bishop and it wasn't long before divorce was the end result.

It doesn't take an 'inept' bishop to opine that the disbelieving spouse "...just wants to sin..." That passes for *ept* in mormonism!

The *ept* point of view is that 'the gospel is true' so departing from the truth can only be accomplished via ignorance or a willful abandonment of that truth. Hard to maintain a marriage if one of the participants thinks the other is bitch-slapping Jesus.