I'm a single mom. I get a lot of questions about "where's your baby's daddy, where's your husband, why doesn't your child's father ever visit?" Most people who ask, back off after a simple "he's not around".

Today a little 6 year old kid (who is in a religious protestant home) asked me, and I wasn't sure how to answer.... Also he's friends with my child, so I wanted to be nice.

The kid told me "I needed to get a husband, and that marriage is blessed by god" I agreed ;-)

Also, a few adults are really nosy and I'm not good at telling people to back off. Suggestions?

Oh man, I thought you were concerned about the questions your kids were asking you, like about your love life, an' stuff.

With regard to your issue regarding nosey-parker adults, my answers would depend on what I thought there motivation was for asking. Genuine 'simple' curiosity does exist...

Personally, I don't ask anybody anything, because that's how I want them to treat me.

Being rude comes easy and is very, very natural to me, but you have to chose wisely; no sense pissing off someone you think you might like, or would like to keep in your life.

That would be my guideline: "Share, when you think they care."

You should make up a story so horrific and heart-wrenching that the listeners' eyes will widen, and they will slowly back away. Perhaps your "husband" was a federal agent who had infiltrated the mafia, but was caught and tortured to death. Make up some memorable details.

Or keep it simple by saying, "The government won't let me discuss anything about him." Give them a knowing look.

I think your answer is fine. You could say, "He's not involved," or, "He lives some distance away." Most people understand that. As for the kid, I would just treat it playfully, i.e. "Who do you think would make a good husband for me?"

I've dealt with this issue for 20 years. I usually try to deflect the question or give some generic response, while trying to convey that I don't really want to go into detail about my children's not-involved and not present father.

I think a few white lies are fine in order to preserve my privacy and not over-share with people I'm not close too.

You are not obligated to spill personal details about your and your child's life to people unless you choose to.

When someone askes me a question that is essentially none of

their business I always ask back "why do you ask"?. That

really throws them off... then as an answer they'll say

"oh I just wondered" and I say hmmmm and don't answser. If they

pursue the question, which has not happened very often I'll just

say "its not really any of your business is it? ". Then they

get the message. Mormons can be really annoying with this,

they have boundry problems.

I lived in Utah county as a single man for over 20 years. Can't remember how many people ask me why I wasn't married. Got so I answered,, Why is that any of your business? Why would you ask me that?

"I can't believe you would as me a question which is so obviously none of your business."

(chuckle and smile when you say it.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2016 09:58PM by wine country girl.

My fave response is still...

"Oh, why do you ask?"

Usually this clues in the nosy busy body that they are wandering in areas that do not concern them.

The clueless usually still pursue and I respond,

"And how does this concern you?"

After that if they still do not get it, I get blunt.

"I do not feel comfortable sharing information with you that is private and does not concern you. I appreciate you respecting that. Thanks"

Only a few times have I really had to whack out a "Clue by Four" to the head and let someone know, "I have dropped enough hints now. You are not understanding that you are being rude and just plain nosy. Enough is enough."

I have been asked many times why my ex and I split up. If you are not in a relationship with me of some kind...I will change the subject abruptly and use the methods above.

I had a particularly dense woman that failed all of the above and had to to tell her "Since you insist on pursuing a topic that is particularly personal and painful..perhaps I can interest you in other life changing moments that you can choose from as well? Would you be interested in the time I miscarried or when my Father died?"

The woman was aghast and said "Um no...I didn't mean..."

I interrupted her. "Then THINK about what you are asking before you speak."

I have given up on being really "nice" to people while they are being rude. I teach them. If they fail to get the lesson they walk away with a smack up the head verbally.

RMM