I've been a lurker here for quite a while, and finally decided to make a login and post.
I'm leaving the church. A long string of events led to my decision. It was not spur of the moment, but took months of careful insight of myself, lots of thorough and honest research on church history, and lots of praying and reading the scriptues.
Some of the things that prompted me to leave were the creepy temple, views on gay marriage, a no questions attitude, ect.
I brought my concerns to my husband, who was actually quite supportive. He still is a TBM, although he doesn't go to church.
Its going to be hard to tell my family. I already attempted to talk to my sister. She shut out my questions and said I needed to have more faith. Typical TBM attitude. So I went to an LDS Facebook group and asked my questions there, and they deleted my post. :(
I am still quite young, only 23 and have a life of awkward family parties and bigoted members telling me how horrible of a person I am for turning away from my temple covenanta.

Can anyone honestly tell me if it gets any easier?

You might consider just leaving it at, "I'm not active at this time" or "I am no longer active." If anyone asks why, state it is for "personal reasons." Anything more than that is not really their business nor their concern.

I can tell you it varies for me still. Some days suck more than others. Mostly its Sunday after church when I don't go and my wife decides to stay home with the me. I have had my disbelief known for 3/4 of a year now. I still get looked down on and ignored. I don't get invited to family parties/gatherings. The family tries to lay guilt and shame on me all the time. I think my wife gets more than I do though. I am glad she is starting to see that as it is.


It would be easier, I think, if I could get rid of caring about what they think of me. A part of me does care what they think. Another part of me knows that they are self righteous jerks and what they think doesn't matter. It has been one of the hardest things for me. I am still trying to shake the garbage thinking.

If you don't give two $%*#s about what they think then it gets better.

Well it's gotta be WAYY easier since your husband doesn't attend church. Best wishes with the rest of the family.

I happened to move far away from my TBM family, and an older sibling was already out, so I didn't have it too bad.

Yes, it gets easier. The vast majority of people on this board will tell you that they are happier having left. You will see in many posts here, and in your own experience, that the empathy that was repressed under Mormonism comes back in spades. Your mental health will improve by leaps and bounds although it won't happen overnight. There's a lot to work through, but it's so worth it.

When people get down on you, remind them of the LDS Church's 11th Article of Faith.

You have the right to worship (or not) according to the dictates of your own conscience.

It's pretty sad that your family chooses to believe in a church started by a skirt-chasing conman.

You should feel proud of yourself for leaving behind the ruse.

Best of luck.

Once some people in your family find out, word will probably get out through the chatting chains.

In my experience, no family members have really tried to put on the hard sell and get me back in. Others report similar experiences. We find that puzzling, because if a close relative had decided to leave LDS, Inc., I thought I would have wanted to know why and talk to hunt down inactive members and new recruits. After all, Mormons are willing to go to far flung corners of the globe trying to get people in. But for whatever reason, it seems we apostates are toxic. Just as well.

I don't shy away from being who I am, but I don't do anything to rub my apostasy in their face either.

It is always a bit awkward, but you can navigate it.

It gets easier at the same pace that your self confidence and autonomy grow. The more you trust yourself, the more their barbs don't hurt. The more you are open to truth, the less their scoffing at you for being a seeker of truth stings.

Adversity is what makes us stronger and you will get plenty of chances to flex your muscles, even if only for yourself.

The relationships will never be the same. Most of us found out in a hurry that our opinion no longer counted; our point of view would not even be considered.

Accept the awkward, be yourself, and remember all the ridiculous things that TBMs say and do because your real friends will find them hysterical and soon enough you will too.

Yes, in my case, it got easier, but not quickly. The reason? Humans, in general, have a tendency to reject change and take a very long time to adjust to someone else making a major change especially if it's outside of what they think is true, correct, and acceptable.

Take your time. You've learned that believing Mormons are so afraid of change they refuse to listen to your comments. I have a theory about that. I think it's because their testimony is so fragile that they have to keep repeating it because their claims are so flimsy that only faith will hold them up. This is a religion based on an emotional attachment to a belief by faith.

Once you start using factual information, faith is no longer needed. That is very scary to true believers.

Many of us have found that only those that have walked the same path will be able to tolerate your position.

The LDS Church is designed to denigrate dissenters! They are told and believe that members only leave for a few very negative reasons. This is the power of faith. It discounts common sense, research, critical thinking, a different opinion.

Hang in there. Stick around. You'll probably read something from someone that gives you hope and the ability to withstand the onslaught of the naysayers who very often interpret your change as a personal rejection of them.

Mormons in general have been so indoctrinated by the "only true church" and dozens of other statements, often since birth, that they are often unable to even think differently.

You'll find that many here have created their own World View and much of it is devoid of a necessity for a belief by faith in a deity or a savior. Not all, but many.

It's a new world out there where people have many differences not seen in the LDS Church. They are readers, critical thinkers, question everything, some are very negative, (especially toward Mormonism and any religion), very opinionated, and on and on.

Give yourself permission to allow a new World View to evolve, and to change your mind from time to time. Nothing has to be set in stone anymore.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2016 12:40AM by SusieQ#1.

+1

Do allow yourself the luxury to "go slow". Out of Mormonism, you do not have to get ten things done in five minutes any longer.

This is one of the things that helped me the most as I had fallen for the perfectionist thing for several reasons, the Mormon cult indoctrination one of them. Stop and smell the roses, watch a beautiful sunset, and/or watch and listen to children at play who are in the minute of enjoyment and not planning what has to be done tomorrow and the day after.

Welcome to the the wonderful Ex-Mormon world!

Remember that now you make them fearful.

They are AFRAID!

Anything you can do to ease their fear will help with your relationships with them.

Remember, too, that you may lose some relationships, but you cannot change that. So just accept that as a small price for freedom and independence.

I was 23 when I left. I told my relatives; some of them accepted my leaving and some had no boundaries, which means they tried to harass me passive-agressively through emails, letters, etc. I cut off whoever I had to, which lifted the burden of dealing with their nonsense off my shoulders. Their disapproval was THEIR problem, not mine! I was fortunate in that my husband was not Mormon and his social circle didn't have Mormons in it. At that point, most of my social life centered around people who were not Mormon and they didn't intrude on my life or hound me about my religious beliefs one way or another. I knew non-religious people, atheists, Jewish folk, religious people of varying faiths; none of them objected to or pestered me about my beliefs.

It took a while for the church to get the message that it was NOT OK for them to send members and mishies to pressure me into returning. I had to send in a resignation letter before they stopped. It took my relatives a while to get the message that it was WRONG for them to share my home address and phone number with local wards I had not gone to, which led to strangers cold-calling me or knocking on my door. Even after my resignation letter, the missionaries came to my door twice -- both times they swore they didn't know I was on the "do not contact" list. I told the second pair to go home and make SURE I was on the list because they'd given me their names and I said I would hold them personally responsible if I wasn't added to the list. After that, no member of the church bothered me again.

It gets sooooooooooooooo much better. I was able to unload all kinds of unhealthy beliefs and behavior patterns once I stopped suffocating myself emotionally for the sake of the church. My non-mo friends supported me when I needed them to. My husband was a huge support, too. My relatives have learned that they can only have a relationship with me if they don't try to preach at me. Most of them accept that. I don't need a relationship with the ones who don't respect me.

It gets easier!!! Just sometimes lonelier. This is the one-week anniversary of signing divorce papers because I don't believe. Yeah there is a lot to deal with living authentically and with integrity. What's the alternative? Living with guilt in the shadows hating yourself. Be brave. Fear not. Live

Try Plato's 'Allegory of the Cave' for perspective

Live!!!

-geezus.

Pat yourself on the back for figuring it out so young!

I'm guessing that eventually everyone will just come to terms that you are the (smart!) cool one who left.


More and more people are leaving. Chances are they will have to figure out how to play nice. Just avoid talking about religion. Plan in advance a few one-liners you can have ready to repeat any time they start preaching.

"I'm glad you are happy with the church. It wasn't for me."

"I don't like to discuss the church. I don't believe in it."

Don't let them draw you in to being lectured or having to listen to their hokey testimony. Just say, "Glad that's working for you" or something and change the subject or walk away.

Good luck and congratulations!

Not only does it get easier but your life will be better (I.e. superior) than it was when in the cult; problem is there is an adjustment phase which you are undergoing now.

It does get easier. You do need to make a life that is not connected with it, though, and that can be a bit of a challenge especially if you have family involved. Don't get into the drama of debate, either. That is pointless and goes no where other than bad feelings and rifts.

Dagny's advice of a short and to the point response to others and then dropping it is good. "Glad that it's working for you!" and then walk away or change the subject.

Don't beat a dead horse. The end result is never pretty.