The most thrilling elation imaginable. I suddenly felt light as air. I don't even know how to do justice to a description of the feeling to this day although I often try.
It was like a huge weight lifted off of me. I felt like floating. it was the most awesome feeling. Better than any feeling I've EVER experienced... ever!
An amazing feeling of freedom, rationality, and relief. Before that, I couldn't believe it, but felt I *had* to. When I realized I didn't have to...yippee!
ificouldhietokolob I'll add my confirmation to the immense level of freedom, and yes, rationality, and the great sense of total relief. When the confirmation of my resignation came, (June 2002) reading it was like walking on air! I was sure my feet didn't touch the floor!
As for the "rationality" part -- that came from realizing that from that point on, I could make sense of the world using facts, evidence, and rational thought. I didn't have to try desperately to fit mormon nonsense claims into the real world anymore!
I have a natural thinking process and personality that tends to see the humor in most things. Consequently, when I read some of the history ... I started to snicker, then laugh and laugh. JS running through the woods with his Nephi Plates and other psychics trying to catch him struck my funny bone as so ridiculous it was funny. I also read about the Ward Teachers in the early days sent by the sisters to bring their drunk husbands home from the taverns! I had a good laugh at that also. There were dozens of such stories in the history. Just too dang funny to take seriously, except when they were killing people, of course!
I've found that the best way for me to deal with the claimed story is with a light mood and a lot of humor.
I have never been angry about it or the outrageous, bizarre behavior of some of the members. Frustrated, annoyed, shocked, yes. But angry? Nah. Not worth the energy.
Then I realized that the story line was the basis of most religion: metaphysical, supernatural, visionary accounts believed by faith. (Learned a lot reading: "The Power of Myth" Hard Copy "The Power of Myth is a book based on the 1988 PBS documentary Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth. The documentary was originally broadcast as six one-hour conversations between mythologist Joseph Campbell and journalist Bill Moyers") I highly recommend it as it put Mormonism in perspective very nicely for my needs, anyhow.
It happened over a course of many years (started on my mission) to the point that one day I decided -- I am NOT going anymore. I remember that Sunday afternoon -- it was very peaceful, calm and enjoyable. It was a huge relief that I finally had the balls to live how I had been wanting for some time.
I am one of them TBMS who are still gradually feeling better after 4 yrs. out.A lot better. Over time I have realized that my thoughts may never be without some vestige of the brainwash of the TSCC.
I felt a huge relief, like an immense weight fell from my shoulders. I felt human, alive again.
Like saucie, I too never felt good enough when I was a believer. If anyone asks me what was the worst part about my having been Mormon, that is my answer. It was an insidious, all-encompassing feeling.
ummm? how to explain, I suppose it's like having a mild hangover and having to do the "walk of shame". My eyes and mind suddenly opened up to new history, philosophies, science, etc... But I also had so devoutly done mental gymnastics and defended and preached the bigotry, inexcusable misogyny and crippling creeds so there was a sort of shame (not really guilt, because I had only provided words and doctrine of which I had been told and raised in).
Both. I felt sick and angry and hurt, and so free. So wonderfully relieved. It was a strange combination. The relief has mostly taken over but the sickness and gut-punch feeling of betrayal still linger a tiny bit.
Yes, it's a strange combination of emotions. The room spins then settles, then 'oh! The church is false' followed by an indescribable feeling of relief. It was a great feeling. The anger and hurt were there but the relief was overwhelming
You know that "stupor of thought" phrase that the Mormons like to use? Well, that's how I felt the whole time while trying to understand and force myself to believe in Mormonism. The instant I said to myself that the only way that the church makes any sense is if it's NOT true, I felt peace in my soul. I finally felt "the spirit" and rid myself of the "stupor of thought" when I admitted to myself that "the spirit" wasn't real!
I feared the reaction of my parents when they found out I no longer believed. I had no positive emotions at that moment, but my brain was untied and free to think.
Euphoria! My heart was true, after all, and it never led me astray. The worst mistakes were made when I didn't follow my own heart--I went to BYU (almost tanked my education) married a RM I barely knew, because everyone was putting pressure on me, forced myself to stay with him for over a year of beatings and rapes from him, because he convinced me it was somehow MY FAULT.
I found out Mormonism was a scam, when I was trying to escape from the temple marriage.
I was euphoric to know that women were just as good as men. I deserved to be treated like a human being. I had rights. I went to court and won. I never saw the thug again. I had some serious injuries, and some never healed right, but I was still young, and stronger and more independent than ever. I left home to avoid all the teasing and blaming, and the threats that I would never get a temple divorce and no Mormon would ever marry me outside the temple. You see, in the Mormon cult, my life was OVER.
I went to a good quality university, graduated, and went to grad school, where I ran across an old boyfriend, who had just returned from military service. By that time, I had a good career and had made some wise investments. In the outside world, I was a "catch."
I cringe to think what would have happened to me, if I hadn't left my abusive Mormon husband and his abusive, woman-hating cult.
Yes, the joy is difficult to describe! I have my life back!
I ended up in the hospital. Panic attacks and stomach pain.Ended up getting irritable bowel for 6 months and was put on xanax until I could cope alone.It was very devastating for me.