So as of right now, I am in my mission apartment on an iPod touch(yeah, breaking the rules, but who cares). I've been having depression and my fellow missionaries keep telling me to keep going. My MP tells me it will pass. My parents tell me to keep going. My dad told me to do all I can to stay out here. Lately I've come to a realization that I don't entirely believe in the Joseph Smith story and other things as well. I struggled with anxiety and depression before the mission and nearly was killed, but was told that I need to pray more and study my scriptures more.

I hate this. The mission feels like a huge sales pitch and like we're peddling fantasy stories. I'm at the point of where I just want to make friends and sightsee, but in the Midwest, there's only so much sightseeing to do when you're confined with a companion.

Anyways, my depression is getting worse and I don't think I can do this anymore out here. Aside from the doubts I have. Does anyone know when it's considered "acceptable" for depression to send you home from a mission?

You're in my thoughts. Think how depressed you'll be if you stick with the program and wake up at 32 with 7 kids and a bossy husband.

See a doctor. I would expect that with a medical recommendation, leaving the mission may be seen as the right thing to do by everyone.

It sounds like you are at that point.

LEAVE!

You don't need anybody's permission or approval. If necessary, do something so against mission rules (like announcing in a zone meeting that you don't believe it any more and are sick of the brainwashing and intimidation) that they will want to get rid of you.

You will probably not get sent home simply because you are depressed. Probably 50% of all missionaries are depressed.

Take control yourself. It will do wonders for your depression.

You can explain to your family that it was either leave the mission or commit suicide.

Good luck, Sister!!

Hi sisterinNeed,
I feel sad when I hear experiences like yours.
From my point of view its acceptable to leave the mission whenever you like.

Remember,
1. You are a volunteer, you don't need 'grounds' for leaving.
2. Depression shouldn't be ignored. Prayer and reading and peddling fantasy won't cure it. You've been down that rabbit hole before. You need to get home and get treatment.

Tell your MP and your family that it's getting worse and it's time to come home. Then insist.

There's always going to be Mormons that disapprove but this is your health and your life.

I'll think you'll find many missionaries return home early due to depression.

Good luck and come back on if you're able

Mainly I worry about my family hating me. I'm worried on the social aspects. How do people leave a mission? How do I do it in a way where there will be less collateral damage? I want to slowly move away, and the best is to start by getting out of a mission. It started with depression then I learned some things I.e. Blood oaths, priesthood, multiple first vision accounts, etc.

How can I get out of the rest of my mission without hurting my family?

I get it. I understand the social pressure. It's essentially why I went. If not hurting your family is that important to you, you're going to have to get a medical recommendation. It's the only socially acceptable way to Mormons to leave a mission early that I'm aware of.

Whatever you do your family will hurt.

I don't know how much longer you have on your mission and if you can tough it out. If you decide to continue, there are lots of folks here willing to listen and help.

The bottom line though....you are responsible for your own health and well being.

If you were not aware, I suggest you read the thread about a fellow sister missionary that simply had enough and got up snd walked away. The story is reported by several local news stations. Links are in the threads.

If you do decide to leave. Have a plan. Above all be safe.

For a guaranteed return home you can always resign your church membership. You can do it by email. Instructions are on this web site.

You can also search this site for many accounts of missionaries who had similar situations to yours. Some stories are from as far back as 50 years.

Bottom line. You're not alone.

Wish you the best.

Speaking from personal experience: Maybe it's not depression. Maybe it is frustration at the way Mormonism tries to control your whole life to the point where you have no thought of personal fulfillment outside the institution. You have been told your whole life that the only thing that matters is obeying the leaders. Meanwhile your non-Mormon friends are in school or working, trying to develop a satisfying and productive career. You have also been told all your life that any feelings of departing from the prescribed path is because you are defective. It took me decades to figure that out.

You could be trekking in Nepal or part of an archeological expedition or learning Old French or DNA sequencing. It might be fun to follow the example of my niece. She works for the US Secret Service. She packs heat. She has protected John Kerry and the Pope.

Just sayin'.

The church is really, really good at pushing the social responsibility of the youth towards their parents and Salt Lake City. And it's very scary that they countenance the exacting of penalties, like shunning, on those who don't follow the mormon way.

It doesn't matter how much you know the church is a crock, when everyone who is important to you is looking at you like you just drop-kicked baby Jesus into a pile of manure. These are all the people you love, and the church can convince them to not love you.

Heck, I just read a thread here where at this year's BYU commencement, a speaker advised the faithful to shun, abandon, and run from those who rejected the gospel. No tolerance!

If they made leaving the church easy, and actually advocated that the members following the 11th farticle of aith, you know how many kids would go home on the next plane?

You are literally in the same place, minus an exmo.org post that I was four years ago.

There were several instances where my depression actually has me cultivating suicidal thoughts (I had multiple urges to jump in front vehicles in Mexicans streets, just to go home.)

I stuck it out, my mp at the time actually used the hurt my family was experiencing by my wanting to go home to keep me in the field.

One huge issue with the doctor note idea is that: at last in my mission - there is an area medic that you have to talk with, rather than send you to a doctor. (This is Mexico though, so who knows)


My own personal advice. Take a real look at what you feel and think about your situation, and the choices you have available. Don't worry about what you should think or feel. And find what will really make you happy.

What I've learned is, everyone here is really good for the support, and whatever you decide, the peeps on this forum are great.

If you think the mission is hard, quitting it will be harder. :) but wishing you the best.

"How can I get out of the rest of my mission without hurting my family?"

while on its face an admirable question, is not one you should be asking. You cannot control your family's feelings, nor should you be held responsible for them.

Asking this question puts yourself and your own needs last in line. Your MP doesn't give a crud about your health or welfare, and your parents seem to be less concerned about you than about their own status in the ward. If you don't look out for yourself, no one will.

To be honest, their feelings are going to be hurt. *Anything* you do that deviates from the church's program will hurt their feelings, and they will have to make sure you know in order to keep you in line. The only way to avoid it is by staying a good little obedient Molly Mo your entire life, and you don't seem the type for that.

Praying more and reading the scriptures aren't going to help, of course. That's the standard one-size-fits-all Mormon recipe for everything, and all it does is emphasize that the church really has no good answers for anything.

There was a story today about another sister mish from Texas, serving in Ogden, who'd had enough and took off. She was found safe, thank goodness, but clearly you're not alone in your predicament. Many missionaries are going through the exact same thing you are.

And it really is great that you're posting here on your iPad. I've got a soft spot for rule breakers. I served 35 years ago, but I'm sure that had you been in my mission, you and I would have gotten along very well.

If you are at the point you are asking this, the point to get out is NOW. ASAP. Put a plan together, and don't take "no" for an answer, as you are not asking if you can leave, you are just doing so- you are a VOLUNTEER.

Support is showing up for those missionaries leaving early; and as has been advised above, leaving for medical reasons is your best bet; your own health is the best medical reason there is.

You know you are preaching lies and garbage and hate being there. Time to leave. They will try and coerce and guilt you into staying and act as though they own you. They don't. You are an adult....do the right thing for you.

RB

It's admirable that you are concerned about hurting your family, but right now, they are hurting you. Is anyone asking themselves how they can protect you and your feelings? Why are you responsible for their feelings, but they can hurt and ignore yours?

You have to take care of yourself. Be mindful, be considerate, but don't sacrifice your own well-being just so others can avoid feeling disappointed, particularly when they have demonstrated that they are unwilling to do the same for you.

Here's a lot of fun reading material, from another exmo site...

You'll see your story repeated a few times. Some stayed, a few bugged out.

There's also a lot of missionary humor...apostate humor, which is the very, very best kind!

http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/18763/

Sisterinneed,
Take care of yourself first. This is an imperative thing that you need to take care of now.
Don't wait for it to get worse, go home, relax, and take it slow.
If your family cares about you, they will understand. Hell, they should encourage it.
Personal health comes first.

Do you have any family members like an aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. that you can depend on to help you leave and maybe give you a place to stay until the start of next semester? That may be an option, IDK. Worth a thought and try though.

Here on Exmormon.org you have been given excellent advice about the need to leave your mission NOW. You are clearly very unhappy and upset about your "job" as a missionary and things will not get better if you simply try to tough it out.

One point that you should consider is what you will do once you leave the mission and return home. A lot depends on whether or not your parents will be reasonable and show you unconditional love. They could be really nasty toward you and simply kick you out of their house. If that turns out to be the case then you need a plan for where you will live and how you will support yourself.

Is there anyone in your extended family who would be willing to give you free room and board while you are getting back on your feet? Of course your best option is to live at home with your parents IF they are willing to accept that you left your mission and want to exit The Church because you simply cannot believe in it any longer. But if your parents are really "hard core" then they will expect you to go to church every Sunday after you come home, and that will only rub salt into the wound.

So your best plan is to figure out where you will live after you "go home early" from your mission. Perhaps others here can offer advice as to the best way to make that transition.

"I don't need permission to leave!!" Please say this to yourself over and over again until you believe it. Perhaps talking to a non LDS doctor will be helpful to you, someone that is not emotionally involved in the church and someone with some sense. If you feel you need a doctor's ok then do that! Please! Many, many missionaries have done the same. We had a wonderful young missionary from Idaho years ago in our ward and he visited our home a lot. He left suddenly and his parents came and got him and they supported his leaving as he was extremely depressed. Your parents might surprise you with their compassion when they know the depth of your depression. A doctor can explain to your parents that you need to come home and be taken care of. Please do this for YOU! Then get away from the Mormon craziness as soon as possible. Live with a relative, go to college, start a job away from the madness that is Mormonism. You are young and do not have the perspective that many of us here have. You will look back on this one day and be ever so glad that you left. Don't waste another minute in this cult. You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy, travel, fall in love, build a beautiful life, etc. My three children left the church and couldn't be happier. Their Mormon lives are a distant memory and ones they can laugh about now. You need a support system outside the church. Take good care of YOU! Sending you big hugs from this prior Molly Mormon who saw the light over a decade ago.
You can do this!

It's your life. One of the most valuable things you can learn is to recognize your own needs and then finding a way to fulfill them, rather than putting other people's expectations and feelings ahead of your own.

You are hurting right now. You need to respect that as a valid reason to make a change and find the relief you need. It's okay if that disappoints other people. Truly, they have no right to expect you to give up your time and happiness because of the way it makes THEM feel. If being proud of you is more important than YOU, there is a problem.

Your health and well-being should ALWAYS be your first priority.


Take care

Being downtrodden and controlled can certainly lead to depression. I know you are worried about hurting your family but nothing short of living a perfect Mormon life is going to hurt your family.

Keeping the church's standards is impossible and they are constantly pushing you to do more. I left after 20 years, no-one saw it coming and it has led to lots of hard conversations with my husband and tough situations due to family expectations.

But it is YOUR life not theirs. I wouldn't trade the freedom I have now for anything they could give me. You are out mentally, a mission is only going to make it worse. The church is a fraud. It is run by businessmen. They don't care what you have to have to go through to make it work. You will get no thanks, no appreciation only judgements no matter what you do.

I know it's tough being honest, I struggled to tell people I no longer believed. But once it's out there a huge weight will lift and you have a massive support group on here. We've all had that moment when we realised the church wasn't true.

Get angry with them and don't let them push you around anymore or make you feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with you, it's the church that is wrong.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2016 03:36AM by europa.

Don't expect to convince the leaders in the field to understand. Just make a plan and leave. Decide where you'll go and think if there's someone back home who can help with your transition. Do you have a way to contact them? Do you have the funds to leave? If so, do it. Depression is serious and you need to protect yourself. Living this way is unacceptable.

Don't pray and read scripture more. That's the cause of much of your distress. Praying about your own welfare might or might not help, but the scriptures will only make your troubles worse at this point.

You're not responsible for how locals feel or how wardmembers back home feel. That's their problem.

You do have a right to protect yourself and your own well being. You do have a right to leave a bad situation. This is America and you have your basic rights.

I would never even attempt to endure a second time the kind of separation, the anxiety and the depression I had to deal with on my mission--and I went on a mission "back in the day" when they were easier on the soul.

You are, in short, pissing away two valuable years. You may never realize how valuable these two years are or were until much later in life. Get out now, no matter what the immediate cost, for the long-term payoff will be so much better. As far as the church goes, abandon it. It will do you no good in life, as it is a fraudulent and harmful organization. Don't stick around to experience the harm first-hand. Even if you work your little body to the bone with missionary work, it will do you no good.

Best of luck.

There was a time long ago when I was first starting to make my way in the world. I was working in sales for a wholesaler. I had a client who I knew was about to do a major freak-out on me. And I was fretting severely about it.

My boss, who was wise in the ways of the world said, "She'll get over it." And eventually she did.

Your parents will get over it. Your ward members will eventually get over it (or not) and move onto the next drama.

One of my favorite expressions (when things are really going south) is, "nobody died." Nobody died, no blood was shed, no one permanently lost their mobility. In the scheme of possible disasters, leaving a mission is barely a blip on the radar. Remind your parents of this if they go into drama mode -- "Mom, Dad, nobody died. Let's not make this more than it is."

Your job right now is to start making plans for what you WANT to be doing. This is an age when you should be doing college or career prep so that you can support yourself at a job that pays well. Figure out what you want to do, and form a reasonable plan for how to get your objectives met.

Good luck, and keep us in the loop. We care about you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2016 06:11AM by summer.

Tell them you've had suicidal thoughts, that should get you home. Just stick with that story. (I know of another missionary that did this when nobody would listen to her either)

You're family, will do one of two things 1. be accepting and understanding and loving 2. be a bunch of jerks and be judgmental

neither of these outcomes is within your control. the only thing you can control is how you react.

Just know you have backup here, everyone who posted is supporting you.

Wonderful advice on here. As Mr. Packham wisely stated, "LEAVE!"

You're a volunteer. You can volunteer the hell out.

As stated before, you're a volunteer. You are PAYING them to be miserable (let that seep in). Considering the stuff that you were taught (first vision(s)etc, and that's just the tip of the iceberg...yes, I took the blood oaths) I suspect you wouldnt stay an active member for very long even if you stuck it out. If you've had problems with depression before the mission, it's not going away by praying and reading fiction. It will only get worse until you get professional help, and possible medication. I was depressed every day of my mission, and had been since teen years, I should never have gone. I got the same advice STAY, STAY, STAY! I am now 60 years old and at least 3 times a month I have a nightmare that I'm back, stuck on my mission, and can't leave. I would suggest you leave, go home and seek counciling (not an LDS councilor) and if they suggest medication DO IT, it made a huge difference with me...HUGE!
Tell them you need to go home because you need professional help...also tell them that you want to return to your mission after you get help, then don't go back. If they can lie for the Lord, you can lie for your own happiness.
Good luck, and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, it's all baloney.
And Kudos to you for using your iPod Touch...well played.

"Does anyone know when it's considered "acceptable" for depression to send you home from a mission?"

You choice does not have to be "acceptable" to anyone. They will likely push back because they like your free labor. (Who wouldn't? Somebody says they're gonna work for free for me and then later they change their mind--I'm gonna try to talk them out of it, right?)

By "they" I mean not just fellow missionaries and your MP and everyone associated with LDS corporate management but all likely most if not all of your friends and family who have a lot invested in you doing what validates their belief system.

No matter--it's your choice. If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, as the expression goes.

I suspect there will be a lot of judgment from your ward back home whether you leave on your own or if a doctor gives explicit instruction that you need to. How much longer do you have to remain in the field? Are you wanting to leave the church entirely or just leave the mission and get some breathing room? Just some questions to think about.

All the advice in this thread is excellent. I wish you the very best in figuring out what to do and how to manage the reactions from those you have always relied on for support.

You've received really good advice from this forum from people who have been in the church, served missions, and have been in the same social paradigm that you are in now. The sum of it all is great counsel. Your "depression" is very normal and stems from the frustration and realization that you are wasting your time. As a father of five daughters, the thing that bugs me the most about the churches missionary work is probably the negative impact and risk the experience has on female missionaries. They place young women in harms way for no reason. No young woman should ever be out on the streets in any major city these days, i.e. looking for addresses, selling a bad product, trying to find people interested, etc. It is dangerous. Plus, the church steals those precious years of your youth where you could knock off two years of college instead. They keep women in 2nd place. Go to school my dear. Find a degree program that you enjoy. Serve mankind through academia and a worthwhile career. There are many ways to serve. You will need to demand to leave...and you are not alone. Many many missionaries leave these days.

First, the OP should immediately start drinking coffee. So to the nearest place with coffee. It may help with the depression. When it does (and will probably take more than one cup), tell the MP that it was a miracle and coffee helped with the depression and if it bothers him, "send me home so I can tell everyone!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/02/2016 11:49AM by rhgc.

Did they just reload your bank card?

Call someone to come and get you. Someone who is FUN! When you get a text on your mission phone in the evening that says, "The Glory of God is Intelligence!", wait til your companion is in the bathroom and throw your essentials into a travel bag. Then the next morning when she's in the shower, write out a note, "Tell the MP I resign! I'm hitchhiking home. So you in hell!" and then run out and wave madly at your friend, throw your stuff in his/her/their car, laugh madly and have a great rest of your life.

I'm no good with scripts, but c'mon Hollywood, at least pay me to write the novel from which the movie is adapted!

It's a shame they went to the two-piece garments, because it's truly hilarious when a nomo in heat has to stop in order to take the time to fully appreciate seeing a union-suit-wearing about to be lover taking off his/her/their clothes.

Be well. My heart and thoughts are with you.

Just start having terrible headaches. No one can tell if they are real or made up. You will get sent home when your headaches are bad enough they keep you from working. You will get an honorable release and your family will be happy that you stuck it out with your headaches as long as you did.

A family member from a superficial super TBM family did this and it worked well