I wasn't raised anywhere near the Mormon culture zone so I've always been puzzled and stymied by Mormon wedding etiquette.

I received a wedding invitation from a young lady I've never met. I know who she is because she was adopted by a dear old friend of mine but I've never actually met this person let alone her future spouse.

It took awhile to read and decipher the invitation because so much information was crammed onto it, both sides. It had everything but that day's stock quotes. There are four different addresses for attending receptions but no clue as to how to get to any of them or what type of building they are in (private home, reception center, church?). Plus, I have no idea which address is required for responding appropriately to the invitation. Do I respond to the address on the envelope (it's not her parent's address) or one of the other addresses? Did I get the invitation with the expectation I'd send a gift or money? They have three gift registries listed so I went to the internet but could not find their names on any.

Mormon wedding invitations make me break out in a rash.

If you are confused, you are likely not the only one. I would contact her mom and ask.

If you are not attending there is no need to send a gift if you don't feel like it. I would send a congratulatory card at a minimum.

To what address do I send a congratulatory note? How do I relate to someone I've never met? I don't even know if I'm glad they are getting married. The guy may be an axe murderer for all I know about the whole affair.

This goes far beyond not being able to attend a temple wedding. That's not even the point. I live too far away to attend even a shower. I'm not insulted in the least that I'd be excluded from the temple because they don't even know me well enough to realize I'm apostate!

I'm thinking I'll just call my friend and say "Thanks for letting me in on the doings but I cannot get away. Tell me something about the couple and their future plans".

My rationale for sending a card is that she is the daughter of a "dear old friend" who invited you to her wedding. It's up to you, of course, but it is what I would do.

Again, if you are confused about the address, contact your friend. Or send the card care of your friend.

Were you actually invited to the wedding? Or, is it just a wedding "announcement" and you're invited to a reception?

Mormons often have more than one reception because a lot of times they bride and groom aren't from the same place.

I've known mormons who had 3 receptions. One right after the wedding and close to the temple they were married in (maybe grandparents live in that location?). And then one in each ward or town that the bride and groom are from.

Usually people pick the reception that's closest to where they live.

If you send anything, i'd send it to the address on the envelope. It may be an apartment where the bride lives, that's just a guess. If you're not sending anything but a card, I wouldn't worry too much about if the card actually makes it to the recipients.

I'm guessing that the bride and groom expects you to google the address of your choice in order to get directions. By doing this, you will also be able to tell if it's a house, church, hotel, or whatever.

Mormon wedding invites almost require writing a small book in order to get all of the info out. I've received some that had up to 6 cards. One for the actual wedding. Two for the receptions. Another one for the registries, And the others were directions to various places. They were all color coded which simplified it a bit. It does require some study though.

If you haven't meet her -

Don't go - if you can't attend the real ceremony - what's the point? They are just after the gifts - nothing else

I'd toss the invite in the trash. Sounds like they are just grubbing for gifts and cash, no matter how far removed you might be from the bride and groom.

We used to get wedding/reception invites from every Tom, Dick, and Harry from "the ward" whether we knew them or not.

I think its just a ploy to get gifts. Of course the bridal registry stores were included on the invite.

The invites would quickly go into "file 13" without another thought.

-Dennis

Definitely a gift grab. I've been invited to more weddings for people I barely know (or know only by association) than I can count.

That's not all bad, but I do sometimes chuckle at what people put on their registry. You're inviting people you barely know and you have the chutzpah to ask for an $1,200 vacuum cleaner or super expensive cookware? You're about to move into a 1 bedroom apartment (or in with your parents) because you're getting married at 20. Do you really need a designer vacuum?

And you will NEVER get a thank you note. (this applies to most youth, not just Mormons). The last 4 wedding I attended and sent nice gifts I might add, I never got a thank you. One did post a picture of the haul on Facebook with a Thanks Everyone as the caption.

So I now send cards. No check, no gift, no gift card, just a card. Unless you are related you get Nada.

Good luck figuring that out as there is very likely little "etiquette" involved.

Etiquette is a given code and behaviour, the very purpose of which is to avoid all confusion, embarrassment and chaos in whichever social event is at hand.

An invitation should be self-explanatory. Most likely your rsvp is not required since there is no need for them to know how many will be attending the receptions. This is because Mormon wedding receptions are transient affairs which, unlike those of the wider culture, are not designed to "treat" the guests in any extraordinary manner, with little food (if any), certainly no alcohol and super-sweetened beverages served in tiny paper cups. The prospects of getting anything resembling a meal (or even a permanent seat) are slim to none so there really is no reason to rsvp.

In a word; do what you like, no one is likely to notice. And judging by the number of acknowledgements I've received from the (over-generous gifts we've given-I'm using Mormon standards here, not my own), you will be lucky if anyone even appreciates that you were there.

In Mormon weddings, there's usually no expectation that you respond to the invitation, so no RSVP needed. Mormon wedding receptions are generally pretty informal affairs. They usually serve just a piece of cake or some other dessert.

It does sound like you received the invitation with an expectation of a gift. In my area that's probably 98% Mormon, I often receive wedding announcements for people who I've never met.

If you feel like you would like to send a gift or card, I would send it to the home of your friend.

Like another poster said, you will most likely not receive a thank you note. I've probably given ten wedding gifts in the last two years, and received only two thank you notes, which is actually pretty good. I've gone through many years of gift before without receiving even one thank you note.

When my daughters were married (temple weddings but very nice non-cultural hall receptions) it was really difficult for me to decide who should be sent invitations. For the first, my husband was in the bishopric, and so I figured it would have to be the whole ward. We're talking heart of Utah Valley here. But for the second, I was already on my way out and hubby was pretty disaffected. So the quandary was not wanting to offend any ward members who thought they should get an invitation whether we were close, or whether I knew them or what vs. sending them out to virtually everyone and have them think we were grubbing for gifts -- which was absolutely not the case. Besides, have you ever seen the gifts at a mormon wedding??? I opted for the shotgun approach, but it was a difficult decision.

In your case, I agree that a card would be nice and would be sufficient. Mormon culture is difficult to navigate, even when you are in the midst of it.

To me, it sounds like a gift grab because not only are they having more than one reception, they seem to have invited everyone on ward lists, or who were once acquaintances they or a parent didn't keep in touch with. As it's a Mormon reception, you will never get a thank you note if you bring a gift.

I was at a non-Mormon wedding over the weekend, and the couple sent out thank you notes as soon as they got their gifts. It also had a full dinner, so you left the event stuffed. Mormon receptions just have something like appetizers only, along with cake. Another thing that's different from Mormon receptions is that they had adult beverages, and plenty of dancing with the music loud enough so you knew the dancing was going on.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/06/2016 07:43PM by adoylelb.

Last summer my TBM mom had a wedding reception invite once a week, because everyone in the ward invited everyone in the ward.

Her gifts are very popular with young couples, she gets a laundry hamper or a waste basket and fills it with things like cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, garbage bags, etc. when I got married I discovered this was a popular idea for the Mormons she asked me to invite. None of the Mormons who came had RSVPd. Their gifts include a garbage pail with cleaning stuff, a laundry hamper with cleaning stuff, a cookie tray with spatula, oven mit, chocolate chips and a bag of flour. Cute idea but all of them followed the theme.

All of the Mormon receptions I have been to were what I call cake and mint receptions. I know there are some that do more, but I am used to them doing more of an open house with mints on the tables,and cake and punch. It really does seem to be a gift grab.

Here in my Salt Lake City Mormon neighborhood, they use the ward list (a booklet of all the names and addresses of everyone in each ward in the stake. I get invitations all the time, from complete strangers, and I mumble to myself, "ward list", and toss it in the trash.

I was raised in a larger society of a major city, and some actions seem rude to me. For example, I've received wedding invitations with the gift registries printed right on the invitation! A not-so-subtle gift grab. One invitation was for a "reception" at a park, and everyone was to bring money to build a "money-tree." It was a wire green thing, shaped like a tree. One guest kept telling people, "See that $100 bill? I put that there!" I said, "No, that's from me."

"Cake and Mint Receptions" LOL! We went to a Mormon wedding in Midway, Utah, and there was nothing to eat but some mints, on the table with the register. We kept waiting for the bride and groom to cut the cake, but people were leaving, and we were getting too hungry to wait. I went across the room for a closer look at the cake, and it was fake! It was like a prank!

The. Worst. Wedding. Ever was in Provo, between two RM's. The bride's father was a stake president and mission president and taught at BYU, so the entire stake and BYU faculty was invited. The groom's parents invited their entire ward, from the ward list. The reception was on a dead end street of a gated condo community, and there were shuttle cars to drive us from two different church parking lots, about 1/2 to 3/4 miles away. I arrived on time, but there was a huge, long line, that was at least one normal-neighborhood block long, 2-4 people deep. I went alone, because I didn't know anyone there, except the mother of the groom. I stood there for 2 hours, in high heels. Missionaries and students were hooting and hollering and cutting into line, and acting like idiots, and the couple in front of me were kissing and petting--so it wasn't a pleasant wait. The line didn't seem to be moving. After the first hour, a cold wind came down the canyon. Finally, some guys came out, and went up and down the line, telling everyone that they were having special performances inside--family and friends were singing and playing music for the bride and groom--so the line would stop for about 45 minutes--but to be patient. They apologized that there wasn't enough room in the house for anyone else to go inside. One of the helpers had immediately grabbed my gift, the first second I got out of the shuttle to stand in line. I wished I hadn't given it to him. I wanted to go home.

I had driven from Salt Lake, and, by that time, I had to go to the bathroom, so I made my way up through the line, to the house, and by the time I got to the top of the stairs, people were shouting and taunting at me! I was a middle-aged woman, dressed very nicely, and they were yelling at me to get back to the back of the line! I wished I'd had a man with me. I kept saying that I was just going to go to the bathroom, and I was coming back--apologizing to those jerks! I said hello to the parents of the groom, who were standing in the hall, because they couldn't fit into the room where the music was playing, and I signed the guest register. Then I went back into the line, where a nice lady had been saving my place--but we had to explain to some angry people why I was cutting back into the line. I was cold and hungry and tired, and my feet hurt from standing 2 1/2 hours in a line that still was not moving, so I went to the curb place, and waited for a shuttle to take me up to my car, but none came. Guests were walking back up the hill. They said that, evidently, there were shuttles to get you to the reception, but not to get you home! Outside the complex, and along the country highway, there was no sidewalk, just gravel and rocks, and one lady had hurt her foot, so people were scrambling to help her (there were a few nice people!) For the last leg of the hike, I was alone in the dark, and the parking lot was almost deserted. Obviously the wedding hosts cared more about the gifts than the comfort of their guests.

I would gladly buy a gift and have it mailed to not go through another Mormon wedding.

In the old days, we used to send "wedding announcements" to people who lived away, or would not ordinarily go to the wedding. People were invited to the WEDDING CEREMONY, and then to the reception, afterwards. Those not invited to the wedding ceremony were sent announcements--no gifts required of them.