Hi everyone, starting to get the impression that my younger brother and best friend (not counting my beautiful wife) seems to have finally drunk the cool-aid and not denounced the church as I did at his age. My mother announced to me on her annual birthday phone call that he has put his papers in for a mission. I was and still am baffled by his decision (if its even his *rolls eyes*).

My brother and I have been very close since I left home 10 years ago, and we would talk pretty much every day, were both heavily into video gaming so we kept in touch through our mutual love of staring a pixels and he and I are very similar in our skeptical way of looking at the world.

I had thought I'd gotten through to him a little with my rant at our grandfathers funeral (you know the usual 'the church is full of shit' line and all the controversy that follows), but now im starting to think Iv made a huge mistake and pushed him away... my wife has always told me that even though im out doesnt mean thats what anyone else in my family wants, even if its what I think they need and that I should just let it be.

I was so sure that my brother would follow me out of the church that I didnt stop for one second to think that I might be pushing him back in :( I really dont want him to literally waste 2 years of his life based on some comments I may have made.

Any advise?

My advice: just ask him one simple question.
"Are you really sure you want to give up 2 years of your life to this?"

See what his answer is.
And go from there.

I would add to this and ask him if he KNOWS the church is true, or does he just believe it? Most missionaries I've known have admitted that they went out without a testimony of their own. They came to have a "testimony" by repeating, dishonestly, over and over, that they KNOW. If he feels the need to go, I'd urge him to find out for himself...study, pray...whatever he feels like he needs to do. Just don't lie to yourself and others by saying you KNOW something that you don't. You may regret it for the rest of your life.

Sometimes you need to see how bad things are for yourself.

His mission may be the beginning of the end. It was a shocker to me.

Let him go! Just love him and reply thoughtfully to his brainwashed missives he'll send while he is out there. Keep his mind thinking, but don't be an angry ex-mo.

Maybe have one good conversation with him if you are that close. As ificouldhietokolob says, ask him if he's sure this is what he wants to commit 2 years to. Let him know that if he's not or needs more time to make the decision and needs some support in conveying it to family or bishop, that you're there to help him.

If he says it's his decision and a commitment he wants to make, let him know you love him and support his decision and are there if he ever needs someone to write to about things he can't tell the people who only want positive letters. He will be so much luckier than most missionaries just because he has a brother like you. Just continue to love him. He has a right to be supported in his decisions just like we all want to be by those we love.

Don't try to over-think his decision. I would just ask him about it and go from there.

Learned a new language. It taught me a lot about my self got me away from my crazy mom and opened my eyes to the world. I was a rebel on my mission. Never one for rules and broke just about every rule you can. I learned a lot about how the church works and how this was not for me and fake. Tell your brother to enjoy himself, learn about the people and see the sites where ever he goes. I has 2 areas on the beach and I visited the beach everyday. the church part about it was the only bad thing but it was more of a 2 year vacation for me then anything

In your position, I'd follow ificouldhietokolob's advice. And maybe give your brother a prepaid cell phone so that he can call you any time, just to talk, ask questions, express doubts which will hopefully arise.

And remind him that he will be there as a volunteer and that he does really have the right and power to decide his course throughout the mission. No matter what anyone else tells him.

peculiargifts Wrote:
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> And maybe give your brother a prepaid cell
> phone so that he can call you any time...


I don't think that's allowed.

and his companion will rat on him.

So much of the advice is oriented towards "how to persuade him he's wrong." I urge great caution with this approach.

Oh, how we want to come up with the one "fact" or argument or something which will make the person slam his palm against his temple (pun intended), and exclaim "Oh, I was so wrong!! Thank you, dear brother for showing me the errors of my ways!"

You came out of LDS without his help. He might come out without yours. Love him, support him in non-religious ways as much as you can, and keep your "ex-mo" testimony untarnished with arguments and rancor, so when he's doubting and ready to come out, he can comfortably turn to you. You know how TSCC is insidiously, paradoxically, anti-family. Don't you go that route yourself.

To encourage you, think of how many posters found the "beginning of their (LDS) end" while doing a mission.

Find out where your bother is going on his mission. Chances are someone on the board may have gone on the same mission and can give advice about the area and people. If you can, tell him you'll pay for his return trip if he wants to quit his mission and come home.

Hope he goes someplace interesting. Where he can pickup a skill, language, or cultural experience.

I'm trying to respond to this post but am being stopped for using a "banned" word. For the life of me I cannot figure out what word I'm using that is banned. Can anyone help me?

Open RfM in a new tab. Copy and paste your post paragraph by paragraph. When you have narrowed it down to the offending paragraph, repeat for sentence by sentence. If you can get it down to the offending sentence, you can probably figure out the word. Sometimes it is inadvertently contained within a larger word.

I am a RM and was devout until my mid 30's. I agree with some of the posters here that your brother needs to live his life and find out for himself what is real. If you lean on him too much to dissuade him from his mission he may turn on you and shut you out for a long while.

All you can really do is be a good example for him of someone who does not believe - and yet is a surprisingly good person. Let him know how you feel about the church and that you don't need the church to be a good person and leave it at that.

Finally let him know that no matter what you are there for him. If he stays in the church or decides to leave the church it makes no difference to you and you love him no matter what.