I don't personally get too many wedding invites, but my mom gets like a dozen a month her family is so goddamn huge, and I can't remember the last time I DIDN'T see something about where the couple was registered.
Granted, these people are all mormon. Maybe it's a cultural thing for them. Perhaps this is a part of the mormon culture I'm not aware of, having never been married or engaged.
My cousin's father-in-law wanted them to register at WalMart. I assume that's not even possible, but I really don't know. my cousin told him that at tht rate, maybe they should just register at Dollar Tree.
I was taught that it was tacky to put registration info in with wedding invitations, but it seems to be the norm, even for non-Mormon weddings in the last decade or so. At least, non-Mormon couples do send thank-you notes for wedding gifts, which is something you'll never see from Mormons.
As others have said, for Mormons, wedding invitations are gift grabs, as they invite everyone on the ward list, even if it's their parents' ward and they've been at college. Mormons sometimes even have more than one reception, often the evening after the "sealing," then another reception at the ward where one of the couple grew up in, if they weren't from the Morridor. Non-Mormons tend to invite family members and friends they're actually close to, and everyone gets to see the ceremony regardless of religious affiliation.
To be fair,not sending thank you notes is a common problem and not confined to Mormons. Aside from personal experience, read advice columns. It is a common complaint and I really doubt all the offenders referred to in Dear Abby and Ann Landers are Mormons.I was always taught to send thank you notes and so were my Mormon friends. I have some non Mormon friends who dont bother
If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?
It is tacky. Expecting a gift is tacky. Asking for a gift is tacky. Specifying what you want for a gift is tacky. Being upset that you didn't get what you wanted is tacky. Planning on exchanging before you even open is tacky.
Some people want to have gifts more than they want to have class.
Weddings are no longer celebrations of love and a way to help young couple get a new start. When I was young not everyone was starting out with everything already because of credit. At the wedding the gifts were brooms and ironing boards and dish cloths. And the couples really needed those things. They were simple essentials. I guess I'm old, but I really miss the times when starting out really was starting at the beginning and not jumping into married life with every gadget and china pattern known to man like that is their right. I know two Mormon girls who specified stemware on their registries. Never used them in thirty years but just had to have it all.
You may have noticed I have strong feelings about gift giving. Gift giving is an art when done properly. What I do in life is give the gifts I want to give out of the blue when they are the least expected. My mom loves this. Try it.
P.S. Not sending a thank you note is even tackier.
Most people in my area now have their own wedding website, usually at TheKnot.com. It's totally normal to list where they are registered there. Still tacky to enclose it with wedding invitations. The difference is it separates the invitation to attend from the expectation of gift giving.
Traditions have changed over the years. I like to know where someone is registered so I can choose something within my budget to send if I prefer to do that. Otherwise, they get money.
Tacky or not it doesn't bother me. In some ways it is helpful to know what the couple needs, if you are planning on giving them something anyway. And being registered avoids getting duplicate items. If it doesn't come in the wedding announcement they would have to find some other way to make it known.
On Downton Abbey, women not wearing ¾ length white gloves to dinner was tacky. Substituting a soup spoon for a bouillon spoon was tacky but considered acceptable because sacrifices had to be made. Women with paying jobs was tacky. Interracial dating was beyond tacky.
What is considered tacky changes dramatically based on time and place. It is a total social construct.
"Tacky" is a word used specifically to communicate smug superiority, as in "I'm glad we still have class, not like those troglodytes that <fill in blank with currently deemed tacky behavior>".
If we wish to express disapproval without the smug superiority, we simply call it gross or apalling. "Tacky" is disapproval with your pinky extended.
Yes - it's tacky. The fact that it's common doesn't make it less tacky. An invitation to an event like that isn't supposed to include a demand for a gift.
That being said, it's becoming more acceptable to put in a separate card informing where the couple is registered. But right on the invitation itself IS tacky. The good news is, it's a free country and you can do whatever you want with your wedding - whatever makes you happy - and if other people don't like it or think it's tacky, that's their problem. If you are worried about being tacky, then do the enclosed card thing.
Yes, it's bad etiquette. But I do like it so I don't have to figure out where someone is registered. But since I don't attend the Mormon church anymore I don't get invited to any weddings.