One of my daughters thinks her father should be excused for the cruel, illogical, mean-spirited, lyin/cheatin/stealin things he did because, as a Mormon, he was brainwashed and she considers him "obviously mentally ill" after he said he wanted a Jesus for his own world in heaven.

I told her I couldn't forgive him for some of the harm he did, which is still so painful I can't even talk about it. But a pass because he's mentally ill? I don't see Mormonism in the DSM-IV.

Anybody?

it certainly is a real problem.

i know i've walked a very fine line myself, trying to gather distance from the church.

there was a really great expression in the church about things being 'revealed in the hereafter,' there are some things you just can't know, until the story's done being written as it were.

i mean more with that than i was able to write, i'm sorry but I hope it makes a sort of sense.

anagrammy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One of my daughters thinks her father should be
> excused for the cruel, illogical, mean-spirited,
> lyin/cheatin/stealin things he did because, as a
> Mormon, he was brainwashed and she considers him
> "obviously mentally ill" after he said he wanted a
> Jesus for his own world in heaven.
>
Excused by whom? If she believes in God, maybe she can just let GOD decide what he's accountable for. But in THIS life, she should distance herself from a person who is cruel, mean, dishonest, etc. If he's mentally ill, maybe he can receive treatment. But regardless of the reason someone has for being toxic, nobody should get a free pass to mistreat anyone. They need to fix the problem or leave.

> I told her I couldn't forgive him for some of the
> harm he did, which is still so painful I can't
> even talk about it. But a pass because he's
> mentally ill? I don't see Mormonism in the
> DSM-IV.
>
> Anybody?


There are many true-believing Mormons out there who are honest, loving, and kind. Mormonism doesn't MAKE you mentally ill or mean. But I do think if someone was predisposed to mental illness or abusiveness, any dogmatic religion that encourages personal revelation and special authority for men could be a problem.

And personally, I don't think you should feel guilty if you aren't ready to forgive someone. Especially if they haven't 1) changed and 2) apologized.

Thanks, iamaworkinonit. It took me years to stop saying "I hate the sin but forgive the sinner." It was phony. Now I just accept that karma applies to his so-called life just like it does to mine and I don't worry about it.

Read "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins, and you may very well reevaluate the statement that Mormonism isn't in the DSM-IV. Delusional, magical thinking, which is at the root of all religion, is certainly a diagnosable mental illness.

which we keep recreating and reliving that causes us so much discomfort when it's about negative experiences.
So, I propose - a little memory loss!

Why? Because all we really have is.....today. And, the only person I have any power over is.....me. I am the only one that is empowered to change how I deal with my experiences.

If they are negative, I put them in the delete bin. Then I empty it from time to time. WHY? Because I no longer need them.

If I didn't like the experience in the first place, why would I keep remembering it and expect someone else to change of fix the past??
Newsflash: ain't gonna happen! I know. I tried. Now I don't bother.

I don't expect or demand an apology or someone else to change to have inner peace and happiness. If they do, fine, if not, fine with me.

Some people are mentally ill for a multitude of reasons.
Some are just mean and nasty. Can any of that be fixed? Sometimes, but not always. If I can stay out of the line of fire, I do.

I am long past the middle mark of my life on this earth. Every day is a gift. Hubby is older than I am with health problems. Today is all we know we have. So far anyhow.I don't buy green bananas anymore! :-)

So, I find things to laugh about TODAY and ignore negativity in the past as much as humanly possible, because if it's not working FOR me, it's AGAINST me and I don't need that!

I live my life with this kind of attitude because I have found it protects my emotional, psychological, physical well being.
Stay positive, and grateful and appreciative of what I have.
Works for me! Try it, you might like it! :-)

Besides, it takes too much energy to be angry at other people for their stupidity anyhow! :-)