It's time to make reservations for my 30-year high school reunion, and I can't decide whether to go or to stay home. I have both good and bad memories of my hometown. High school was a relatively happy time, and trauma-free, but I have PTSD-flashback memories of growing up with an abusive brother, and then living there (for one horrible year) my wife-beater Mormon husband.

There are some old high school friends (Mormons, exmormons, nevermormons) whom I would like to see, but I'm so much happier in my present life, that I hesitate to go back there, and miss even one weekend of happy times. Also, I could spend the $2,000 (air fare, hotel, banquets, etc.) on something else.

What are some of your reunion experiences?
What is your advice?

for me I'd skip. why try to impress people I don't know anymore? be prepared... it's going to be a brag-a-thon. But if you have a wonderful spouse and lots of money, kids, and grandkids. Then by all means indulge.

I've always had wonderful times at my class reunions... I'm glad

I never missed any but everyone's experiences are different.

I didn't have any PTSD flash back memories or a wife beating

husband. I can't give you any advice. You need to do what you

feel is the best thing to do.

Nothing good can come of it.

As Thomas Wolfe did NOT say, "You can't go home again."

It's true, but Wolfe was only quoting a writer friend of his, Ella Winter. But he did amplify the sentiment when he wrote at the end of the novel by the same name (or rather as it was organized by his editor from notes Wolfe left; "You Can't Go Home Again" organized and published posthumously):

"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

I went to one, my 20th. I didn't go as me, I went as the person I wanted them to think I was.

If you needed any of those people in your life, you would have reached out long ago.


You should go just to prove me wrong.

I have only gone to several, including my 50th HS reunion. That was easy because I live in the same city! We went to DW's 50th and stayed with relatives (her bro and SIL) so that was not too expensive. Except for business preventing me, I've gone to college reunions 180 miles away and not stayed overnight. I've always had a great time. However, 2k is a lot to spend.

corrected typo.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2016 09:20PM by rhgc.

I went to my 30th.
It was, however, only about 30 miles from my home, so there was no big expense. It was also at one of the best fish taco places in San Diego, so I figured even if I couldn't stand being around the people, I'd have some good food and beer.

I enjoyed it. Saw some people I hadn't seen in 30 years, had some good laughs, made fun of our teenage selves. Did indeed have some good food and beer. Saw a few people that were rather complete buttheads in HS, who had mellowed out (one even apologized for being such a butthead!). Even had some teachers show up.

Mine was easy, being close. Yours, with that high travel cost...tough call. Like I said, I enjoyed mine, but it wasn't a life-changing event or anything, and if I'd had to spend $2k, I probably would have passed.

Good luck.

The only interesting thing about my 20th for Skyline High in SLC was learning how certain people ended up, which ones weren't LDS anymore and which ones were gay.

Go if you really want to, or if you truly think it will be therapeutic. If you don't really want to go, or you think it will be harmful -- don't go! Take the money and go somewhere and do something that will make your life better. $2000 can buy a very nice vacation.

I made a point of talking to every table. There were some people there that nobody talked to so that was a good thing to do. One lady told me I was the only person who was nice to her in HS and if not for me she would have killed herself. That was worth going for.

The most fun I had was hanging out with a group of people I DIDN'T know in HS and we took turns telling our most stupid mistakes in life. I wasn't drinking at all and I laughed so hard. One fellow had married the same girl 3 times and she took him for all he had with each of the 3 divorces!

One of my best friends met up with the girl he had a crush on but never told her until the reunion. They are now married.

So I vote yes if you can afford it.

I've skipped them all. Responded to one reunion and sent in
the questionnaire. Not impressed that anyone was worth seeing
who responded. I'll consider the 50th reunion. It won't be
far off, now.

BcE

I wouldnt spend that much money on something I was ambivelent about. I could fly to Europe for that.I skipped mine last summer and it is only a three hour drive away. The really good friends I had back in high school live too far to come and the others were just not that important to me. If a couple of good friends had gone, I would have too, but then a three hour drive doesnt cost 2000 bucks. I could go some place really fun for that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2016 01:19AM by bona dea.

The last reunion I went to was my 25th which was in 1992. And either I've not been invited or haven't heard of any others, but I haven't been since.

I went with an old friend since my wife (now ex) hated them with a passion and wouldn't go to mine or hers, so the woman who introduced us in the early 70s (who was recently divorced) went with me.

There were a handful of people I wanted to see, including a woman I was in school with, from about 4th grade on. We were always friendly, never dated, but I did ask her out once in our first year at BYU. She said no, that she'd found a recent RM and was getting married in the spring.

I saw her at the reunion, she had 8 kids and looked like it, with an outfit that it looked like it came from KMart.

So maybe I'll go to a 50th if they plan one.

I attended a couple of reunions. The only one that I found really interesting was my 8th grade reunion - some 40 years later!
Odd. Who does those? We did! :-)

If you have any concerns about going, don't go. Save the $$. Do something you really want to do with the $$.

I didn't go to mine, and those were both the 10 year and 20 year reunions because they were expensive, and there are only a few people I would have cared to see anyway. Besides, with Facebook, you can keep in touch with those classmates you actually want to keep in touch with. I would rather spend that money doing other things, and that might include doing something with those you actually want to spend a weekend with.

Because you have both good and bad memories, it might be a good idea to make two lists:
-One of the best possible outcomes.
-One of the worst possible outcomes.

If the benefits of the best list outweighs the risks of the worst list, then go. If vice versa, stay home or use the money you would have spent on the reunion trip to go someplace you've always wanted to visit or try something on which you wouldn't normally spend that much money.

Good luck!

I do keep up with some old high school friends, through e-mail and Christmas cards. (Fakebook is just another way to be shunned by Mormons.) Yes, it is interesting to keep track of what happens to people.

The actual 20th year reunion was a boost to my self-esteem. More people knew me than I thought, and they did remember me as being nice. At the party, a good looking basketball player I'd had a crush on tried to lure me into his hotel room, but I politely turned him down. I thought "I've still got it!", until he tried to proposition several other women, too. No one ever formed a relationship at our reunions, that I know of. Very few were single. The last two reunions were dominated by local couples, who already knew each other well.

There was a tall, gangly girl with thick glasses, who had become a fashion model and designer in LA, and was gorgeous. I knew her in art class, but no one else even remembered who she was. One friend, who sang with me in the trio and madrigal groups, was the prettiest and most talented girl in the school, but she never was in the talent contests, never was a beauty queen. She went to Juliard, and married a world-famous rock star! A friend's former boyfriend starred in a popular TV series, and he arrived in a limo with an entourage--a camera man, some of his movie-type friends, and a very young blonde, scantily-dressed girlfriend. My friend (the ex-girlfriend) spend most of the reunion smoking in the bathroom, and complaining about the blonde bimbo. Just like in high school.

I'm tempted to go for the success stories. Still, even if you have your own success story, people seem to resent that, and start competing with you, to take the wind out of your sails.

My high school is in a very affluent area, which is why expenses are through the roof. It's also why so many of my old friends became multi-millionaires (inherited wealth, a job in the family business, Ivy League education, etc.) To them, $2,000 is nothing. I would have to buy some new outfits to wear to the country club and to the fancy hotel.

My lifestyle is more frugal, more simple, and less social. We enjoy the outdoor life in Utah. I would rather have my children and our current friends over, and barbecue steaks, and celebrate the present, not the past. Now is the best time of my life!

Sounds like you have great reunions! You certainly won't be bored.

If you decide not to go, perhaps we can trade - I'll go in your stead (and I'll wear your name badge) if you'll go to mine. So what if I'm a guy - we'll work around that.

My next reunion is next summer (2017). It'll be my 50th, so prepare yourself accordingly...

Since you went to your 20th, then you know what to expect, both good and bad. Only you can decide if the $2,000 is worth it. I would consider that a lot of money to spend on a short vacation.

The only high school reunion I have been to was my 30-year, and it was quite the opposite. I grew up in a mostly non-mormon town and I was the nerdy, chunky, introverted mormon girl who had to wear dresses to her knees back in the mini-skirt days (girls couldn't wear pants to school until my senior year).

I drove from Utah to California for the reunion. I'd bought a dress several months earlier and pretty much starved myself to be able to fit in it (I will NEVER fit in that size again). It was hot. I felt so good about myself. A lot of the kids I did know (didn't really hang out with anyone) were there, they were the honor students/geeks, but all very professional people now. Everyone was like "NormaRae????" I danced, had good wine, and had a blast. I can't imagine having gone to school in Utah as a mormon kid and then going to the reunion as an exmo. I'll bet their reunions have a church social feel to them.

You're right, NormaRae. My niece and nephews are exMormons, and they didn't go to their Utah high school reunions, for that very reason, even though it was only one mile away. LDS Seminary dominated their high school, and since they never went to Seminary, they were snubbed by the Mormons. Their ex-and non-Mormon friends are still very close, and they see each other socially, quite often, and there's no need for formal, planned reunions. The non-Mormons who went said it was like Facebook--bragging about children and being bishops and other church callings and houses and cars. The Mormons married young and had 2 or 3 children, while most of my kids' friends weren't even engaged yet, because they concentrating on their careers, fun, travel, etc. It was a very boring reunion for them. No alcohol, either.