One of the members of the church felt inspired to send the missionaries over to our house. We let them in and of course they wanted to know why we are inactive. My husband and I let loose on them. I felt like I was blabbering,barely taking a breath.I told them everything and started shaking while I was telling them.Inside and out.I realize what a mess I am. I asked them about the first vision and if they just teach God and Jesus version only or do they teach all versions.They told me they just taught Jesus and God version.I told them they were being dishonest by not telling people the whole story.When I asked about the seer stone and I had no clue about it till now.One of them said "Its not necessary to our salvation" I looked at her and said "What about being honest?' She shrugged her shoulders at me.She then raises the book of mormon up and bares her testimony.It upset me so bad having this conversation.I told them I dont know why this member felt inspired to have them come over to our house. I felt bad,my husband felt bad and they felt bad.No power of discernment that I could see. Im still not over this.I have anxiety,and physical shaking. I think I have PSTD.Never ever again will missionaries be a allowed in my home.

Say, "We won't be inviting you in, but have a nice day. Bye."

Close the door. This might also make you feel a little shaky. But remember your house is yours and it's your right to decide on going to church or not. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Learning to say no is an important skill. It could protect your privacy if not your life.

I just want you to know someone id here and listening.

Your health is way too fragile to deal with mormon intrusions into your home, the one place you should feel safe.

You don't have to answer the door, just say "Go away or I'll call the police" through the closed door. Then do ot if they don't leave. Tell the police that you've asked univited people to leave your property, and they won't.

Send the member who sent them over an email, stating your intentions concerning the missionaries. Tell him/her that the visit had negative health effects for you, and never to send anyone else, or you will get a restraining order against him/her.

I understand the feeling. I finally decided missionaries are not allowed in my home. Last time they came over I ended up kicking them out and felt bad about it. I feel like I perpetuated the "angry apostate" myth. It was not productive and just pissed me off, so never again.

I read about those cool headed folks who dialogue with missionaries in a conversational way and I wish I could be more like them but up to date, I cannot. I tend to act the same way you did. Then I feel bad and embarrassed at lashing out (as though it is my fault they intruded themselves into my life).

We are being targeted again ourselves (Even though I resigned 25 years ago). We have had missionaries, Bishops wife, and two of the upstanding tbms harrassing us. I am quite fed up and have determined to not answer the door if they come knocking again. If they catch me outside, well..I would like to think that I will try to be conversational but most likely won't be.

The arrogance and self importance of Mormons still drives me to the edge. Grrrr.

Demand they put you on a do not contact list. Threaten them with legal action if they don't.

It's hard to stay calm when talking religion. That's where the phrase "religion and politics aren't good for the dinner table" comes from. Also the jarred feelings may come from this intrusive behavior that Mormons tend to have. All in soft tones of course. I posted about this similar topic yesterday:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1844524

"...speak your mind--even if your voice shakes. When you least expect it, someone may actually listen to what you have to say.” --Maggie Kuhn

You don't need to respond at all to a door knock. If you do choose to respond, you can do it through a closed and locked door. There is no law that says you have to open your door to anyone (excepting perhaps the police under certain circumstances.)

You don't owe the missionaries *anything*. You don't owe them an explanation or even 30 seconds of your time.

I hope you feel better soon. I think you have planted a seed with the sister missionaries. Your health is very important and the well ment member trying to reactivate you can stay out of it.

I used to have the same feelings of rage frequently, but less so now because I'm training myself to remember that it's not worth it for me to get so upset. They're not worth it.

Let them live in their fantasies. I have a life to live. I don't need to cure them of their mental illness. That's their responsibility.

I totally agree with your decision not to let them return. No reason to sully your life with their BS.

I had a similar experience. My mom probably sent those kids into the lions den (I was living in a basement apartment at the time, so its a fitting comparison). Anyway, I don't know why I was nervous--except that I was actually telling a somewhat official representative from the LDS Church what had been pent up inside for a long time.
I didn't hold back, and let them know that I would no longer be intimidated by LDS leaders. The senior companion tried some lame excuses that I think I bulldozed right over, and the junior one just sat there dumfounded most of the time.

When it was over I did feel some relief. It also stiffened my resolve to resign. And though I don't think I would feel nervous about such an encounter today, I would not seek it out.

If they come back you can "just say no." There are better things that await you in life.

No one will ever win an argument with a Mormon, and rarely, if ever, will they admit to their obvious lies. But for someone fresh out of the church who is still hurting from the abuse of Mormonism such an encounter can be quite emotional and painful. In time you will come to accept that at best we can plant seeds in their minds, but to get them to openly admit to anything is very unlikely, if not impossible.

I tend to think such initial interaction is cathartic in nature and will help you recover from Mormonism in the long run. You exhibited a strong emotional response because you are dealing with years of mind and emotion control. I bet if they came back today for a discussion you would be much more controlled, less emotional, and focused. I was the same as you when I first found out about the dishonesty of mormon church leaders, realizing that I had been mind controlled for 40 years. I would see Mormons, and I would have an emotional response like you in the beginning. Now that my mind/heart has healed, I am Mr. Cool Hand Luke when they come to the door. I can't wait to tell them about the peep stone, Fanny Alger/Helen Mars, the quorum of 11 married ladies who were also married to Ol' Joe, etc. I love to ask them, "Where is actual evidence of the BOM?" I applaud you for facing them. It can be part of your recovery from a sophisticated cult.

If you find you must tolerate a visit from the missionaries, then you should set some ground rules. I enjoy visiting with these kids so I always invite them in, but first I tell them they cannot pray or bear their testimony in my home. Among a half-dozen visits or so, they have always respected my wishes.

I posted this before, but I think it's worth revisiting.

My parents used to send the missionaries over to my house regularly. However, my parents did not know that I had found Rfm and I was on my way out.

The missionaries came over one late sunday afternoon, and caught me and my husband outside, heading out somewhere. I went over to talk to them, my husband trailing behind me.

The senior comp said he wanted to visit with us. Husband pipes up, "It's not a good time right now." So senior comp says, "When is a good time?" And, before I really had time to think about it, one of those internet jokes came to mind...the kind with 20 good comebacks or some such, and I said, "How about never, is never good for you?"

Both me and husband literally fell on the ground laughing at this point. The missionaries, with tails between their legs, got back in their car without a word, and took off without a backward glance.

I felt bad for about 2 seconds, old programming still determining my feelings. But that bad feeling went away after relating the story over and over again to our friends and exmo family, and continuing to laugh about it.

It was the best feeling ever to have said NO. It is one of the hardest things as an exmo to learn to do, but after a while it just comes naturally. Once you start feeling the freedom that "no" gives you, it becomes much easier.

Never saw the missionaries again! applesauce

Love this story!

This is one of those things Mormons do: they exploit people's good manners. No one is ever obligated to give up their own time (and peace of mind) to talk about stupid BS, especially when they are ambushed.

Good for you letting them have it. But I think your plan not to let them in your house again is an even better idea. There is no reason on Earth to give them any attention. Life is too short to allow that kind of ickyness into your wheelhouse.

Hope you feel better soon and think of how wonderful your life is without the cult.

Indoctrination causes the shakes. You were indoctrinated. You are recovering while them thar mishies are stuck in the Middle Ages.

I love the way Getbusylivin put it, "I don't need to cure them of their mental illness. That's their responsibility." It is short, to the point, sums it up well. and I hope I can use it when I am tempted to "cure" my children and grandchildren.

Keep smiling. You are doing great.

What surprises me is we let them in.ive never met these girls before in my life.I dont let salesmen in my house,I dont let the pizza delivery guy in my house.Why did I even let them in? Thought about writing on the ward facebook to keep missionaries away from my home. Dont know if I can deal with it or not. Thank you so much for your responses.i feel so much better talking with people who understand.

I served my 2-year mission and married in the temple. That seems like a lifetime ago. When I first left the morg I too was not able to talk to missionaries without getting upset about their lack of introspection. It took many YEARS to get over this.

Please don't feel bad about meeting with the missionaries. You were in a cult and that is not something to be taken lightly. I still wonder how much cult is still in me.

I am to the place now (after 12 years out) of wanting to talk to the missionaries. Not saying that this is the right place for everyone. I was a missionary and I wish now that I had the guts to see things for what they are and to be able to leave even when I was on my mission.

Someday I will meet with the missionaries and I will treat them as my guests and help them with what they need. I will also offer them a way out of the cult. I don't want to be deceitful about this. I just want to be a true friend to them and help them snap out of it and go back to their own lives. Not an easy thing to do but i do have an advantage because i was once of of them and now I'm not.

Don't feel bad about not being able do deal with the drones. They are drones and they don't know what it means to truly question. That takes true introspection.

praydude:

Thank you. I am a NeverMo and cannot relate personally, but I find your attitude beautiful.

Steve

I used to shake uncontrollably when I talked about leaving the church. With time, that physical reaction went away.

But I remember it was so uncomfortable and I felt so out of control, and vulnerable.

I think it helped me to talk to sympathetic people (like exmos) in an emotionally supportive environment (support groups). Just knowing that the people I was talking to would be kind and understand made it easier and I grew more comfortable with speaking up and saying what I thought.

And it's been a very long time since I left. The emotions aren't raw anymore.

What I have found useful is just memorizing a couple of realitivly 'neutral' statements to say to missionaries or others who may ask such a question. Like "I've found that the church just does not work for me and my family." Or, something longer like "I just cannot accept that Joseph Smith was a prophet after reading the church essays, scriptures, and praying about them. That is my interpretation of just what the church published. But, I accept that other may reach a different conclusion after following the same path as I have." If pressed to get into a conversation I might just add "for example, I found the churches essay on Polegamy in Navoo quite distribing." Or, I'll try to close down the conversation with "I've just found it unproductive to go into details with believing members as it just ends with them bearing their testimonies".

As for missionaries I just feel great empathy as they are being harmed by TSCC - they are in a cult and it is quite sad. So I make a point of being kind to them. I feed them. I ask them how it is going. What they plan to do when they get home. And so forth. I show them through my actions and demeanor that I am quite happy and kind to others. This can be quite disconcerting to them as it does not fit the narrative they've been taught about exmos.

My two cents.

Good for you, mannaz. I have Nevermo siblings who were aware that, a few years ago, my oldest offspring was in the mission field. The siblings would then relate to me that they "...saw a couple of missionaries walking around" their town. At the time, I was a TBM, and I asked my siblings to please be nice to the mishies, since their nephew was out somewhere else doing the same thing. So my siblings always reported to me that they would feed and water the mishies whenever possible, and make conversation with them...but making it very clear that there were boundaries and that those boundaries needed to be honored by the mishies. I do feel for the mishies...the brain-washed little buggers.

Your home is your castle. You have no obligation to even go to the door when they knock let alone open it to them or anyone. I never answer the door when the JW's come. Even if they know I'm on the other side of the door looking through the peep hole I just ignore them. Mormon missionaries haven't bothered me in years. I also ignore the phone if being called by someone I do not desire to talk with. These days you can even block unwanted phone calls.

You are showing signs of religious abuse. Take it seriously and avoid Mormons, all Mormons. Your tendency to be polite will only be taken advantage of by them.

If you must verbally respond or interact with Mormons you can just let them know you are not interested. You do not need any further discussion because discussion always defaults into them giving unsolicited testimonies which are simply emotional outbursts that have no meaning for you whatsoever. The end. And walk away.

Two things about refusing the missionaries at the door:

One time I just ignored the door and they wouldn't stop knocking.

Another time I tried to close the door and the as*hole missionary put out his hand and stopped it.

Your feelngs, and reaction are totally understandable.

As a nevermo, I once was shaking and angry after a missionary visit, so I can only try to imagine how much, much worse it must be as an inactive member or an exmo!

The last time I saw any missionaries, they were proselytizing on the north side my college campus, which is right across the street from the institute building.

I wanted to yell & scream at them to get their cult bullshit out of our space. But I just gave them very mean & dirty looks instead as I walked by.

This was well over a year ago, & I haven't seen any missionaries since, but I still have to walk by that damn Institute building when school is in session.