I came down with a strong case of ANGER a couple weeks ago (not LDS-related; a jerk has been bothering one of my daughters; long story) and I got to thinking.

Although when I'm angry in the moment it feels pretty good to imagine all the ways I'd like to dismember the creep and which neighborhood stray mutt I'd subsequently feed the dismembered parts to, after a while the anger subsides and I'm left feeling drained, frustrated, usually with a headache, and mildly guilty because it turns out dismembering somebody goes against my personal value system.

This came back to me a couple days ago when I read some comments from y'all that positively glowed with anger. I have no doubt the feeling is sincere and justified, given the kind of crap many have had to endure from TBMs near and far.

But, is it a good idea to get angry? Is it cathartic or does it do damage inside? Do any of you try to control it or sublimate it or otherwise keep from expressing it? Have any angry outbursts vs. TSCC changed church behavior toward you? (I suspect one reason we get fewer house calls is because I unloaded on the bishop's son after he foolishly tried to defend last November's anti-gay guidelines.)

I'm curious how y'all deal with the anger you feel at the church and at some of its specific members (e.g., a relative, your bishop, that Monson guy...).

http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/

According to the American Psychological Association, anger is a good thing.
Unless you let it get out of hand.

I "deal with it" by letting it out (in words) when I feel it, and then moving on.

Your mileage may vary :)

This topic is so broad and deep! It is different for everyone with how they experience this emotion. When you leave a cult everyone feels misled, used, manipulated, angry at yourself for believing something so stupid, anger with former members and all sorts of other stuff.

When I first left I was extremely angry. I have been out almost 4 years now and would say that during the first 3 years of being out, anger would come and go. At times I could deal with it. Other times I really struggled.

Along with the feelings of anger come depression soon after. There are many studies on anger and its effects on the individual. Anger that is held on to that becomes more bitter over long periods of time is detrimental to a persons mental health. These studies find that forgiveness and eventual acceptance of yourself and your cult experience help the individual be free from the negative aspects of anger.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-addiction-connection/201409/the-psychology-forgiveness

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cravings/201409/radiate-self-acceptance

Anger is a gift. It is okay to be angry. It is part of the human experience and essential for individual growth. However if we are weak and let it control us its negative effects beat and wear ourselves out.

When leaving the church or a cult (especially if you were BIC), we lose main thing we had to cope, deal with and make sense of life. Beliefs and values about what is right, how we perceive reality and spirituality have to be reformed. I know when I heard forgiveness and self-acceptance I thought to myself, "Fuck that! That is what the church wants me to think and believe. I'm going to think how I want to think." Which in all reality, was usually the exact opposite of the churches teachings. So in a way I was still allowing the church to control me.

Acceptance comes with time. Time helps heal things and soon your life events are in the past. Reading up on mindfulness helped me a lot with that.

Forgiveness is a universal principle. The church is the one that fucks the meaning of it up and makes this value so hard to re-accept. As I've learned what forgiveness is and have actually done it, life has been easier and I'm way more happy.

It is possible to still have disgust and negative feelings towards the church. Like I said, Anger is a gift. I will never forget my experience and will always see the church for what it is. But now instead of letting it hurt and control me, I'm just glad I'm out. I feel bad that it still controls my friends and family. And this might sound incredibly corny and cheesy, but the whole experience of it has made me a stronger, wiser,compassionate and a more confident person. Life is much more beautiful to me now. It has taken a lot of reading of self-help books and psychology articles, therapy, new friends and time to be where I'm at now. But it happens.

So in a short answer, it is okay to be angry. Embrace it. However don't let it control you and try and see the thing that is making you mad in different ways. This shit I learned is just not for leaving the cult, but everything that pisses us off in life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/25/2016 09:36PM by sonofperdition.

lol I didn't ready your whole post. daughters boyfriend not cult related... Oh well. hope it somehow applies

I went 65 years without taking the lord's name(s) in vain. Now I curse and swear and befoul the air like a sailor, and I think I sleep better. Certainly nothing untoward has happened. I'm not a slave to it, I just enjoy doing it!

Showing anger, allowing volatility to be on display makes it a bit more difficult to later sell the idea that it couldn't have been you who put that jerk in the hospital... It's silly to put enemies on notice.