I am ready to smash his face in. "So since you're pregnant do you miss drinking?" "No" "Are you drinking while pregnant?" "NO" "Are you going to drink when you're breastfeeding? "NO!" "Oh interesting" Is he f'ing kidding me!!!??? TBM's are so ignorant and self righteous. Just because I literally had a 1-3 alcoholic drinks over a year means I'm going to drink while I'm pregnant. Because I'm no longer an active mormon I have no morals, conscious, common sense nor do I even care for our babies life. And then I say how offensive his questions are and he goes all wow I'm just aaking questions. Honestly!

Those questions don't seem to warrant violence and attempted murder on your part.

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Those questions don't seem to warrant violence and
> attempted murder on your part.

=================================
Aw, come on, Free!
She is venting! Talking in superlatives is part of it!
It helps to blow off steam.

Haven't you ever done that?

She did not threaten violence but only expressed her disdain over being insulted.

She's pregnant. He's an idiot.

Exactly.....he has a lot of nerve. Guess he did not know her well.Hmmmmm, married too early maybe???

too bad Mormons are taught NOT to address serious issues-matters-questions in a Loving, empathetic, open-minded manner;


Lovingly & Legalistically both start with the same letter, but that's where the comparison Ends.

Dear TBM husband

Have you ever masturbated before or after marriage?
Do you intend to masturbate while I am very pregnant?
Do you intend to masturbate after the baby is born and I'm not in the mood?
Do you intend to view pornography during the entire time?

Your loving wife



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2016 09:59PM by gatorman.

touche'

^^^^^^
This !!! Some people just can't seem to help being over bearing and they love to poke and push and try and push your buttons. Things are obvious they seem to like to ask about. I guess they feel more in charge and control. I have learned to just ignore people who ask stupid questions or state the obvious. They do go away, sometimes in a huff but I really don't care. I don't deal with stupid.

One of the latest examples. I have six tomato plants. I am in the garden and have dug six holes, ready to start putting them in. Question: Are you planting tomatoes there? I realize it's just trying to be conversational but stating/questioning the obvious drives me nuts. No matter who does it. I just pretend I didn't hear anything and go on about my business.

When your hubby asks you questions that are really passive put downs, I suggest you don't bother to even validate him by responding. Just go on doing what you were doing. If the question is honestly just a question, you will know and can respond accordingly. JMHO

You're pulled to the side of the road and are jacking up the car.
"Say, got a flat there?"

You're at the side with the hood up. "Broken down?"

What I w;ant to hear is:
"Can I give you a hand?"
"Co you have a tow coming?"
"Can I give you a lift/bottle of water/get you a coffee, etc. etc?"

So true, because it is not worth to waste your life in prison for such a lowlife....

Wow somebody gets those questions too. I am past childbearing age, but I get them when on vacation. "So how much are you drinking today." "Um, same as yesterday, wine at dinner and maybe a beer during the day-why?." "Just don't want you to turn into an alcoholic Ha Ha." Then at dinner he told the people at the table I could really hold my liquor and laughed. Well I had already told them I was a nurse.I went ballistic after dinner and he NEVER commented on me again. I just do not understand why people think you will suddenly sleep with dozens of people and drink until your liver solidifies when you leave. I am the same person, just happier.

Is there any other kind?

I drink coffee. Generally two cups per day in the morning. Sometimes three. That's made up by the fact that sometimes it's only one coffee in the morning. TBM DW says I'm "addicted" to coffee. That's how Mormons are. She thinks that's particularly so because on weekends the cat wants to go out on supervised outings to the fenced backyard, and before taking him out, I brew up coffee first so I can take a cup out with me, sit down, and keep my little companion out of trouble. This "proves" my addiction, because I make the cat wait inside while I brew coffee.

Same thing with drinking. I drink. I drink as I have opportunity, like at an office outing every few months. In one month's time I may have no alcohol at all. In another month I may have a beer. In a better month TWO beers, or maybe a mixed drink. So now I'm alcoholic. Because who drinks? Alcoholics.

I'm sure that others here can attest to the same problem at home. Mormonism keeps people sheltered and ignorant of life.

My former daughter-in-law was having trouble nursing and the doctor actually told her that beer was one of the best things for milk production--a couple a day at most. She was more than happy to go for that therapy.

For some reason, it is a common belief among mormons that having a single drink makes one an alcoholic. This holds true to other "sins" as well.

Remember that it is Satan in the endowment ceremony who warns everyone that "if you break a SINGLE one of the commandments YOU BELONG TO ME!". Hence, many TBMs think that even one beer or cup of coffee damns you and you belong to Satan. Just as bad as killing.

I don't blame you for being upset. No man knows what's it's like to be pregnant. I could not do what women do - the pain, the suffering, the periods, the pregnancies - OMG I don't know how the better half does it. Men have it really easy from a bio standpoint. So then when a man (esp husband) comes along like you describe, it probably comes across as unappreciative and ungrateful. He should be thanking you, everyday - multiple times per day, for putting your body through this and for having his child. This is your husband, and you should be able to tell him how you feel - TBM or not. You should set boundaries with him immediately, "You know dear, when you ask me that - it pisses me off. Don't ever say it again. Do you hear me." There you established a boundary. We teach people how to treat us. You need to teach him what is okay to say to you, what behavior is appropriate around you, etc. This is boundary setting. You need to do it - or he will continue to drive you nutz. Hang in there. You can make your marriage work...he's your husband - you man. Teach him. Don't be shy about it. Good luck in your pregnancy. Thanks for being a mom. I thank you for your sacrifice for little one. Is this your first one?

^^^ I'ma go with this.

For the record, I couldn't and wouldn't even put up with that crap in a boyfriend. He doesn't own you, he's not your dad, he's not your moral arbiter, he's not your boss, he doesn't get to have any control over your behavior. And that is exactly what he's trying to do -- he's trying to manipulate you. Short of leaving him until he learns to act right, then I agree with this suggestion of having a sit-down to set some boundaries. He's copping out from taking responsibility for treating you with utter disrespect by playing the "oh I was only innocently asking questions because I truly did not know the answers." Call that shit right out. "Do you really, really think I'd put the baby's life in danger just to drink?" Because if my husband thought so little of me, that would be grounds for divorce. No respect, no relationship. You'll have to teach him to treat you with respect (by not tolerating disrespect and showing appreciation for respectful behavior) or else you will have to live with this for your entire life/marriage.

I agree with Dozilla. Nip this behaviour in the bud. The sooner the better.

dogzilla Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ^^^ I'ma go with this.
>
> he's trying to
> manipulate you. Short of leaving him until he
> learns to act right, then I agree with this
> suggestion of having a sit-down to set some
> boundaries. He's copping out from taking
> responsibility for treating you with utter
> disrespect by playing the "oh I was only
> innocently asking questions because I truly did
> not know the answers." Call that shit right out.
> "Do you really, really think I'd put the baby's
> life in danger just to drink?" Because if my
> husband thought so little of me, that would be
> grounds for divorce. No respect, no relationship.
> You'll have to teach him to treat you with respect
> (by not tolerating disrespect and showing
> appreciation for respectful behavior) or else you
> will have to live with this for your entire
> life/marriage.


I have to go with this.

He may have a caring say and contribution in the pre-natal of his child, but his sentence delivery doesn't indicate that he's being caring toward you. He's being a rude jerk. period.

How could he have offered caring and concern over this issue in a mature adult way?
He obviously is clueless and needs a non-lds life coach to direct him. It would be healthier for his unborn child and wife if he paid his tithe money to a life coach rather than the synagogue of satan.

Synagogue of Satan. LOLOLOL!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2016 06:41PM by Devoted Exmo.

Doesn't DH know not to piss off a pregnant lady? O_O

I favor education of the ignorant. Many, and perhaps most Mormons are ignorant when it comes to alcohol. So here are some possible responses:

> "So since you're pregnant do you miss drinking?"
"No, I don't drink enough to miss it," or "It might be nice to have the option, but being pregnant, I don't."

>"Are you drinking while pregnant?"
"No. It's a well known fact that physicians advise against that in order to protect the health of the fetus. Even regular drinkers will give it up for the duration. Did you know that?"

>"Are you going to drink when you're breastfeeding?"
"I will follow my physician's advice on the matter, but my inclination is not to do that. We can discuss it further when the time comes."

I am with Summer. Educate him nicely. If he keeps it up, then you can smash his face in-metaphorically speaking. Mormons are pretty ignorant and afraid of alcohol. Answer him calmly

I have the same experience as Myron and Gentile

Yep. In the last year, I've had somewhere between 12-25 drinks I'd guess. A couple of times, I actually had TWO in one day! EGAD!

I used to try a variety of techniques: fore warning, humor, serious conversation, etc. Didn't matter - the outcome was the same.

"So now I'm alcoholic. Because who drinks? Alcoholics."

It just isn't worth it anymore. I'm not advertising the beer, bloody mary, umbrella drink. I'm not apologizing for it. I'm not discussing it. Because at this point, a discussion is impossible. I only get clucking and lecturing.

It sort of helps to know I'm not alone.

The passive aggressive approach here is what's annoying. If tbm has concerns, he needs to state them directly, not put her down by implying that she....has no common sense, doesn't have the baby's best interests at heart......fill in the blank. He's not taking responsibility for his own feelings or worries. Maybe putting her down IS the point.

How about just saying it, i.e. "I'm worried that (this might happen). I'm concerned that......." It still isn't having much faith in her judgment, but at least he's being honest and open about it, instead of condescendingly asking insulting questions.

I used to be a TBM-Zombie too and at one time I was likely just as ignorant. I always hoped that all those around me will "wake up," but it's rare anyone ever does... It's funny that the church (if you can even call it that) preaches against a real evil--they know it oh so well. It's the Church. Philosophies of men... Mingled with scripture.

What a dick. That's extremely unkind. If he was genuinely worried about it, he probably shouldn't have knocked you up. He's just trying to get under your skin, but it certainly doesn't create an atmosphere of love and support.

No DH, I have not NOT lost my mind or reason.

Now you know that thing you like that GOT ME in this "delicate condition"? If you ever hope to do that again, you will remember that I am PREGNANT, i.e. hormonal and it is a good chance any court would let me off for insanity for an act of violence at this moment. Be ye warned.

Now shake his hand and introduce yourself as his wife. I think he forgot who you were.

RMM

I suspect a lack of maturity on your husband's part. Mormonism certainly cripples normal human development. It make take some time for it to happen. Your situation is difficult. Post as often as you need to.