When I told my TBM husband regarding my research about the church, and that I no longer believed Joseph's Myth, he gave me an ultimatum. If I left the church he would divorce me, use my mental health records in court against me to get custody of the kids, and then do everything in his power to make it as difficult as he could for me to see the children.

He has made good on his threat. The divorce was final several years ago, but he was successful in getting a judge to sign off on supervised visitation whenever I am with my minor children.

The story has played out to the point that the youngest child who is living in the household with my ex and his new wife is now nearly 15.

My mental health issues stabilized after I was no longer being abused by my ex-husband. I have been under the care of mental health professionals for the past several years, and I have yearly letters providing documentation of my stability.

It is time to get the court ordered supervision for visitation changed.

I need advice on a good Ex-Mormon, or Ex-Mo friendly family law attorney in Utah County.

Also, I was told that I may need a farily thorough Psyche Eval which may later be presented to the courts, if necessary.

Thus, I also need advice on a good Ex-Mormon, or Ex-Mo friendly Psychologist in Utah County.

Someone recommended the name of a Dr. Livingstone in the Provo area, and I would welcome any input regarding him.

I should have taken my ex-husband back to court years ago to get this mess fixed. I just couldn't face it until now. My ex is very manipulative, and it causes me extreme psychological trauma to see his face or hear his voice. (think of a rape victim needing to be in the same room with her rapist)

Finally have a little money saved up, and hopefully have the courage to get this situation fixed.

I am not trying to fight for anything to be changed in the divorce decree, only to get the stipulation removed that I must be supervised around my minor-aged child.

Anon in Idaho

I wish you the best. If he's that much of a jerk, maybe HE's the one who should be supervised around the kids. How ironic that an abusive man could use the psychological trauma HE helped cause as evidence that you aren't stable.

I hope you are able to set things right.

imaworkinonit,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Yup. Pretty ironic that my abusive ex-husband was not required to have supervised visits, and I was.

I have e-mails in which my ex-husband admits to neglecting both myself and our children. I also have a copy of a letter my ex-husband wrote to a former counselor of mine in which he admits to abusing both myself and our children: physically, verally and emotionally.

My ex-husband has a master's degree in Computer Science, and he should have had a master's degree in manipulation as well. There were times when he literally threatened me that if I did not hospitalize myself for my mental health issues that he would divorce me, and get custody of the kids. And then, when I did hospitalize myself, he used that in court as ammunition of why he should get custody of the children. Master Manipulator.

At any rate, at least I have the courage now to face the situation. It took a long time to be able to face this again, because I was so afraid of what my Ex would do next.

On the positive side of things, I was able to go back to college after the divorce, and finally get a marketable degree in a field that I love. I have now been out of school 3 years, and have had a stable work history, so that should be in my favor when the situation is examined by the powers that be.

Again, thanks for your kind words. And I have loved your screen name for years. I am "a workin on it" too!

Anon in Idaho

Here's something that could be very helpful. I'm not sure when the decree was signed putting the supervision provision in effect, but it may have been some years ago.

The law in Utah has changed concerning parent-time supervision. Now, there must be an recognizeable way out of supervision for the supervised parent. Also, there is now a way to get supervision reviewed and discontinued. If your mental health has stabilized as you say, getting unsupervised parent-time may not be as difficult as you fear.

MCR,

The decree was signed in 2006. So it was several years ago.

The original decree was not in Utah, but in another state in the Morridor. However, my ex-husband moved to Utah shortly after the divorce was final, to pursue his new life with his new wife.

As mentined in my previous post, my Ex-husband was given full custody of the kids, and I had supervised visitation arrangements outlined in the divorce addendum.

I was told that by default the jurisdiction would be moved to the county where my Ex-husand resides, which is Utah county.

Your response to my post was very encouraging, and I would love to have more information.

Namely, you mention "there is now a way to get supervision reviewed and discontinued."

Can you please shed some additional light on this process and the next steps I should take? Or is there a website you can refer me to?

Again, thanks for responding to my post, and hope to learn more from you at your convenience.

Anon in Idaho

Even though he moved, the original court's still got jurisdiction. So I think you should start there along the lines of what elderolddog said. Check out the court's website in the jurisdiction of the original order for how you might petition the court. Or, if you've got money saved up, you could call some attorneys in the original jurisidiction.

MCR,

Thanks very much! Last time around, when the divorce went down, I felt like no one "had my back." At least this time around, I have some options!

Thanks again for all of your input. I will follow through.

anon in Idaho

First, have you thought about your Ex's likely response to the request you intend to make? From what you've mentioned of him, the potential for him to oppose the request can't be discounted.

The two of you could agree to ignore the court's directions regarding supervised visitations; but you'd want that in writing. After all, if you have it in writing from your Ex that he agrees to unsupervised visitation, he can't very well expect the court to take him seriously should he then run to them to complain. You could even prepare a brief 'memo' laying out the new agreement between the two of you and simply file it with the original court of jurisdiction.

If he doesn't want to give up this power he has over you, it'll tell you that you've got a battle on your hands.

One simple thing you can attempt, without an attorney, is to file a request in the court of jurisdiction, meaning in the original state, asking the court for a hearing on the issue of the visitation order. You would attach a brief statement reviewing the grounds under which the original order was made and then indicating the current, and new situation that now exists, and then simply conclude with your request that something along the lines of a 'reasonable' visitation schedule, unsupervised, be declared, per the evidence presented at the hearing.

You have to give notice to the court that your Ex has been given a copy of your petition. Then a hearing would be scheduled. This would be in the original court. Screw your Ex for moving. The kids aren't party to the hearing so he can't complain about having to have them all travel. You live in different jurisdictions, so one of you HAS to travel, might as well be him and the original court may well agree.

Just starting it this way will give an inkling of how serious he is. If he involves an attorney, you'll soon hear from that worthy individual, and you can talk to him/them about what it is you want and why.

Do you have a law school near where you live? You might get some help from law school students. You might even get better advice than you're getting from the internet!

The system can be bucked.

Also, after a certain age, a court can be asked to listen to the kids who are the subject of all the folderol. How much support might they give? Also, how amenable to being manipulated by their dad might they be?

I love puzzles...

elderolddog,

Many thanks, my friend, for spelling all of this out for me. You have given me much food for thought. I will look into using this approach.

With appreciation,
anon in Idaho