Quick update.
Here is where temple marriage falls apart. Due to ALS my wife and I never got to the temple to be sealed. So I don't get to know her temple name. I guess I won't be able to call her to come forth from the grave. Now if I get sealed to her in the temple I still do not get to know her name. Only in live sealings does the husband get to know the wife's name.

It bothered me when her daughter (my step daughter) placed the veil over her face. I have not been able to feel why I had such a negative emotion. Maybe it was became she suddenly a no buddy. Any other males have a negative reaction to that part of the funeral?

Her kids are TBM. And I really do not think that Mormons know how to grieve properly. After grace side part, Bishop and counsellors screw off for lunch somewhere. No time with grieving families. Of wait this is a joyous time. They are on the other side with friends and family members.I just do not have enough faith.

So I guess we are not married anymore!!! A HP in my ward lost his wife a week after mine. He was sealed to her. His TBM family seemed okay and happy. I guess I am wondering why I am so upset.
My son says "dad, grieving is hard work." I have more questions than the Church has answers. The HP says he has the answers he needs.

Death is the only finality in life and the ultimate mystery.
Death is why religion was invented.
Death is the saddest and loneliest we will ever feel.
When a loved one dies we never get over it, we just learn to live with it.

I'm sorry, S.P.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/04/2016 11:04PM by wine country girl.

I'm sincerely sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss. Mormons seem to just sweep the grieving of a loved one, under the rug. It bothers me too. Even if someone believes in an afterlife, the separation is very painful. Just know that someone on this board is thinking about you.

I am very sorry, Secular Priest.

I'm sorry they are adding hurtful layers of stupidity during this serious time of honoring your wife and the loss you are grieving.

They don't even realize it. If you were to confront them about the name thing, they would just say, "God will sort it out."

It's set up to provide ritual for the believers and exclusion of the nonbelievers. Their rituals are an extension of their church. The collateral damage they do to someone like you, the caring spouse, is not even on their radar.

It sounds like your wife was very lucky to have you in her life. Her health was not good. This is how they treat a good family with their exclusive club mentality. Shame on them.

I hope the good memories will override the smug snobbery you will no doubt continue to encounter.

Mormons are a weird lot. They seem to have all their emotions stripped from them weekly. The results of that is that they don't have anything left for the important milestones of life.

Marriage is just a thing they do to check off the list. It's done behind closed doors with strangers in a manner so strange they're forces to keep it secret.

Babies -- there are so many of them that there's nothing special about that. They take them from their mother and have a bunch of unrelated men pronounce a rote prayer over them. It's done nearly weekly basis. Ho hum...

All achievements are downplayed. What difference does it make. They're so busy with their church commitments.

Grandchildren???? PFFFTTT... Senior missions are far, far more important.

Death...they've got a system for that too. It's covered. No need to involve yourself except superficially. For most, it's just another church meeting.

It's all so sad. Because those who aren't emotionally crippled by the church are actually hurting.

I'm very sorry for the tremendous loss you've been dealt. I'm very sorry the church has no comfort to give.

I am sorry you are grieving and you relate it very well. Your posts remind us all how very mortal we are. (And how cracked mormonism is!)

Anyway - it was moving to read. When my aunties lost their spouses they said the best advice was "you have one year." It meant, grieve how you want to grieve. Be with your friends or don't. You don't have to make any excuses, you just have to be. You get a year off from anything other than putting your own feet one in front of the other.

And I will apologize in advance, on behalf of the entire human race, for all of the @$$H0[€$ you will undoubtedly encounter who will say the stupidest, most crass things, and think that they are making you "feel better".

I'm sorry Secular Priest for your loss. Be good to yourself while you are going through all this.

There is no escaping the pain of grief, it will not be stifled. No way around it, only through it.

If it will bring you some comfort, the LDS culture has a very strange promotional ritual around death. Rather than comfort the living members who are suffering, a culture has developed that promotes suppressing grief in order to demonstrate a stronger faith in the Celestial Kingdom for the benefit of non-members who will attend the funeral.

I saw this in action firsthand when a ward member lost a daughter, only aged 14. As we filed in past the closed casket, she said to me, "I'm not sad, because I'm sure I'll see her again." But tears were running down her face as she smiled.

It was ghoulish and unnatural, contrary to normal human behavior....which is not a bad definition of Mormonism as a whole, by the way.

You cannot expect compassion even in times of loss from the leaders of a religion which would exploit the opportunity death provides to capture the attention of non-members in a vulnerable state. And I have been one of those people, I am ashamed to say.

This is what I know: you can't take with you handshakes because you will have no hands. You can't take your tithing receipts or your temple recommend. You won't be able to hear someone calling out your temple name because you will have no ears.

Human beings are energy, and energy goes on, changing forms. Perhaps the power of love will bring you and your love together after this life, no one really knows. And no one can promise or withhold your love from your wife, regardless what mumbo jumbo they say in their temple.

It helps to write down memories you shared in great detail, even though you cry when you write them. The greatest pain is the thought that she will be forgotten--but not if you write her life down and what she meant to you. It is a great comfort to me when I see the book of my son's life, the part I knew.


My heart goes out to you, I promise it does get better.


Kathleen

I agree that there is something creepy and unsettling about the veiling of your wife's face. I find it dehumanizing, even if that is not the intent of the ritual.

Wishing strength for you at this very difficult time.

Step Daughter puts viel on head and ties it with the ribbons under the chin. She tied it improperly and was instructed to tie it with a proper bow. Then they pulled the veil down.

So even in death a proper bow must be made. But why the veil over the face. I know the Church teaches that the priesthood holder will lift the veil of his wife as he calls her from the grave. Any guesses how much material will be left of the veil to lift?

My mom and dad were divorced. Both remarried jack Mormons, but no temple divorce.

I know for a fact my dad won't be lifting no veil off my mom's face on the other side. That just sounds morbid to even have that as a ritual. I shudder at the thought. It's probably just as well I didn't see that veil on my mom's face when I saw her for the last time at the funeral home. Or I might've freaked out.

My step-dad felt her spirit with him after she died, until he died a couple of years later. She didn't cross over to be with my dad. She waited for my step-dad to join her. The temple stuff is just fluff.

And all this mormon stuff just adds to your suffering.

When they put the veil over my mother's face, I felt claustrophobic. I have instructed my boyfriend, son, and ex NO temple clothes. And I think it was ridiculous that they made her fix the bow. I had that happen in the temple with my sash. The things mormons find of value are crazy.

Can you find out her temple name (I know it doesn't make any difference in the end, but I can see why you would want to know) by the date she did her endowment and the list of temple names that someone has collected?

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/05/2016 10:03PM by cl2.

"I have more questions than the Church has answers. The HP says he has the answers he needs."

You are in a much better position faith wise IMO than the HP is.

That's one reason I can no more identify with Mormonism because of the pat answers to the tough questions.

The questions are more important than the answers! Keep asking them. Just because they aren't able to address the hard questions only means they don't know what they're talking about.

Not trying to sell you on my religion, but in Judaism the questions are always more important than the answers. Don't stop wondering, searching and learning. That's part and parcel of being alive.

My parents were buried in their temple clothing too. Was that their decision? I doubt it. It was more likely my TBM brothers. The funerals were held at the funeral homes, not the Mormon church house. But those clothes were on them whether mom and dad wanted them or not.

It was something I had no say in, so I let it go.. I was able to speak at both their funerals, and sang at my father's. So I said what I wanted to say, and in all they were mostly non-LDS services both times. I was glad about that.

You'll be alright. You do need to allow yourself lots of time to grieve - that's natural. What name she had in the temple, whether you ever find out or not, so what? That's all nonsense anyway.

Your wife wouldn't want you to be upset over that. She'd want you to go on with your life, and find peace.

As for the HP he's either a shallow ignoramus, or he's repressing his true feelings and denying the seriousness of life, death, and grieving process. Alternatively, he may have already gone through the grieving phases before his wife died, depending on her illness, and how well he processed it say if she suffered for long. Some people do all that grieving before losing a loved one. But the answer he gave you indicates to me he's more of a simpleton. And you are not.

Different strokes for different folks. Take care.