Some things have happened in the family over the last week. I'm expected to deal with some things. I can't get into the details. I wouldn't even be able to talk about the details anonymously because the actual details would give me away. What I can say is that I refuse to knowingly deal with TBMs, especially the ones I'm related to. I'm not refusing for selfish reasons. I'm refusing so that I can prevent anything bad from happening such as shouting & verbal fighting. I would rather have people offended with me for years over being missing from family events, than angry with me for years for "ruining" things for them.

I know how you feel - I have refused point blank to have anything to do with the making of arrangements for a 'surprise' party for a close relative's notable birthday.

There is no point at all in my having any input as I am not TBM and any ideas I have will be dismissed by my TBM siblings, although I will be asked to contribute financially.

I have indicated I will contribute to the cost, but only if the location is not church property, and if it is, I shall not be in attendance and shall take it as being deliberately excluded by my siblings. I have told the eldest male sibling this, and if he doesn't pass it on to my sisters I don't really care.

Like you, I wish to protect my sanity. Like many, my 'nearest and dearest' relatives who are TBM drive me crazy. It is marginally easier when I recognise their programmed behaviour is not truly their own.

You are not alone. I have no contact with TBM family. None. It took me an awfully long time to get here, but I know all of us are better off for it. They don't want me to expose their treachery, and I refuse to cover for them. Finis.

I think that you have made a rational decision under the circumstances. Perhaps you could fall back on, "You know I don't do well in crowds."

All deterrents acceptable - humour, electricuted postbox, any constitutional amendment, legal injunctions, but as the senior scientist on this board I can confirm that the official medical name when suffering from them - and I'm having to get a bit technical here - is - - - - - - whatacreepybunchofchunts-asitis, and its sister condition whatacreepybunchofchunts-a-phobia. Lots of medicinal letters of complaint, refund of tithing and any other legal action you can think of. It's enough to make you take up smoking best regards esias

That feeling of "physically sick," I hate it. I don't have the same problems you do, but feeling sick when trying to defend my decisions is familiar. It has also been unexpected. It is real. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

If this was me...

and it was truly as bad as it you tell it...

I would move.

I would put some physical distance between me and them...

Fresh ideas, fresh start, new place to live and a fresh life to begin again.

Time heals just about everything.

Tristan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> especially the ones I'm related to

For me it's the ones I'm related who affect me the worst and do make me feel physically ill as well. It happens when TBM mother, who is wrathful, spoiled, and used to bullying people into getting her way, gets confrontational with me about me not being a part of tssc. I feel my heart racing and nauseated.

I feel for you.