Posted by:
be ready
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Date: September 08, 2016 09:15AM
You are saying that you would like to leave, but are not emotionally ready to admit that you can't love who he has become, and (I think) are afraid to be a single mom.
Those are huge fears, but they don't have to make you vulnerable to emotional abuse, or potential physical abuse.
You have the power to start feeling safer in this relationship. You don't have to decide to leave or not right now, but you can prepare for "the last straw," if that time comes.
Start gathering emergency funds (that he doesn't know about) for you and the baby. Keep some cash on you, your car full of gas. Put some cash in a pre-paid card account (no statements will be mailed), enough for a couple of weeks. In a nearby, different town, put cash and any documents you may need in a safety deposit box.
Hide a change of clothes in your car.
Open a small secure storage facility unit, put "precious memories" (photos, keepsakes, books/music you love). You can put things you buy for the baby in there. Bottles, diapers, toiletries, even a small crib if you want.
You can talk to an attorney about your options, go to counseling (non-lds) to vent with a real human.
Think about dialing 911. Do you have a "safe room," one he can't break into, in the time it would take you to call? Keep a phone in there.
You get the idea. The problem with abusive people is that they don't "get better" because their victims command them to, or threaten them with leaving. That just lets them know that their abuse is having an effect, and they feed on your reactions. I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like you're being groomed for serious physical abuse. Right now, your self esteem is being overtly attacked. When you are in emotional tatters (wondering if you "cause" the abuse), it is likely to become physical, and he has already given you that "red flag warning" by crossing that line. This is very unlikely to have a happy outcome.
If you aren't ready to leave, at least empower yourself to do so by preparing. You can love this innocent child in relative peace, and with your whole heart. It is sad that he is choosing to harm you, cause such pain to a pregnant woman, his own wife, and I can only imagine his treatment of the child if you don't allow his or her brainwashing.
You are experiencing the bad side of being "his property," and as such, he feels entitled to treat you any way he wishes. To challenge that is to threaten his identity, and he will not take kindly to it. Just be prepared. I wish you well.